Motivation

I am so full of motivation for several things it amazes me. The Spring fever bug bit me good!

We are planning a garden this spring. We have the area tilled slightly. Thanks to Holly and Ed for the use of the tiller and Ryan for operating that scary beast for me!! Whoa Mama that thing is precarious looking. My little Luke got me started on the gardening business this year. With fun requests to grow pickles and bouncy ball trees. Pickles I can definitely do (well try at least.) The Bouncy Ball Tree sounds amazing, but don't think I could pull it off! :) We decided to grow peas, tomatoes, cucumbers (pickles), beans carrots and onions. Luke wasn't to excited about onions but we use them in EVERYTHING! I Love onions. So that is out plan. With the gorgeous weather we have been having I felt excited about getting going on the garden and Luke was too. So

I bought a seed starting tray and we planted some flowers to plant in the flower beds in the front of the house, given that I am not sure how well it will go there until the gutters get installed. We might find another home for our starter flowers if the gutters are not in when they are ready to be transplanted. Luke was super excited about sunflowers when we looked at seeds the other day. So I picked some of those up too, along with lavender and cosmos for the seed starters.

I am really hoping to give them a learning experience with this too. So we all planted the starters and I really hope they turn out because that was a little chaotic. Adalei poked and over seeded most of hers and my little gardener Luke was meticulous on his. Such a proud mama! I really wanted to label them also, but the chaos overran, and I'm mot sure whats where. I am going to try to photograph our seed growths to for Luke and Adalei to learn more. and make a diagram, and a "what a plant needs booklet" I saw on Pinterest.

I have been interested in home supplement schooling both of them. I don't know if I could home school my kids, but I am willing to at least start a scheduled time of day to work with both kids on developing their little minds. Trying to get lots of ideas on how to do this and how much I dig into it. I envision 2 little desks and shelves of school supplies and a little calendar and weather board. But, my home isn't prepared to have such a room right now. Maybe when Adalei's room is done upstairs? Or the guest room we could use too! Uww the gears a rolling.

I have been also very ambitiously cleaning my house. I am a FlyBaby! Check out www.FlyLady.net Last week I had off and I CLEANED! House looks great and now I am concentration my efforts on certain areas in the house like the web page guides you to do. I love it! Baby steps are great for the messiest areas!

I am also very motivation to continue to lose weight. I am down 37 pounds since January! I keep finding delicious healthy meals to make. My hubby is enjoying them and we are both dropping the pounds. I will say though, I would love to eat sweets everyday, but I feel so much better, and from this post you can tell I feel very ambitious and energized. Ryan has lost over 50, and is looking HOT! (If I do say so myself!) :) We are still doing the Pound Plunge and currently 2ND place!!!!!! Woo HOO! 2 more weeks until the final weigh in. We are excited and exercising fools right now getting as much as we can done to prepare for it! I am actually thinking of trying to do a 5K run as a long term goal with my weight loss. They have lots of neat apps on the smart phones and there are several Couch to 5 K apps to help you prepare. Finished day 2 today. The runs are 3 x per week. Really enjoyed running today! I found out from my very first run this year that I have exercise induced asthma, and talked to a Dr about it. So I started using an inhaler just prior to running and today I could SO tell a difference! I didn't think I was dying after wards (or even 5 hours afterwards, like I had the first run).

Speaking of ailments, my sinus infection is nearing its death. The chest cold is finally lifting. I also had nerve numbness/pain with a headache too and the nerves are still not great, but the headaches are better. I do have some left arm weakness though. So if after my steroid regimen is done with this week, and if I still have that crazy numb/nerve stuff I am going to talk with the Dr. again. The idea that maybe an MRI is needed was thrown out there, so if you could say quick prayer that this silly nerve stuff would resolve on its own that would be greatly appreciated.

Okay well now that your eyes are bleeding, I will let you get back to your regularly scheduled lives! Thanks for taking time to read my blog.

God Bless
Cindy

Foodie.... Not Fattie!

