Ramblings

Things are going well with work. I really enjoy my job and am learning quite a bit. And quite a bit about myself. I have doctor-phobias.... I really don't talk to them well because I let myself become intimidated by them. Well the Dr.s here are wonderful and open and friendly and that has allowed me to slowly get over this phobia, hopefully sooner than later. I am really trying to overcome my my fear of emergency too.... Hopefully one day my knees won't knock and I won't get flustered when we get emergencies. Seriously!

I will tell you that I am not adjusting to the day/night sleep thing. I am SUPER sleepy all the time, and lack any motivation to get anything done! I feel very neglectful of my home. Night 5 of the nights rotation during this month. Once, this month is over than I can go back to mostly days and only a few night shift. It will work out SO much better.

I do feel kind of isolated now. I really don't have much for friends..... Or any desire to leave my house to visit them. I rarely leave Arnold, so my N.P. friends/family that I only saw for events and work are neglected. I really want to fit in at work and have friends here, but I feel like maybe I am pushing too much. Sigh.

Oh yeah, my sis -in-law is preggers. I am beyond happy for them. Ryan told me that I am going to end up with baby fever by the time the new little one joins the Tullis clan, but I'm already there. However I get in a panic when the prospect of that actually happening is a possibility. And then once the "scare" is over, I am truly disappointed! Argh! I really want to wait until Adalei is 2 and/or potty trained. If it happens before, I will be very happy. If it doesn't.... Not concerned either. But let me clarify, we are NOT trying.

My sister is getting married next week, I am so happy! Not excited about my "heavyweight" body going into the bridesmaid dress, but exuberant for her and excited to celebrate the momentous occasion with her!!!

I am sorry this has been so long to get an update, but to tell you the truth the whole Adalei's Journey is sticking out like a sore thumb, and I really am lacking the memory on most of it. So If I finish it I do.. If I don't I'm sorry. Maybe it would just be easier to copy and paste my facebook statuses to this and them you can see all of it..... Hmmm? It would lack the emotion though.
One thing that I will say about that now, is that at my new job they have the soap we had to use before we could go back to see Adalei, every time I smell it it takes my right back there. Deep, DEEP emotions overwhelm me. I never experienced such nostalgia from smells like that before. I think of holding her for the first time after her surgery, breast pumping, remember the beeps of the machines, all the tubes. It swirls through my head in a millisecond, and I am briefly sad and then I rejoice, because my miracle baby survived all of it. Thanking God every time.

Have a wonderful day! God bless you all!

Adalei's Journey Part II

Grandparents holding Adalei. My father hasn't gotten the chance to hold her yet!!!

Soon very soon he will! :)

Our first complete family photo! We are so thrilled!

The morning after she was born. Medical student examining Adalei.

We enjoyed having people come a visit us that night and almost all the next day.

The night she was born Aunt Tricia and cousin Bryce visited.

Granma and Papa and Luke came to visit. And of course my sister and mother were there also. My sister took most of the photos and I now realize that I didn't get a picture of her holding Adalei snapped that night. Bummer! Hopefully my mom did though.

August 11th, 2009

In the morning, Adalei is continuing to do well. Eating great and acting completely normal. Due to her being over 9 pounds they had to check her sugars frequently, and at times she did drop, and I had to feed her formula to bring her glucose back to were it needed to be. I had fun dressing her up and putting her bow in her hair.

Aunt Brentney, cousin Gage, Aunt Kimmy and Chris came for a visit. Aunt Brentney loved holding her niece and they brought her a cute outifit and stuffed bunny.

We had lots of visitors from around the hospital. Tonda, Lisa, Sharon, Lisa K. Ruby. That's all I remember right now. I feel bad if I've forgotten, but the whirlwind that happened shortly after has left my brain void of all the memory. We had been taking a long nap. Adalei really wasn't terribly hungry that afternoon and was a sleepy girl (now I know that was lethargy from the lack of oxygen) . They came and took Adalei for her hearing test around 3:00. Ryan left to go to the lumber yard in Ogallala. Adalei's future babysitter came up for a visit as well as Granma Holly and Luke. Around 4:30, In what a seemed like an eternity, the nurse came in with her overseeing nurse (she was orienting) and they informed me that Adalei is having some oxygen problems, and that they were doing an ECHO and ABG's and other test on her to see what was wrong and that Dr. S would be in soon to tell us what was going on.

My heart stopped. I remained mostly calm, called Ryan and my voice cracked and he could tell that although I was calm he needed to turn around. Luckily he had only made it to the Hershey exit, so he could turn back around quickly.

Ryan came back and we called the family. We prayed that all would be okay, and that the answers would come quickly. A few people came in to visit during this time and I don't really remember who all was there, but I was nervous and scared. My mom and sisters arrived and my brother and sister in law and Bryce arrived too. Ryan was getting very anxious, still no update or answers and it had been an hour.

Around 7:00 pm Dr. S came in and hugged me. I knew it was bad. He asked how I was doing?

I replied, "well, that depends on what you have to tell me."

He sighs. (this is not good at all.)

The summarized version. Your baby was not oxygenating well. We did ABG'S and put her on oxygen and that didn't help. We did a chest x-ray and a ECHO and we see that something is wrong with her heart. I can't be sure what it is and so that's why we are going to fly your baby out.

I know he explained everything well,better than I have here. He also went into detail of the plans of what the night entailed. Asking if I was dismissed, (thank God, Dr. J let me go) and explaining where Adalei would be sent but not to leave to go there yet, until we knew I would be able to ride with her or not. He then informed us that we could go back into the NICU and see Adalei now too.

When he left the room and Started sobbing, and pleading to God out loud. Arms surrounded me. I felt so lost and confused. I wanted answers and I wanted my baby.

This is going on long enough for today. More another day. Stay tuned.

Adalei's Journey Part 1

Happy Mommy!

It is taking forever for the photos to upload and be positioned correctly so I am going to play the story out a little bit.

Monday August 10th 2009.

