Hearts desires

I had an amazing Mothers Day. I worked on Sunday, it was a quiet day. One of my co-workers gave 2 roses to each of us working. So, sweet of her. After I got home I was welcomed with hugs and kisses galore, and my fabulous husband made me supper: goobers (cut up and fried breaded stew meat), fried potatoes, creamed corn, and cottage cheese. Yummo!And for dessert he made me brownie pudding! Yum. I couldn't of tasted any better that is unless my Momma had made it! :) I also got two homemade card and two colored pictures from the kids, and chocolates and a Glee CD and the blue-ray of Notebook! We watched the notebook and i cried and then I read and played with my babies and then it was bedtime. Great day!

Friday night I talked to Ryan about my unsure calling. The end result was what I thought it was going to be. Keep praying, our family probably can't logical do that right now, but if God want us to continue with that that he will figure a way for us to be able to do it. I will also mention that prior to telling him I prayed again as to if this is what He wanted. After I talked to Ryan what I may have thought was Him telling me that our next baby would have DS, Ryan said that I maybe am just letting my subconscious fears rule over. I really don't know what is Him and what is me. So anyways, I am still seeking. However, I did tell Ryan to open his mind to a calling. He hesitantly said he would.

So thus, hearts desires or God's desires? That is the question.

Adalei's Journey Part II

Grandparents holding Adalei. My father hasn't gotten the chance to hold her yet!!!

Soon very soon he will! :)

Our first complete family photo! We are so thrilled!

The morning after she was born. Medical student examining Adalei.

We enjoyed having people come a visit us that night and almost all the next day.

The night she was born Aunt Tricia and cousin Bryce visited.

Granma and Papa and Luke came to visit. And of course my sister and mother were there also. My sister took most of the photos and I now realize that I didn't get a picture of her holding Adalei snapped that night. Bummer! Hopefully my mom did though.

August 11th, 2009

In the morning, Adalei is continuing to do well. Eating great and acting completely normal. Due to her being over 9 pounds they had to check her sugars frequently, and at times she did drop, and I had to feed her formula to bring her glucose back to were it needed to be. I had fun dressing her up and putting her bow in her hair.

Aunt Brentney, cousin Gage, Aunt Kimmy and Chris came for a visit. Aunt Brentney loved holding her niece and they brought her a cute outifit and stuffed bunny.

We had lots of visitors from around the hospital. Tonda, Lisa, Sharon, Lisa K. Ruby. That's all I remember right now. I feel bad if I've forgotten, but the whirlwind that happened shortly after has left my brain void of all the memory. We had been taking a long nap. Adalei really wasn't terribly hungry that afternoon and was a sleepy girl (now I know that was lethargy from the lack of oxygen) . They came and took Adalei for her hearing test around 3:00. Ryan left to go to the lumber yard in Ogallala. Adalei's future babysitter came up for a visit as well as Granma Holly and Luke. Around 4:30, In what a seemed like an eternity, the nurse came in with her overseeing nurse (she was orienting) and they informed me that Adalei is having some oxygen problems, and that they were doing an ECHO and ABG's and other test on her to see what was wrong and that Dr. S would be in soon to tell us what was going on.

My heart stopped. I remained mostly calm, called Ryan and my voice cracked and he could tell that although I was calm he needed to turn around. Luckily he had only made it to the Hershey exit, so he could turn back around quickly.

Ryan came back and we called the family. We prayed that all would be okay, and that the answers would come quickly. A few people came in to visit during this time and I don't really remember who all was there, but I was nervous and scared. My mom and sisters arrived and my brother and sister in law and Bryce arrived too. Ryan was getting very anxious, still no update or answers and it had been an hour.

Around 7:00 pm Dr. S came in and hugged me. I knew it was bad. He asked how I was doing?

I replied, "well, that depends on what you have to tell me."

He sighs. (this is not good at all.)

The summarized version. Your baby was not oxygenating well. We did ABG'S and put her on oxygen and that didn't help. We did a chest x-ray and a ECHO and we see that something is wrong with her heart. I can't be sure what it is and so that's why we are going to fly your baby out.