Crunchy Granola

(not as healthy as I would like it to be)

Yummy Layered Jell-O

I Love Pintrest! I have found so many yummy foods to try. Neat hair do ideas, ideas for Luke's Mickey Mouse themed birthday party. And AWESOME craft ideas. If any of you want an invite leave your email addy and I'll invite you! And you can join me on this craze.

As you may have noticed on my little blinkie on the side I have reached my 20 lbs mark, and going strong. I am constantly looking for more inspirations and routines to try. Started to include a "Fab Ab February" Routine to my workout. I really doubt I will get FAB abs in just a month... Well I might, but it's well hidden under layers and layers of fat. So I will continue to do them and hope my pants and shirts fit a little looser. Planks really are killer. They look simple enough, but if you do them correctly.... Wow! Burn baby burn!

Adalei's finger is doing great. Still doing the bandage changes daily. Today she is a little mopey but snuggly. It is a cold snowy day, makes me extra snuggly too. So I don't mind.

Well 5-14 inches of snow expected here. Only about 2 inches maybe here so far. So I hope tomorrows drive to work goes okay. Safe travels and stay warm!

Cindy

Running....

Kicked my BUTT!

I am still wheezing and in pain. But I am happy, high from my workout. I feel so great! It was a BEAUTIFUL January day here. I felt sad about not doing so yesterday. Boy, was I happy that I went today. I feel great and my waist line will thank me as soon as my lungs forgive me.

In other news, Adaleis finger is doing great. She is a trooper, and tolerating the dressing changes better each time!

We might have our siding finished for us, by hiring someone. I am excited about it, but I hope its not to pricey. We will hopefully get the estimate this week.

Nothing else important to share. Alot of friends and co-workers have lost loved ones recently and I just hope to reach out to them and pray that God comforts their pain.

Have a great evening.

Cindy

Just a pinch will do.

This week has been very eventful. Well, maybe only Monday, but stressful at that. I worked at the Clinic on Monday. I was told I had a phone call on line one... the babysitters voice on the other end with crying in the background, told be something was array. "We have a little emergency." What??? Oh no! Well it turns out Adalei got her finger pinched in the hinge/crack of a drop down table leaf that was raised quickly. However, it wasn't just a pinch. It pinched the tip of her left index finger right off. Yup. You read right. Off. The babysitter was taking her to the Arnold clinic, and I take off to go meet up with them. Well several calls and minutes later, they decided she needs an x-ray and is en route to Callaway. I meet up with them on the road. At first I can't see Adalei in he car and the babysitter holds up a bio hazard/specimen bag with a wad of gauze inside... part of her finger. Talk about freak out mode. A few shuddering breaths, and the babysitters consoling of it not being as serious as it appears, and I compose myself. I walk to the babysitters car and there sits my baby, tear stained cheeks but calm and quiet. Her little hand bandaged all up. She says to me, "I got an owwie." I pick her up and get her all settled in my car and off we go to Callaway. Called Daddy to meet up with us when we got there. Once there they take her right back to x-ray. We removed the bandage and I about lost it. My baby's finger is all cut up! As soon as Adalei noticed I was upset she became upset, so I played it cool. Adalei hated to see it all "blah-bloody" too. But she listened well and held her arm still. Then we coveredit back up and the the whimpers quieted again.

The X-ray.

Thank the Heavenly Father the bone was not broken. However, the tissue that got pinched off could not be reattached and she probably will have a deformity in that finger, but it didn't get all of her nail, so that should grow back too. The team at the Hospital was great. I appreciate all they do! So now, she is on antibiotics and daily dressing changes. Ugh.. Which I hate. I hate being a nurse on my baby. But she does really good. She has a purple band-aid on that finger and gets lots of TLC.

Snuggling with Mommie.

Her band-aid finger peeking out of the blankie.

On to other news:
Just got her heart check up final results, everything is fine. Follow up in a year. Good!



Weight loss is slllllloooooowwwwing down. WAY down. But as long as it is going down I can live with it!! 18 lbs so far. I know I am getting more muscle too. I am able to do more push-ups and crunches. Starting to see more definition in my arms and maybe, maybe a slight line to show me where my abs are supposed to be.


I am hoping to have a fun day at my sisters and mom and dads tonight. So I hope you all have a great day!




Cindy

I may be addicted.