I had made a post this day. Wishing that "today would be the day." I had previously guessed it to be the day I would deliver Adalei. Throughout the day I had irregular contractions. Nothing majorly painful or consistent. I Bounced away on my birthing ball not really knowing what would happen. I talked to my mom and my mother -in-law informing them of the contractions, but not to expect anything. I definitely had a surge of energy that day. Looking back it was nesting. I talked to Ryan and my mothers throughout the day, still feeling about the same nothing to get excited about (Shucks!). All day I was consistently trying to get the lawn mower to run and get the lawn mowed. I was always unlucky and it never stayed running. My 4th and final attempt was about 430. I went inside and messed around on the computer and then straightened more things up around the house. I called Ryan to inform him of the mowers issues and he planned on fixing it after work. Throughout this time I was having stronger contractions while I was walking and such, but nothing that took my breath away. It slowed me down but never stopped me. Ryan got home around 600 and Luke woke up from his nap around then. Ryan changed clothes, visited to me a little about different plans for the night and off he went to to try to restart the mower. Around 630 I was changing Luke's diaper, and was reaching to grab him from "escaping" Mommy while I was putting his pants back on him and I felt a weird pop inside. It kind of sounded like a joint popping but not really and then a gush. "Oh my..."
"hurry Luke get your pants on." I was sitting on the living floor which is carpet. I fought with the pants to get them on the right way, and ran to the bathroom, more gushing with each movement.

Ryan came inside to get something, and I hollered from the bathroom "Ryan..."
He didn't hear. So I decided to get up and tell him and then get ready to go the the hospital. He was about to walk out the door and I told him. " You aren't going to be mowing the lawn..... we are going to be having the baby. My water just broke."

"oh, okay." he replies and then says, "well what do we need to be doing?" It was like boom he was making plans and getting things ready instantly. His folks were on their way back from Kearney and after the call was made they were planning on stopping in to get Luke. I Showered and got ready. Really not having any contractions in the shower, I was feeling so excited and happy. Once I got dressed, then wham they started. Strong and heavy. I called my mom and told her we were on our way to the hospital. She told me I should have just came to North Platte this morning, when I started the contractions. (Had I'd known I might have.) It was around 700 pm when we left the house, I started timing them and they were coming every 3 minutes on the dot. Ryan drove 10-15 mph over the speed limit and with the hazards on. I think he was glad to have an excuse to speed! :) I tried to call the doctor to let him know we were on our way. We were happy to hear that is was Dr. J again that was on call (he delivered Luke). They paged him to call me but we arrived at the hospital without ever hearing from him.

740 pm We sat in the ER for about 10-15 minutes waiting for the busy OB floor staff to come get me. All the while the ER secretary getting more fidgety and nervous, with each contraction, which were coming about every 2 minutes and more painful. I am still releasing the amniotic fluid, the whole time apologizing profusely for the wet chair I was leaving behind.

We got to the floor.

I got out of my clothes and into the gown. Hooked up to the monitor and checked. 5cm dilated. 100% effaced and still high -1. My mother and sister arrive on the scene and help through the journey.

Iv started and labs drawn. The OB floor is super busy and I am thankful to have a wonderful nurse getting me all situated while they were awaiting more help. The nurse informs me that she would go ahead and have the anesthesiologist come and see me after he was done with the patient he is currently with. I tell my nurse thanks and that I plan on holding off as much as I can. The labor pains were tolerable. As the nurse is finishing everything up and getting all necessary questions asked and items ready the CRNA shows up and by now (which was probably an hour but I am not definite.) I was ready to see him. The pains were getting bad and I requests everyone to not talk during contractions. The CRNA asked his slew of questions and I managed to not rip his head off while he talked and joked during my contractions. My mother kindly asked him to be quiet after I gave her one of those looks-- "will you kill this guy for me" looks. He laughed and continued on his merry way.

Then I was sitting up high on the side bed, being told to lean over my belly, and feeling like I was going to fall off the bed. My mother and sister supported more for comfort than actually holding me up, and the epidural was placed during a break from the contractions. I hate this time right here, it's awful feeling!

I had my epidural in place and had some weird back pain at first but it stopped soon after and then I was allowed to lay back down.

As soon as I laid down I had this incredible urge to go the bathroom. The nurse was shocked and I was not feeling any relief from the epidural. The nurse checked me I was complete and Adalei was coming down. She got more help in the room and got the Dr paged. I was having a lot of pain so the CRNA gave me more medicine and said that had he known I was going to go this fast he would have just done a spinal. The medicine was starting to work a little, I could feel everything, but it was muted. I was starting to feel urges to push. I was fighting off the urge by "blowing across the room" as instructed by the nurse. I am not sure how much time passed, but it felt like the Dr. J couldn't get there fast enough, they helped me to stay calm and assured me they would be there if Dr. J. didn't get there in time. The second he did get there I was finally allowed to push and this time it took more pushing, more and more. I thought to myself I can't feel where I'm pushing. So I spoke up and we adjusted the bed and me and then I felt much more in control of my pushing. So after (maybe 15 minutes of pushing) I could see her little head. Look at all that hair! We were surprised! 5 minutes later I had Adalei Rose on my tummy. Ryan got to cut the cord and my mother and sister were both there to share the joy.

I helped dry her off, and noticed her color wasn't to great, they decided to move her to the isolette for the cleaning and checks. Her apgar was 6/9. She was a big girl 9 pounds 1.7 ounces. 22 inches long. I can't believe how big she was either, but it also explained some of why it took a little longer to deliver her.

Over all I was super impressed at the way my labor and delivery went. Most of it at home, and fast at the hospital. I am happy with my pain tolerance too. The first go around I wasn't able to get past 4 cm w/o the epidural. I imagine I was 7 or better during this one.

Things were great that night as we welcomed our little bundle to the world. We loved introducing her to her family. More of those pictures later! Stay tuned!

My baby girl

I was right. Adalei Rose Tullis arrived Monday at 927 pm. Weighing in at a whopping 9.1! 22 inches long and beautiful head of dirty blond/brown hair. Much like her Mommy had when she was born.

I write this post as a vent though. A cry out of mercy. You see my Sweet sweet Adalei has Transposition of the Great Arteries. She is to have open heart surgery today hopefully at 11-12 this am.

