Ramblings

Things are going well with work. I really enjoy my job and am learning quite a bit. And quite a bit about myself. I have doctor-phobias.... I really don't talk to them well because I let myself become intimidated by them. Well the Dr.s here are wonderful and open and friendly and that has allowed me to slowly get over this phobia, hopefully sooner than later. I am really trying to overcome my my fear of emergency too.... Hopefully one day my knees won't knock and I won't get flustered when we get emergencies. Seriously!

I will tell you that I am not adjusting to the day/night sleep thing. I am SUPER sleepy all the time, and lack any motivation to get anything done! I feel very neglectful of my home. Night 5 of the nights rotation during this month. Once, this month is over than I can go back to mostly days and only a few night shift. It will work out SO much better.

I do feel kind of isolated now. I really don't have much for friends..... Or any desire to leave my house to visit them. I rarely leave Arnold, so my N.P. friends/family that I only saw for events and work are neglected. I really want to fit in at work and have friends here, but I feel like maybe I am pushing too much. Sigh.

Oh yeah, my sis -in-law is preggers. I am beyond happy for them. Ryan told me that I am going to end up with baby fever by the time the new little one joins the Tullis clan, but I'm already there. However I get in a panic when the prospect of that actually happening is a possibility. And then once the "scare" is over, I am truly disappointed! Argh! I really want to wait until Adalei is 2 and/or potty trained. If it happens before, I will be very happy. If it doesn't.... Not concerned either. But let me clarify, we are NOT trying.

My sister is getting married next week, I am so happy! Not excited about my "heavyweight" body going into the bridesmaid dress, but exuberant for her and excited to celebrate the momentous occasion with her!!!

I am sorry this has been so long to get an update, but to tell you the truth the whole Adalei's Journey is sticking out like a sore thumb, and I really am lacking the memory on most of it. So If I finish it I do.. If I don't I'm sorry. Maybe it would just be easier to copy and paste my facebook statuses to this and them you can see all of it..... Hmmm? It would lack the emotion though.
One thing that I will say about that now, is that at my new job they have the soap we had to use before we could go back to see Adalei, every time I smell it it takes my right back there. Deep, DEEP emotions overwhelm me. I never experienced such nostalgia from smells like that before. I think of holding her for the first time after her surgery, breast pumping, remember the beeps of the machines, all the tubes. It swirls through my head in a millisecond, and I am briefly sad and then I rejoice, because my miracle baby survived all of it. Thanking God every time.

Have a wonderful day! God bless you all!