I really doubt it. But I love exercising right now. I feel sad when I don't. And I feel in control of my body with my calorie counting. I definitely feel fuller and better for the most part. The end of work day is my low point. Tired and probably low on calories really gets me. But my good friend FitnessPal on the smart phone shows me how much more I can eat, and my wonderful husband encourages me to work out. Tonight is the first night/day I have not logged any time on our elliptical. I was in North Platte most of the day with Dr.'s appointments and such and didn't make it back home with much time before work.

Adalei had her heart appt. We think everything is okay. It looked alright, the EKG was a little misleading, but the preliminary result of her follow up ECHO was good. I wont have final results until next week sometime. If she is okay, check scheduled for next year, if its not..... We really didn't discuss it because the Dr didn't think it was a true problem. So I went along with it because why borrow trouble? So I will let tomorrow worry about itself, and continue to enjoy my sweet girl. Speaking of that girl we went and got supplies to have a fun nail painting party together. I let her choose 2 colors by herself and then picked out a pack of nail stickers to try too. I can't wait! Should be fun!!

I chipped a tooth on Sunday and had it worked on today. Its a baby tooth. Interesting huh? Also there is no adult tooth hiding under it either. It is a hereditary trait. Fun Fact for your Friday!

I acquired a fun little weight loss bling for my blog, I just hope it doesn't start to mock me later. I really am trying hard and I love reading about new exercises and tips and advice. Wrapping my head around the whole process has really helped to keep me motivated.

Thanks for staying tuned!

Cindy

No pain, no Gain.... Or Loss

Luke working on a puzzle!

Its a 100 piece puzzle he got for Christmas. He was SO happy to get it all put together. It entertained him for hours.

I hurt yesterday, so I didn't give it my all yesterday.... Which also meant only 3 ounces lost yesterday... Sigh. So I must work harder today. Counting calories SUCK. I have read so many different calorie limits I should try to stay under, and I am positively lost. So I'm going to try one for this week. If it doesn't work, I'll shoot for the other one. It that one doesn't work I will go somewhere in between.

Ryan and I both are doing the pound plunge. We have a lot to lose to win but we are working hard... Both of us have lost.



In other news Adalei is potty trained except nap/bedtime. I'm so proud of my big girl!

Have a great day.

Cindy

The Christmas Letter-like Post.

Well life is speeding along and and I'm just trying to enjoy the ride. A quick update on my family members.


Me: Still loving my job. Have a great "family" I work with. So happy I changed hospitals! God has blessed me numerous times over with this change, and I am forever grateful.
I am starting a New Year's Resolution. Like most I am going to try to lose some weight. I really want to do good at this. I hope I am not setting myself up for failure. I am joining 2 weight loss "programs." The pound plunge, and Healthy Lifestyles Nebraska. Both which do weekly weigh ins, and awards prizes for losses. We also have purchased a elliptical workout machine, which, once it arrives will be a giant eye sore and uncomfortable piece of furniture in out living room. So if you are coming over for a visit, I apologize now, I promise not to make you sit on it though! ;) Currently I have a little cold/throat bug bothering me but that will soon subside with the nice meds I was given to day!


Ryan: He is still working a Weathercraft. He got a new company truck. Its white, so now all the vehicles in front of our home are white. Ryan's, been working on the siding and upstairs bedroom in his free time, which is a rarity with our little ones running around. Cancer stuff is still int eh clear. Hopefully in the next 18 months he will be completely done with it all! PTL!

Luke: My little school boy. He learns new fun things all the time, and (I'm a little biased) he remembers things SO well. He can still tell me what each of his and Adalei's birthdays were (minus his first), what he/she got, what he/she ate for their birthday and who was there. I will say that there are pictures there that might have triggered these memories, but none browsed through in a LONG time. I hope he keeps that capacity to remember things! Its all about letters and number for him right now. Some were a struggle, and in the process of working with Luke Adalei has picked up on a lot of it and actually can count better than her big brother.
Adalei: Speaking of Adalei, my little sweetie is getting so big, she and Luke wear the same size!!! She is just 2 inches shorter than Luke too. My little talker. Right now her brain is moving faster than her mouth can catch up and she has started to stutter a little, but what from what I have researched, she should grow out of it before she is 4, and not to worry about it until then. Adalei's biggest accomplishment is the potty! She is almost completely day potty trained for Mommy (won't go at all for Daddy), and stays dry 1/2 teh time during naps. She wants to be a big girl and "do it self." Adalei has her yearly heart check up right around the corner. I don't foresee any complications arising either. Adalei is a growing weed and her heart seems to beat strong with her!