I am scared.
I am mad.
I am grateful-- that this is the heart condition. It's an "easy" fix. If you want to call open heart surgery on my 2 1/2 day old baby easy.
I am supposed to home making an awesome supper for my hubby and I to share on our 4th anniversary. NOT praying and hoping for the best as my Adalei fights. Tonight is going to be a Bad night for her they say. Lots of ups and downs. I am not sure I can handle the downs right now. I am going to have to.

I was supposed to cuddling her at home. Not staring at her from her isolette. She was supposed to breastfeeding, she was not supposed to have a intubation tube down her mouth.
She was supposed to be staring up at me with her pretty dark blue eyes, she was not supposed to have swollen, black and blue eyes, and unable to open them.

I am supposed to be breastfeeding her, not the electrical pump in the Lactation room.

This sounds a lot like me me me, I I I. And to tell you the truth right now, I don't care. It is, how it is! I know God is present. I am very confused right now. I am questioning so many things, but I am grateful for what He is providing for my family. The medical staff at both facilities have been wonderful. I have lots of things that I AM grateful for, but I just feel so overwhelmed. It's not how thing were supposed to go. At least not in my plan.

but..

It's His plan, and although I don't understand it, nor right now do I like it. He is in control.

Lord please help my baby!!!!

Would you all please pray for her too!!!!!

I will try to update soon.

3 days

Three more due until my official due date, my appointment and my anniversary. It sounds like I have my priorities a little mixed up huh? I know. I can't think of anything else except getting Adalei here. I need to slow my roll. I do feel different today. More crampy in my lower pelvis, TMI but I did lose my MP yesterday. So maybe my baby finally decided to settle down and stay there! I have had 3 contractions in a hour. But its mild and doesn't bother me. I am going to go bounce on my "birthing ball" and see if that helps any. I keep reading all these different forums on Babycenter, about ladies and their birth stories. It's getting me all excited. However, I think it is not helping in other ways, because at the end of the day Addie is still in there. I just get more and more anxious. Today is the day I predicted her to show up. But I think I chose early this AM for my time so she has passed that hours ago. All those people that thought I was going to burst before August were way off now..... :)
I have 2 more days of work. Not looking forward to it. I just hope Addie and I can get this done today! They closed our unit Saturday. I don't know if its been opened back up yet or not. I really don't like to work on another floor, just because I have no clue where things are. In addition to the fact that if they float me I am most likely not going to be in charge. Which normally would be okay, but if you have to care for patients that are not independent (which really, most never are) that makes for a lot of pulling and lifting on a prego body. When you work on your own floor, teamwork is a little more established. Other floors, not so much, its kind of an independent game plan... Which scares me. Saturday a lady was attempting to fall while I helped her back to bed. Luckily we were close enough to her bed I was able to aim her to the bed as she lowered herself. We made it. Phew!

Make that 4 contractions in one hour..... Maybe today? *crosses fingers*

It's all in Gods hands, right? He is so good. I pray that my patience keeps it up while the clock keeps ticking by. She will come soon.

L & D visit

Grumble....

Last night I had contractions 2-3 minutes apart for about 2 1/2 hours. I called the Dr. He said living so far away, maybe I should get checked. So I did-- same story 1-2 cm, 50% effaced and she is STILL way up there. AH! I am so disappointed. We were there for 6 hours and nothing, she didn't come down or dilate more or anything! I just am drained. I was up all night with these darn contractions, got them where I thought something must be happening, and nothing! NOTHING. I am 39 weeks today. I am tired. I am ready to meet my baby. I know that she was way too high to have an effective induction (or so they tell me). But I was 1 of 2 patients on their floor. Come on-- why couldn't I be induced. Did I really want that before though. No not really, and maybe once my groggy head wakes up I will realize that, but I was so d#&* ready for it though. I bawled when they sent me home. I just want to see her. I'm so stinking impatient! I am so emotional. My Contractions have slowed way down. 20-30 minutes apart now. I don't know if I should be fighting to keep them going, or relax and let them decide. Maybe I should go for a long walk, or maybe I should take a bumpy car ride, or DTD (which started this by the way). Sorry I'm probably way too personal this post, but I feel horrible and needed a vent. I am not sure how to decide when is it time now. I was sure that I was definitely doing something last night, and nada. I guess I will wait until they are harder contractions.... even if they are 1-2 minutes apart. Sigh. I need to pray for strength, because I do not have it right now!

Final Countdown!

I opened my blog page this morning, and seen the little widget stating we were due in 9 days and my jaw dropped. All day yesterday I kept saying 10 days so you would think I would of had it figured out. It was definitely a shock. 9 days. It just looks more officially in writing! I am excited and nervous too. But I am anxious and want it to be less. I am rooting for now or at least by Friday. However, all my BH have sort of slowed down. I think I had been super stressed by the party, and wasn't drinking enough fluids lately. I feel great. In the aspect of how I feel, I could stay pregnant for a while! That must mean it's a ways away before I deliver right? Well, mentally I am super excited and want to have this happen. I do have something I want to discuss with the doctor, however its was an issue with my 1st pregnancy, and it nothing came of it. So I have been pushing it aside, but now I want to ask a few questions. If I get any news out of it I will share, otherwise, its probably TMI.

My house is in desperate need of attention today, so I plan on tackling that. I would also love to go get my baby niece's 1st birthday gift today. They are wanting to reschedule my OB appointment so I might possibly be going today or tomorrow? Not that anything big will come of it though.. "Yep. Baby's in there. See ya next week!" So if my appointment is today then the house cleaning will have to wait! Or at least some of it. :)

Well I suppose I should try to get something done around here, before a North Platte trip is in my schedule.

CONTEST!!!

Well I am having fun getting guesses on when Adalei will be born, her weight, and height. So much fun I thought why not run this over to my blog!!! I am thinking I will even have a prize for the person who guesses the correct day. I decided I need you all to guess a time also, just in case I have more entries than I think I will, and need a tie breaker. If I get a good response I will even do a contest for the closest weight. We will see.

What will be the prize? I haven't quite got that all figured out, but I will do SOMETHING. A gift certificate, or maybe something more....