I know he explained everything well,better than I have here. He also went into detail of the plans of what the night entailed. Asking if I was dismissed, (thank God, Dr. J let me go) and explaining where Adalei would be sent but not to leave to go there yet, until we knew I would be able to ride with her or not. He then informed us that we could go back into the NICU and see Adalei now too.

When he left the room and Started sobbing, and pleading to God out loud. Arms surrounded me. I felt so lost and confused. I wanted answers and I wanted my baby.

This is going on long enough for today. More another day. Stay tuned.

Quick Update!

All is well here!! Adalei is off the arterial lines and has her JP drain out and the leads that were attached to her heart are gone. Now all she has to lose is a peripheral line, oxygen and her lead monitoring her heart, oxygen, BP. We are graduating today to the 9th floor which is cardiac progressive care unit. Yay! Big girl! We have heard rumors of her possibly being dismissed Wednesday, however that is still in air, nothing settled. I don't know if I like that too much. I really don't want her to go before EVERYTHING is okay. It was also mentioned that if were were dismissed we would stay at the Ronald McDonald House with her for a week, just as a precaution. That way we are close by, just in case.

She does have a right upper collapsed lung. Healing well on its own though. Doing CPT and breathing treatments.
She is getting captopril to keep her blood pressures down, and lasix to help her excrete excess fluid out of her body. They are also giving her tylenol around the clock for pain control, because "ouch" she had her chest cracked open and is tolerating it better than most adults would tolerate a sliver in our hand! AMAZING! God is healing and comforting her I am sure about that!

I have heard many times over the amount of people that have been praying for our little angel. I just want to give you all a huge hug and thank you for spending time with Christ on our behalf!! Truly humbling and eye opening for me!!!

I never thought I would get over Ryan's cancer. Phew! It was hard. And almost as a reward for making it through that he blessed us with a pregnancy 4 short months after chemo, which was not "supposed" to happen for at least 2-4 years!
And then this miracle child came into our world and although her first 4 days of life were tough, she is showing the awesome gifts God give us. She is a true angel and blessing to her Mommy and Daddy!!!
Well, I could go on and on, but I am missing my little girl, and am heading out to go see her!
God Bless you all!!!

God's Miracles

Adalei is doing so well!! She is off her breathing tube. and is doing spectacular. The doctors are all awestruck at the progress she is making!!! She is my Rock-star. So many hearts were reaching out to God to place His hands on her, and that He did. My angel is doing so well.
Last night we got to give her a little bird bath, and feed her an ounce of breastmilk, and held her, and moved her into a "big girl bed." We were able to remove 4 out of the 12 tubes in her body yesterday, with the hopes of 3 more to come out today!!! The nurses and doctors are so impressed with how Strong she is. And so are Mommy and Daddy. It is hard to believe that less than 36 hours ago her heart wasn't beating. They had it stopped. Now its pumping great. Her color looks awesome! She is starting to be able to cry (still hoarse but its audible now), I am so relieved and overjoyed at my baby's accomplishments.

I can't help but think how special she is to me and how I want EVERYTHING to be perfect for her now. I was just planning on leaving her little room yellow, but now I am going all out and going to paint it purple and make it totally special for her. Ryan has agreed to it!

Oh Ryan. I love the way he is with his baby girl. Adalei is a Daddy's girl that is for sure. He can soothe her right down. He washed her hair last night and she was so fussy, but Ryan found a spot on the top of her head and was cleaning it and Addie just calmed instantly, and even looked like she was smiling!
Speaking of which, she has the CUTEST dimples!!!! One right next to her mouth on the right side and on her cheek on the left!! I love them!!!!!

Praise GOD!


I will update again soon hopefully!!

My baby girl

I was right. Adalei Rose Tullis arrived Monday at 927 pm. Weighing in at a whopping 9.1! 22 inches long and beautiful head of dirty blond/brown hair. Much like her Mommy had when she was born.

I write this post as a vent though. A cry out of mercy. You see my Sweet sweet Adalei has Transposition of the Great Arteries. She is to have open heart surgery today hopefully at 11-12 this am.

I am scared.
I am mad.
I am grateful-- that this is the heart condition. It's an "easy" fix. If you want to call open heart surgery on my 2 1/2 day old baby easy.
I am supposed to home making an awesome supper for my hubby and I to share on our 4th anniversary. NOT praying and hoping for the best as my Adalei fights. Tonight is going to be a Bad night for her they say. Lots of ups and downs. I am not sure I can handle the downs right now. I am going to have to.