I hope all my friends and family had a lovely holiday and I will try to share more frequently.

Love,
Cindy

Life Cyclical

I feel like this time in my life is repetitious. I am aware that I have added another child into the mix, but I feel like things are in a way deja vu to me right now.
I am creatively in tune, and trying to find outsources for it.
I feel the absolute need to lose weight and exercise, and by ends day haven't accomplished much into that.
I feel more need to share more thus blog more. Which is good for this page, because to be honest, about 2 months ago I was very tempted to just delete my blog. I was certain my lack of post had resulted in no readers anymore. I am glad to see I still have one reader. :)


Another cyclic event is the potty training of my Adalei. No go yet. She has been going pee-pee following our q 15 minute potty breaks. I am going to keep trying, but if she doesn't get it over this weekend I might give her some more time to figure out things before pressuring her. She know when she does go, she says "potty, yucky." just getting her there before an accident happens hasn't happened. Yet! Sigh.

The need for organization and cleanliness is pressuring me. I really want some motivation and ideas on how to organize things.

Lastly but not least, is my feelings of the need to show kindness and love to others, yet not smothering them. I think I miss having time with friends outside of work that I seen to bother those that I work with a little bit. I have a overwhelming need to be liked, that I am very paranoid at times that everyone hates me, and am way to sensitive, however, in trying to not be so sensitive I become unkind. Ugh. I need a happy medium!

Phew. That felt good! Cleaned and organized my brain a little at least. Alright nap time for my babies are in order, now I will work on cleaning and other fun things I need to tackle!!

Howdy

I bet I don't even have a sole reader out there anymore. Sorry I have taken a hiatus from blogging. Life and a slow Internet connection can do that to a girl.

So this is going to be very random and all over the place.

We are leaving for a trip to OR soon. Very excited for said trip. WE are driving there. Ryan and I and the kids. Happy about going there with them. Not so excited about the 3 days of traveling to get there. Plan on doing some rock climbing (beach climbing) if kids are able. Beach combing, sandcastle building and eating tons of seafood, and Marion berry anything. Also in our plans is to get wine and starfish that we couldn't bring back with us on our last trip. We plan on going to the Tillamook Cheese factory, and if I can get it arranged, the Portland Children's Museum, and maybe a zoo also. Have read online that both zoos I could find were not so great; so I am going to ask some locals for their opinion.

We LOVE Oregon.

Most likely we will scope out further info to build our dreams of moving there someday. This trip will prove if I can handle the mostly cloudy/rainy weather. The average high there is 45-50 degrees, and 40% chance of precip. Hopefully it will be relaxing, and memorable at least for Luke. He asks us everyday if "today we going to the ocean?"

Speaking of Luke, he is getting very tall. And very independent. And stubborn. Ha ha ha. He is full of life and is inquisitive about everything. Is all about the rules and order of things, unless it applies to him following such orders and rules.




Adalei is growing like a weed. She will soon weigh as much as her brother, and if Luke hadn't decided to sprout up in the last month, I think she would have been close to the same height. Adalei, is my happy, smiley, funny girl. Almost always has a smile for you and, offers lots of hugs and kisses. She is a snuggly girl. Loves her "baby," and "blanky." Talks up a storm. Everyday is a new word. We are introducing her to the potty. She seems interested, know what it is, but I am not sure if she understand the purpose, of except making funny faces while on it in which makes her mommy laugh hysterically.

Ryan is working hard on remodeling the upstairs bathroom. He just has the trim and fixtures to place.

Well, I don't think I have redeemed myself for me absence, but I am going to bring this post to a close. Have a beautiful day!