For those readers that do not have a blogger account just post as anonymous and in your comment leave a way to identify/reach you.

Oh and for a hint. Luke was 7.4 ounces at birth.

So send me your date/time, and even weight/height guess if you want!! I am excited to see what you all are thinking out there! :)


Happy guessing!!!!!!! The contest entry will end Friday July 24th. And the winner will be announced by Adalei..... In her own way. LOL :)

Results

Heart appointment: wait it out. Dr. H. and I decided to see how things go for the next 4-5 weeks, if it becomes terrible go back. If my heart stuff doesn't settle down after Addie's here, go back, otherwise F/U in 6 months. My BP's run low already so he is nervous about placing me on a beta blocker. 106/60-- I agree. He tells me he is not sure why it happens, but some pregnant ladies do have issues with it. Piecing together Dr. H. and Dr. W.'s thoughts, I feel more at peace with the plan. I have had less frequent spells, however with worsening symptoms, but I believe that is because I getting bigger-- pregnancy wise. I am having more SOB because I am carrying a 5-6 pound baby around and all the extra stuff that comes along with it. So, I will continue to wait it out and monitor it, and be thankful its not a irregular rhythm. Now the OB Dr.s will have a heads up during my labor.

Baby appointment: So maybe she is not in the birth canal yet. They checked me when they were doing the swab stuff. I am 1 cm dilated and long. So still has to drop. That's okay. I'd hate to have her with her head in the birth canal for 4 weeks and be terribly cone headed anyways! :) Measuring at 38 weeks this week, so still 2 cm big. Her heart rate is 135. All is well and I go back next Thursday. So now I suppose I had better do the pregnancy questionnaire:

How far along: 36 weeks today!

Mommy's weight gain: I will say that it has jumped a little. 22 pounds.

Baby's size : according to babycenter. Addie is 18 inches long and almost 6 pounds.

Cravings: pretty much anything sweet will do. Ice cream for the last week, I finally indulged and had some yummy peanut butter/chocolate swirl last night. Very tasty.

Labor signs: Like I said yesterday, the lower back pressure and pain, and last night I had some bad contractions, but after I went to bed they went away.

Maternity clothes: just trying to make these last few weeks stretch by with what I have. Hubby's t-shirts and stretchy pants at home. I will have to go and get a new outfit later this month. We will see how that all pans out.

Sleep: Actually I have slept great the last couple of nights!

Milestone: 1 cm dilated! and being full term now. Phew. Baby can show up anytime if she wants.

We are starting to get the rooms situated for the baby. Ryan is going to work on the "new" dresser for Luke's room, and then we will bring his old one out to the living room, and attach the diaper changer pad to it. Viola, baby station for Mom in the middle of the night. Luke's new room is still on the stand still. One word--Drywall. Yuck. I am going to see how much I can reorganize our room and have Ryan make some small furniture adjustments so I can place the bassinet next to our bed. I feel so unprepared. Ryan is not much for getting things rearranged, "we have like 4 weeks still." SO frustrating! He'll kick it in gear though the week that she shows up..... :)

Sporting a new do, and a big belly.

I am super excited for tonight. I have a date with my super sweet hubby tonight. We are going to supper then a movie. Most likely we are going to see transformers or hangover. I think probably transformers.

I got my hair cut yesterday. Totally needed it. I am really loving it too. Lots of short layers and it curls really fun now with my old perm in it still. I can't wait to get all dolled up for my date! I will snap a picture, If I remember.

My stomach is getting big! Yesterday at my appointment they measured me at 37 weeks. I'm 35 weeks. Caught up a little in comparison to 35 @ 31 weeks like before, but still bigger than before. I weighed less this time (because I didn't chug a root beer float before I went this time.) ;^) Baby's heart rate was 130. He said her head is down. Hope she will stay there! He is still concerned about the heart stuff, but relieved its a normal sinus rhythm and not any funky beats. Dr. W says that at least we have a background check on it when/if I get a really high heart rate during labor.

I was supposed to have a heart check up yesterday too, but they had to reschedule it. I was peeved. So the nurse practitioner looked at all my results and told me everything looked really pretty good. However, she still wanted me to visit with the doctor about everything. So I go in Wednesday, if they don't change on me again.

Last night I had 2 long episodes of tachycardia. The first was 45 minutes and the second 35 minutes. I was just standing/strolling. I have been documenting them so I can show the doc.

I will try to get some pics later.
Have a great day!

Get Organized

I feel the nesting sensation coming on strong. Let's see if it remains with me for the rest of the day. I am planning on dragging out all of Luke's baby things and cleaning needed things up and getting them situated for use. Washing all of the clothes I plan to use-- that means taking most of the tags off of them. (If its not a girl, that wont be good. But it was pretty clear that it is.)Although I still have 6 weeks left I am going to put the diaper changer out in the living room where it will stay until Luke's new room is done. I should of already had it done, but I plan to get my hospital bag packed too. I can not describe this hunger I have to see my baby now. It's driving me crazy. I pulled out the new little sleepers I bought yesterday and held it up to my shoulder like I was holding Addie and patted "her bottom." I think that is one of my favorite things with my babies.

When they are all curled up and their little bottom sticks out a little when they are on your shuolder.
Kissing their cheeks (the ones on their face thats is, being how I was just talking about the other end I felt the need to clarify)
Their sweet, sweet, smell.
Them holding your finger.

Overall I just can't wait to see what she will look like. How much that will change and who she will be. I had a dream last night, that they have a special US machine that will show you the actual color of their eyes and hair. --- Geeze no suprises would be left then, right? Anyways, Addie had red hair like her Daddy, and Blue eyes also. I am beyond excited to find out. I hope that that is the case, Ryan really wants a little girl that looks like her Momma. Blonde hair, brown eyes. I will be happy either way! :)

EEeekkk! I am way excited!

Growing Girl

Had my appointments over the last few days.