I was supposed to cuddling her at home. Not staring at her from her isolette. She was supposed to breastfeeding, she was not supposed to have a intubation tube down her mouth.
She was supposed to be staring up at me with her pretty dark blue eyes, she was not supposed to have swollen, black and blue eyes, and unable to open them.

I am supposed to be breastfeeding her, not the electrical pump in the Lactation room.

This sounds a lot like me me me, I I I. And to tell you the truth right now, I don't care. It is, how it is! I know God is present. I am very confused right now. I am questioning so many things, but I am grateful for what He is providing for my family. The medical staff at both facilities have been wonderful. I have lots of things that I AM grateful for, but I just feel so overwhelmed. It's not how thing were supposed to go. At least not in my plan.

but..

It's His plan, and although I don't understand it, nor right now do I like it. He is in control.

Lord please help my baby!!!!

Would you all please pray for her too!!!!!

I will try to update soon.

At Last

Well, I haven't been hiding under a rock or anything, but my sweet man had troubles with the mouse on our computer, so I have been without the computer for about 2 weeks now. I am so glad to be able to update!!!

So life. Sigh, not enough time to share all that I have been feeling lately. Maybe I shouldn't even delve into that whole conversation, It could take awhile.

Anyways, preggo symptoms are mellowed out. I am feeling this little one move, but no great punches or kicks, they are very few and far between when felt. We are scoping out different names. Coming up with some crazy/different ones, when we have them kinda narrowed down I will share. I am in Love with Adaleen, but today I thought of Jovie, or Novie (for a girl). I am not such what Ryan will say to the last two. Still in the beginning stages with the names so hopefully more on that topic later. However, I am not so in love with the pregnant body. I am really bummed right now. Tummy is sticking out due to baby, but it's the fat roll above my baby bump that is obvious and showing, NOT my baby. Argg...

The emotional roller coaster is in service this week. I am on board for never ending trips on it. I feel so compelled to want to be very selfish, and say "It's not fair. I am pregnant." That thought came too many times this week. Bawled many a day for stupid reasons. I just feel ugly, stupid, and like I can't do anything right. Alright, that's about all the more I will share on that topic. On Friday I went to Bible study, and decided giving those feelings to God to help me out. It really helped.
Work today, I think I forgot to pray before, because Phew... It was a crazy place. Left there around 845 tonight. To be back again at 0645. I hate days like that. Lots of prayers going up tonight and tomorrow morning before work starts. Yeah.

Luke Daniel is my little sponge of communication skills this week. He has said so many things I don't think I can remember them all. He is saying:

Luke (finally!)
Beau
Door
Wall
Eye-- for crying, poor kid watched me do that one to many thims this week.

I know there are tons more but I am forgetting them. I so proud of my big boy!!!

Well, I will be better at posting, I promise! I hope to get a banner up that matches my new St. Patty's Day theme background. We will see how soon that all works out.

Love
Cindy

In My Place

You see when I get to thinking I control things, God puts a big "who do you think you are?" halt to it. But ever so gently. He has always been good like that. Although at times I may not think so, and well the whole issue of Ryan's cancer was a comletely different story, God has shown me what is right and that He is the one who is actually in control. When I realize that He controls things and I let God put me in my place, the pieces fall together. They totally make sense. I am humbled by Him right now.

At peace.

Cindy

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

This year my family has a lot to be thankful for. I am humbled by the Grace of God to allow me to have this life I am blessed with. We are so thankful Ryan is better, and that we have a beautiful son. Please remember to give thanks to Him for all you are grateful for.

God Bless

Cindy
Gobble Gobble

God's Green Gifts

I was driving home tonight and while I came closer to Arnold I could not get over the beauty of the hills. They are so lush and green. I was just so humbled by the gift of this beautiful green earth and the lovely fresh rain smell that wafted my way. I couldn't help be calmed by this serene site.

I WILL praise thee, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works.

I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.

Psalm 9:1-2

Thank you Lord for your beautiful artistry in nature.

Peace to you on this glorious evening!

Cindy