Randomness

Well, Adalei will be 1 in less than a month! Totally astounds me. Where has this time gone? She is a mover. Crawls everywhere, walks along all the furniture, and will stand briefly on her own. If she's not walking by her birthday, it wont be long!!!! She has four top and four bottom teeth. And is a biter. That girl! She is all smiles most of the time, but when her bro makes her mad or she is tired and hungry... Watch out! She wears size 18mo. clothes, but now that she is moving more she seems to fit into 12 months a little better again. I have to get her in for a well baby check up and shots... been kinda delaying those, she has had some though. She is just my sweet Adalei.

Got to get lots of pictures taken. I always wanted to be the take your kids to the pros to get pictures done. Never have done that yet, so.... Maybe I need to threaten my Hubby again. Because you know "that's why we bought the nice camera...." I can't hold down a 1 year old and then get the camera already... she'd move by then. I see Pros that take there kids pics with such ease. But they probably have the camera glued on them. I just don't want to waste these times and not be able to look back, because I didn't have the pictures to look upon.

Adalei's Birthday-- no real theme. Just purple, and stars probably. Worked on her invite today, only to have half of it erased. Grumble. Extended family for the big 1 party. It will most likely be an evening party so Papa and Aunt Tricia can make it. I'm deciding on whether to have the week before or two weekend after. The weekend before is my sweet niece Bella 2nd birthday, and the following weekend is busy.... I want to do something cute for her cake..... Maybe I will look at star shaped cake pans and make a layered star cake. Maybe a smaller version too for her?

Luke is a ornery red headed little boy. Always looking for something. He had swimming lessons this week. Day One: Cried. Day Two: Scared but went in the big pool and kicked his legs. Day Three: Stood all by himself for 2 seconds in the shallow end of the big pool. Not that he loved it but he did it. The next two lessons are Mon. and Tues. of next week. I hope that he continues to progress. I'm thinking of seeing if the babysitter will watch Adalei for awhile next week so I can take Luke to the pool. We were swimming fools this week. My nephew was here and went swimming three days in a row with us. Luke loved it! I did too! I had forgotten how much I miss swimming. I think Luke learned just as much from our swimming fun as he did at his lessons. Bryce got him to blow bubbles, and hold his breath in the water (a little bit), and (in the baby pool) lower himself down in the water to his chin. All things he wouldn't do prior to Tuesday! Next year I may see if Ryan would go swimming and make it worthwhile to get a family pass. Otherwise I guess the kids are free still, I could get an individual pass. I feel healthier and more playful after this week. I think I really needed that! I would go swimming everyday if time allowed!

Well that should do it for now, more randomness later! :)

Ramblings

Things are going well with work. I really enjoy my job and am learning quite a bit. And quite a bit about myself. I have doctor-phobias.... I really don't talk to them well because I let myself become intimidated by them. Well the Dr.s here are wonderful and open and friendly and that has allowed me to slowly get over this phobia, hopefully sooner than later. I am really trying to overcome my my fear of emergency too.... Hopefully one day my knees won't knock and I won't get flustered when we get emergencies. Seriously!

I will tell you that I am not adjusting to the day/night sleep thing. I am SUPER sleepy all the time, and lack any motivation to get anything done! I feel very neglectful of my home. Night 5 of the nights rotation during this month. Once, this month is over than I can go back to mostly days and only a few night shift. It will work out SO much better.

I do feel kind of isolated now. I really don't have much for friends..... Or any desire to leave my house to visit them. I rarely leave Arnold, so my N.P. friends/family that I only saw for events and work are neglected. I really want to fit in at work and have friends here, but I feel like maybe I am pushing too much. Sigh.

Oh yeah, my sis -in-law is preggers. I am beyond happy for them. Ryan told me that I am going to end up with baby fever by the time the new little one joins the Tullis clan, but I'm already there. However I get in a panic when the prospect of that actually happening is a possibility. And then once the "scare" is over, I am truly disappointed! Argh! I really want to wait until Adalei is 2 and/or potty trained. If it happens before, I will be very happy. If it doesn't.... Not concerned either. But let me clarify, we are NOT trying.