I was having a heart spell at work, they sent me over to NHI. I had already started to calm down before I got there, but I was still flushed, sweaty and dizzy. Then did an EKG sinus tach 115. BP was a little high, mostly due to me rambling and nervous 146/104. So then I sported a heart monitor and and got labs drawn. Yesterday I returned the heart monitor and they informed me that my labs are fine. Never once did I have another episode to say while wearing it. I felt a few faster heart rates low 100s, and a few palpitations, but not the 144 I was doing the day before. I have an echo scheduled for the 1st. And a follow up appointment the 10th. They said they will most likely give be a beta blockers to lower the heart rate and calm some of those symptoms down. I am sure they are going to tell me like they have in the past. Idiopathic sinus tachycardia. Mind over matter. Sigh. We will see.

But that's not the reason I am posting. I wanted to share my OB appointment with you all. First off, I once again tell you that I love Dr. J. By far the best! So thorough. My mother in law went with me to this appointment, since I was getting an US and had taken my mom to one, I thought I'd have Holly join me this time. We went back to the US room, got my BP taken. It was just fine. Phew! Dr. J comes in. I asked if the baby was positioned right if he could peek. "Of course" I was told! Score! I know that the picture on the side bar changes every week, but right now its on 33 weeks and that was just about the position the baby was in. Dr. pointed out the femur and then stopped on on area and asked us what the certain body part was. I was thinking labia, but was afraid to have my thoughts denied and be told something else. Holly asked "scrotum?" Dr. J says "No. That's the labia. This is a little girl. The dark color is fluid and that is the fluid around the area. " It was a clear shot of my little girls parts. I have a picture actually, but I don't think I will post it. Kinda weird maybe, but I feel as if that is too personal..... She was so camera shy for so long, now I post her to the world? Haha. Silly I know.

Then he measured the head, and abdomen, the femur, and looked at her heart, and he pointed out the features of her face, and the showed us her little foot with one toe sticking up, it was adorable. He also showed us her abdomen moving and explained that she was practicing breathing with diaphragm movements!! Way neat to see. That's my girl! Then he looked at the fluid and placenta. He explained all the many reasons in which I could have been measuring large (which was a measurement of 35 weeks instead of 31), and said that everything looked great. Healthy baby. She is growing at the 50th percentile, and actually estimated that she was 4 lbs 13 ounces!!!! Way to grow! Ryan pointed out that the EDD in the pictures say August 9th, 2009, that's 4 days early. But the Dr. didn't say anything different so I am sticking with the 13th, until she tells us differently! :)

He reassured me of many other things, and told me that I just need to make myself relax with the heart thing. He also told me not to gain much more weight. I started to protest that their scale is so off. and since my appointments have been later and later in the afternoon there was food to account for. I told him on my home scale I have weighed the same for 2 months now with just a few ounces difference. I think he could tell that I was ready to attack about all of it. I feel I am doing great, and he did look into that and said to just be careful, about it. Which kinda unnerved me a little because this is when the baby is going to be the one gaining, how am I supposed to stop that! According to my scale I did jump up a teeny bit and am now up 19 lbs. I am eating healthy (for the most part) and am actually doing a low intensity work out. That I feel great about, and if I do say so myself, I can gain 5-10 lbs and not have too much trouble. I have 7 weeks left. Wow. Can you believe that?

I need to get stuff prepared for her. I feel weird changing Luke's room around, but I need to get things situated so I am not digging out of the closet for stuff for her each day.... I don't know what to do. It's still Luke's room and I want him to be able to play in but I need to set things up so they are ready for her, without his little fingers getting into everything. Ryan is allowing me to get a girl bedding set and so I am looking at some different options, I want it to be purple, and something that goes well with a yellow wall. I have two options right now.


Ryan and I also had a discussion about her name again. He really likes Sarah still. I like the name but am not in love with the name. Addalei-- I have a 75% love for. Emilee Dawn 40%. I feel that maybe I shouldn't have been open about the name, because now I feel kinda stuck with Addalei, I mean Luke says it now, and knows that there is a baby hiding in mommy's belly named Addalei and even prays for her, by name. So I feel like I have to use it. And now that makes me not like it so much. But Ryan has made it clear that Sage will not be her middle name. He doesn't like it at all. So I have been mulling over a few different names and I know at first I didn't care for it but I think I like Addalei Rose Tullis. Ryan loved it, but will give it some time. I will keep my backup names there too. Ryan still likes Adrienne also.

Well I have blabbed on and on. I am going to go finish up some laundry and straighten my house a little more. Bye for now!

Appointment and Anxiety.... not needed, I suppose?

Had another baby appointment today. I am measuring big for size, and I have a referral to the Cardiologist.

Seen Dr. W today. I waited about 30 minutes before I got to the room, and then I was in and out the door very quickly. With a few new orders and plans shoved at me as I chased him out the door. Well not quite, but he responded to my concerns and however, quickly he ordered things, he did do so.... Next appointment they are going to do another US. and it's finally going to be by my fave Dr., Dr. J. He usually is very thorough. So I plan on asking him to take a peek at my babies parts while we are there, if he will oblige me. I was nervous about Dr. W saying I was measuring big. We were discussing heart stuff and he threw this at me in the middle of it, and we were out the door to get a referral before I could really figure out what he was saying. I didn't even think to ask how much over I measured. So, although I remembered that it was not really a big ordeal to be measuring big, I am/was fretting. I looked it up on numerous pregnancy websites. Most likely I just have a big baby, or she is just positioned high this visit, or several other things that don't amount to too much. I really honestly believe that she is positioned high today. I was having trouble breathing this afternoon, and I suspect it was because she stretched higher into my ribs than usual. We'll see.

I am awaiting a call for my heart appointment. I am nervous about it. I am scared about any medication, even if I have been told and have read that most are safe this late in the pregnancy, I am scared of it hurting her heart, or other side effects it could have on her.... Or which sounds silly; they dismiss me, and tell me to get over it, and tell me I am pretending. All the tests have been negative... I want to know if there is something more I should be doing. I have found the triggering factors though. Heat, digestion, and stress. The first of these three is the most common trait I believe.. so far. I have ate and not had issues, and I have been in the heat and not had issues, but there are the times that I have had them. Unfortunately, the hardest part of my pregnancy I will be enduring more and more heat. I just hope that that doesn't result in more and more tachycardia issues.... The last few I've had, have been at home, and I just cool off, do some vagal maneuver and relaxation techniques, I can usually get it to go away in about 20-30 minutes. Dr. W. tells me that he thinks this is too long of a time frame. I will agree, I thought that before, but after my ER visit I thought maybe it isn't that big of a deal. But that day I felt 2 hours was a he** of a long time to be having it. If he is saying 20 minutes is too long, I feel better that I did go in now. I honestly felt VERY foolish going to the ER . Now I don't. I am nervous and scared about my visit today, I feel a little better now that I have gotten some of my feelings out there. Sorry if it kinda jumbled.

Baby's heart rate was 130-- isn't that kinda low???? Dr. W wasn't concerned I guess......
Arg!

Well I need to get my little guy into bed. Have a great night!

Baby Update and a little extra

Theses are pics we took of Luke last night; the Schwan's man always gives Luke a page of stickers and it's quite obvious what he proceeds to do with them. He is always precisely putting them on and then taking them back off and placing nicely on the paper they came from. Such a neat little guy I have!! ha ha.

We went the North Platte yesterday to see my sisters and nephew. We did some crafts and the boys got paint on them and their projects. I should have snapped a pic of Luke's puppy he painted. He was very detailed with everything.

I suppose its that time of the week again I better update you all on little Addi!

How far along: 30 weeks today! I am officially 3/4 the way done! Woohoo!

Mommy's weight gain: 17 pounds as of yesterday. Trying to be good. Once again, am loving fruit right now so it make it much easier.

Baby's size: The still say 3 pounds however, she is 15.5 inches long now. The reason for that is that they say the energy is being used to form the brain better right now. I have been feeling so much more movement this last week, its awesome!

Cravings: Fruit and red meat. Steaks and hamburgers sound so good!

Labor signs: Well I won't go into detail, but something feels different down under and when I go see the doc next week I am going to discuss it. I have been feeling pretty good for the most part. A little dizzy today, but over all no recurrent BH or anything.

Maternity clothes: Wearing sleepy clothes most of the time and Ryan's T-shirts. I need to get out and buy a few more nursing bras, but I will have to wait until i know if that road will be a traveled one or not...

Sleep: My arms are starting to fall asleep at night. Its aggravating. However, the bathroom frequency has lightened a smidgen.

Milestone: I guess feeling the baby move so much. Other people are starting to be able to see the movements now too. Which is fun.

Luke and I are on the heavy bathroom patrol. He has gone twice really well. I hope he keeps it up. He had a meltdown once though. I hate those, it makes me feel like I am pushing him to do this before he is ready. Well I really need to get some things done around here. Have a great day everyone!

Nothing new or great

I have decided that I really really really love the name Addalei Sage. Unique. Weird (maybe). I knew a girl in school named Sage. She was so smart. I was always semi-jealous of her intelligence. She left the school early to go to a higher academic school. Not really sure where or for what. She was smart though.

I thought the two names went well together, and I keep saying it out loud. I think I am totally loving it. I get weird looks from the people at work though, well some of them. Not everyone. Oh well, if I named her Emily Lorraine I probably wouldn't get any weird looks, because its plain, used, old fashioned. That is why that name is still an option too. I just need to keep repeating the name to Ryan, because he is not convinced yet. I'll get it! ha ha. Probably not. He will make up another name and I will be swept away by it. Like I have been all the other times he has given me names.

Addalei Sage Tullis

Emily Lorraine Tullis

Sunday at work Addi was kicking up a storm!!! Man she was going wild in there!! Non-stop action. I loved it! It warms my heart so much feeling her kick.

Monday was a crazy day. We have had low census for almost 2 weeks and it picked up with a vengeance yesterday. Six admits, and a few issues on the floor. It was a mess from 3pm on. Glad I have a few days off!

Today, I have been doing random cleaning; laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom. And enjoying some time with Luke. I didn't want to put him down for a nap because I was having such a great time with him today. My sweet little guy!

Side note: see the widget asking you to vote for my nephew, please do!!! He wrote a cute essay about his step dad and and entered it into the newspaper. Chad is trying to adopt him. Its a cute essay, and I hope they win, it would be so fun for their family!!! Thanks.

Cindy

Baby update

Well, being how I am trying to take it easy today, I have planted my rear here for a longer duration than normal. So I thought while reading my Weekly pregnancy update, I would update you all about how my pregnancy is going.

How far along? 29 weeks today! :) They say 9/10 chances baby would live outside of me now. Phew... Let's keep her baking a little longer though!

Mommy's weight gain: 16 pounds and holding. Thank God for the fresh fruit cravings!

Baby's size: They books say approx. 3 pounds. Addi is 15 inches long too. :)

Cravings: The fresh fruit is the main thing. I was wanting some corn dogs this afternoon, I settled for Chicken nuggets instead!

Labor Signs: Still having BH, infrequently. No big deal to me right now. No other signs.

Maternity clothes: never did get new pants while in Omaha. :( the shirts I have been wearing to work are wearing out on me. There is holes in the underarms now. Arg.. I might just have to go buy another scrub top or two to get me by for 2 more months.

Sleep: Hips are feeling better, just my shoulders and ears hurt laying on my side. In addition to already having bad snoring issues, now I have a cold. Poor Ryan.

Milestone: Well finding out that we have a little girl is probably the biggest milestone. However, I am a little skeptical and hope that I don't feel disappointed if she really is actually a he. That would be the biggest milestone.

The worst part of the week: My tachycardia yesterday. So far, I feel great today. Lets pray it remains that way!!!

ER visit, and a cold

Whine and complain! Please let me....

Went to the ER yesterday for a rapid heart rate. I had just finished eating lunch and went back to work down to OBV and it hit me. I had one of the girls check my BP. 126/76, but my heartrate was 136. I was feeling diaphoretic, and lightheaded, and my chest was pounding. It lasted over an hour. Then I decided I can't get it to go down, and called to leave work, and then went to the ER. Got a bolus, lots of tests done and after my bolus I felt much better, heart rate went down to 96-100 resting and 110's with activity. I felt much better. Test came back fine--a little hyponatremic (low sodium), but not bad. I had been very well hydrated that day in my own opinion, I had drank almost 1 liter of water (Maybe too hydrated? Doesn't seem possible). No caffeine either..... I am just getting tired of hearing the same old thing. Why does this keep happening? I guess I should just be thankful that I didn't need a BP medication to bring it down. So I am going to try again to eat smaller meals more frequently to hopefully curb this response that my body keeps doing once I eat.

Today, I feel tired and my ear hurts. I can barely hear anything out of it. Once Luke is down for a nap I believe I will do the same. I am happy that I got to be on call today!!! I feel yucky, and would rather not have this yucky feeling at work.

Ryan is liking Addalei again. However I am not liking the middle names again, so if any of you have an idea, please share it!! I would love to hear your ideas. I am thinking more and more out there with the middle name, but I do think it should be shorter? Not definite.
I like:

Sage
Elle
Aven
Jean

Open too many ideas.

Oh I forgot if I mentioned on the last post I made that when I got home from from my appointment that Ryan was unable to go to, he had a little present fro me and Addalei? He had bought a sweet little pink sleeper with a bunny and flowers on it. The feet and arms have little ruffles on them too. It is cute. Such a sweet daddy. He also keeps saying to my when I leave to go somewhere, take care of Daddy's Little Girl. Aww... Melts my heart!
Well have a great day!
Cindy

OB appt.

I will update later just thought I would buzz by and let you all know that my 28 week appt. is today at 230. I will see a nurse practitioner, although they were very sweet at my 12 week appointment, I don't know if I can sweet talk them into sneaking me back for another ultrasound. I am even going to brave the storm and suggest a 4-D US.... Hmm. I hope I will be wearing my lucky pants today. I will need it! Hopefully I will have some pics and news, and not a tearful selfish post about not getting what I want. Wait and see...

Oh and Ryan informed me last night that he doesn't really care for the names we have picked out.... So back to the drawing board.

Great Weekend and Note to My Friend

Hello,

I had a wonderful weekend. Ryan and I headed down to Omaha. It was a very nice get-away for me and my hubby. Totally relaxing and fun. We went to the casino and I lost some and Ryan lost a bunch--and then recovered it! :) Ate at some fun place. We got some FUN shopping done. The best part-- I got to see Sarah, and meet little Jackson!!!

After meeting Jackson and buying some fun baby clothes, I am starting to feel that nesting thing coming on strong. I want to get the room ready, but I don't have a room to move Luke too yet. so it will all have to wait. But I am getting really excited.

I decided to post some pics of my specific clothes I have bought new for the baby. I still have quite a few used girl items that were given to me, and of course all of Luke's things for a boy. But I needed a few extras. Hee hee. It made me feel better. I actually have a nice selection of things.

I have quite an assortment of little girls things, and almost everything that I have ever bought was on clearance/sale. My mom bought that cute shirt and blue skort. Way too cute!





It obvious that I have a thing for fruity flavored clothes!! Hee hee

This has the cherries on the front (see above this one) and on the little bottom. Too cute!



Some big girl clothes, most of which I paid 1 dollar or less for. I Love the polka-dot shirt!!

We do have some boy clothes also, just not as many new ones. I have boxes of clothes to go through if this is a boy! Note: the cute pumpkin hat that I picked up for 25 cents. Great buy, I also got the cute girls white hat for the same price. Steal!



The bottom on this one is also adorable. I purchased a similar outfit for Jackson at toys-r-us, and then realized its a carters outfit too. So when I was at carters store the next day and saw this number I had to get it. It was on sale too. They had great Memorial Day sales; we got over 10 things and spent 40 bucks! I would really like to saw that my hubby was the one that found the pricier items that we purchased ;) I love Carters. Most of the outfits are carters whether I brought directly from there store or from department stores. I would just dress my child in Carters clothes if they had a store nearby!!!

This little number is the coming home/hospital picture outfit for my little girl. I have had this outfit since before Luke was born, in case he was a little girl. I absolutely adore it! It is two separate pieces but I had to have a sweater over it, because Luke was to be born in the early spring, and so yeah. The sweater. They are adorable pieces alone, or together. I took the liberty to show it off a little.


I love the purple in it. Way too cute!



Here is the same dress with little truck tracks on it. Big Brothers! I don't have a coming home outfit for if its a boy yet. Because I haven't found the perfect one yet. But trust me you will see it one way or another!


Daddy picked out this cute little vibrating chick for the baby. It is too adorable. It chirps too. I have been holding on my belly. The baby squirms after I play it. :)

Maybe I should include this next long bit into a post of its own, but oh well, they correlate, and you can take a break if your eyes are bugging out.

I was given the privilege to meet Jackson, one of my bestest friends ever, Sarah's new little guy. I meet him Saturday. Just slightly over 12 hours after he was born. Jackson is such a cutie pie. He was six weeks early and my is he a cutie. I was actually with Sarah when she held Jackson for the very first time. Sigh... I knew I was going to need my Kleenexes to write this all out. I can't stop crying. It was beautiful. (I know that holding Luke for the first time was beyond awesome.) I just felt this bond between Sarah and Jackson emit from them. It was magnetizing.

Being a nurse and studying about all aspects of life/medical/emotional needs. I thought I had the basics covered for what a NICU mother/baby bond would be like. I even knew what it was like to have a baby myself. However, nothing could prepare me for the whole tornado of emotions I went through just watching Sarah and Jackson. Not even brushing on the tip of the iceberg what Sarah must have been feeling.

Sarah had pre-eclampsia and needed to deliver him early. The emergency of taking Jackson to make sure he was well, would have been heart-wrenching. Seeing your baby for a few moments and not being able to see him for hours after would have been horrible. I can't imagine it. Not knowing what he is going through. Not being able to take that time to count each toe and finger, and see all the faces of your loved ones as he is shown to everyone. That would have been hard. Sarah was strong though, and knowing that your little one needs that extra care right then, would have been enough to allow him to leave your side. My heart leaps out for Sarah with that thought. I don't think I would have been that strong.

It was great to see Sarah, she was a glowing Mama. However, she was very tired too. I remember the day of and after Luke was born, not wanting to sleep for fear of missing something, and desperately needing rest. Then I was able to go with her and her Mama and sister to see Jackson.

I stood quietly outside Jackson's room, as the nurse and Sarah discussed the care and needs of little Jackson prior to Sarah finally holding him. I thought to myself, If I was in Sarah's shoes I would be blanking out by now. Wanting to have the nurse be done so I could hold my baby, but coming back to realize that this is necessary information on how I can help my little one the best.

Just knowing the all too fragile state Jackson was in/could potentially be in, scared me. I was afraid he would bust if we whispered too loud. But, you could obviously see how strong and healthy he was. This little dude did not require any oxygen needs. That rocks! He was still closely monitored by numerous cords and electrodes, and was receiving IV fluids. All the cords are so cumbersome. I deal with cords and tubes on the babes I care for on my floor, but this seemed so much more vital too me on Jackson. I stared in awe at the numbers and the little heart rhythm scrolling across the screen. I thought so many questions to myself. I can't even imagine all the questions Sarah would have had.

Sarah, had magnesium still infusing, and although I have never experienced it, I do know that many of its side effects are not fun at all. Sarah must have been feeling all this exhaustion from labor and lack of sleep, and overwhelming excitement that all mothers have. However, on top of that too-- weariness, pain and excessive heat brought on by the mag. She sat holding Jackson, in that wonderful soothing bliss all mothers know. Taking all of her little one in, as if she were breathing his spirit in. Familiarizing herself with every grasp, wiggle, and grunt he made. Seeing her soothe him when he was fussing was endearing. When Sarah leaned forward to kiss her little one, it was very surreal. She barely brushed him with her lips. I think that is when it really hit me the most. He is so little, and fragile. I couldn't know what Sarah was thinking then, but I know when Luke was born, it took me 2 weeks before I really felt comfortable to kiss him.

Was it the whole theory that nurses don't kiss babies/patients? I think that was part of it. There was part of me that also felt that he wasn't truly mine, I did not have the right to kiss him. He would be taken away from me, so I better not do too much or get too close. This also plays into the part of, what if I lose him? What if he were to die/or get really sick? I don't want to hurt him, or be too attached. Really odd thoughts, but that's how I felt with Luke, so maybe this is how Sarah felt kind of.

When I left that night, Sarah was back to her room and Jackson was in his own room all snuggly warm and ever so handsome. I thought to myself, I have been a witness to such a momentous thing here, and have thought about hardly anything else since then. I feel truly blessed to be a part of that moment.

Sarah, thank you. I hope this post means as much to you as the experience you gave me. I just wanted to give you a glimpse in to how thankful for that moment I was. I feel totally undeserving to have been a part of it. I will cherish it with all of my heart! I am so proud of you for dealing with all you did in your pregnancy, and doing all you could to allow Jackson more time to grow. You are an amazing Mama! Jackson is a lucky little Graham cracker! I can't wait to see him when he is a big strong boy, in which, I will be showering him with kisses!! Sorry Jackson, Auntie Cindy will be after you!

I will say that though Jackson is the cutest little bug around, and I am getting ants in my pants for my little bug to show up. I think I will be okay if he/she bakes for a few more months first!!

Oh and I think you all deserve a pic of my little man too... Thanks for joining me with this LONG post. :)

Happy Memorial Day!

Lazy Days

I had yesterday and today off. It is so nice. This weekend was crazy. I am hoping Wed. and Thu. are nicer days.
Yesterday we planted some berry plants: service berry, gooseberry, raspberry, blueberry and grapes. I don't think most of them will bear any fruit this year, but I think that would be so neat if they did a little. I mowed the lawn and just bummed around the house mostly yesterday. It is 1000 am and Luke is still sleeping. I am shocked! Of course my other child decided to wake Mommy up at 730. Drat. I would have loved to sleep in. Oh well got some laundry started and and a few things tidied up before Luke gets up.

I thought I would post a few things about the baby and such.

How far along? 27 weeks and 6 days

Mommy's weight? Man I wish it were less. I think as punishment for kinda gloating about my low progress (in that area) so far, I got kicked in the gut and food forced down my mouth.... I gained another 7 pounds in 2 weeks. 17 pounds total. Eeck! So I am going to blame 1 pound on the baby, and the other 6 pounds I am going to keep them tucked back and try not to exceed 25 lbs now. I have been choosing fruits of empty sweets. However the brownies that I ate, they don't count right? Cutting back of indulging on the cravings, and making healthier choices. I have stayed the same weight the last 3 days, so that's alright. I am not going to restrict my baby from growing. Don't worry. Knowing me, I will probably gain 40 pounds this pregnancy... Sigh.

Baby is how big? 14 1/2 inches long and about 2 pounds, according to parents connect.

Cravings? Fruit. Its better anyway, and Fruit flavored teas. Yummy.

Labor signs? Remember I said work was crazy, well I did not sit down for about 6 hours on Saturday and was starting to get a contraction about every 5-7 minutes. The last of them were fairly hard ones, and I decided no more, I am taking a break I don't care who has to go pee, or needs another cup of coffee. They stopped almost immediately, once I ate lunch and drank a bunch of water, I felt much better.

Maternity clothes? Pants are awful, All of them are tight after about an hour. Tops I got a few more color variations of the striped shirts I am really liking right now.Hopefully I will find a few new pants/shorts when I am in Omaha.

Sleep? Still the same, sore on my hips, shoulders, and ears from sleeping on my sides. Tossing and turning and not sleeping. Preparation for sleepless nights with my baby.

Milestone? Another appointment next week sometime. The last of the monthly and on to the twice a month visits. That seems so strange to me. Possibly another US also. I am very much okay with not finding out now though. I was just hoping for a few baby pics for the baby book.

I have kind of relaxed about the whole breastfeeding thing. I was getting so paranoid, and I realize that all that stress was not going to help. So I am just going to wait it out.

I am getting super excited about Ryan and my trip to Omaha!!

Stay cool in the Heat today!!!