My sister is getting married next week, I am so happy! Not excited about my "heavyweight" body going into the bridesmaid dress, but exuberant for her and excited to celebrate the momentous occasion with her!!!

I am sorry this has been so long to get an update, but to tell you the truth the whole Adalei's Journey is sticking out like a sore thumb, and I really am lacking the memory on most of it. So If I finish it I do.. If I don't I'm sorry. Maybe it would just be easier to copy and paste my facebook statuses to this and them you can see all of it..... Hmmm? It would lack the emotion though.
One thing that I will say about that now, is that at my new job they have the soap we had to use before we could go back to see Adalei, every time I smell it it takes my right back there. Deep, DEEP emotions overwhelm me. I never experienced such nostalgia from smells like that before. I think of holding her for the first time after her surgery, breast pumping, remember the beeps of the machines, all the tubes. It swirls through my head in a millisecond, and I am briefly sad and then I rejoice, because my miracle baby survived all of it. Thanking God every time.

Have a wonderful day! God bless you all!

My sweet Adalei. 6 months

We are 3/4 done remodeling Lukes room. I am keeping busy getting his room done, sewing Adalei's crib bedding for her new room (Luke's old room), and just keeping up with the house chores and the kids!! In addition to these I am also starting a new job in April. It is 1/2 the distance and I am getting very excited, and also kind of nervous too. This will mean though that we picnh the pennies for a awhile. Its a pay deduction on my part, but hopefully it will be better for my family, I will be home sooner and different hours. We will see how well it all goes. my last day in N.P. is the 31st. I really don't want to talk about it too much right now, butI am going to be missing some friends. I know the 31st is going to be a hard day. Ugh.

Well I really need to stay focused if I plan to get the house clean, and finish the crib skirt by the end of today. I will at some point post more on the Adalei Journey, get that to the end of her hospital stay. My to-do list seems never ending anymore.

Adalei's journey Part 4

We landed in Denver at 1236 am on the 12th. And made about a 40 minute trek across Denver to get to Presbyterian/St. Lukes. I stood outside while they unloaded Adalei out of the ambulance, and stumbled along as they pointed things out to me on the way up to the NICU.

My contacts were beyond blurry. I couldn't see anything. They took me into the room where Adalei and about 6 other premature babies were temporarily calling home. It was a fairly large room and Adalei was in the far corner, but with all the equipment and such that where in there with her, there wasn't much room to even be near her. I felt like I was unwelcome there at first. Nobody said anything to me, barely acknowledged I was there except the glances casted toward me. I thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to be back there or something, but I was going to be whether they liked it or not! About 20 minutes later someone offered me a seat, and asked if I needed anything. I asked for a saline syringe and the bathroom. She kindly showed me the way back out the door, and to a old and, in desperate need of renovation, bathroom. I spruced up my contacts a little and headed back to the room.

When I returned I met the in house NICU doctor. I believe he introduced himself 3 times but I don't remember it now. He told me that the cardiologist would be arriving soon and that he is VERY good, and that my baby girl is in good hands. He also asked me several questions about when things started with Adalei deterioration, things I wasn't sure how to answer. They had Adalei all hooked up to the monitors there, and the numbers where not looking any better. Now that I am familiar with it all, I am sure the sats being lower had to do with the altitude, but at that time, I had a horrible feeling things were going south --fast.

Mom and Dad showed up soon after. I believe they showed up just as I was talking to the doctor, but I am not really positive. I told Mom what they said, and I think the Cardiologist showed up as I was talking to mom. The Dr. introduced himself and said that he was going to be a while, looking at all the things going on with my daughters heart. He preformed the ECHO himself. It took forever. I stood beside Mom, and then I think Mom went out and let Dad come back during that time. I think? We didn't get to close still, I think we stood about 10 feet away from her isolette. Then Adalei had a coughing spell or something, her numbers went all crazy and the nurse came over and adjusted stuff. The lights and alarms were going off, Adalei still looked like crap. The prostaglandins they gave her were taking effect and made her really splotchy red. Dad stepped out after Adalei's little fit, and I don't remember much, but Mom came back in and then it wasn't long then Ryan and Ed, and Chad were there. Soon Ryan was at my side again and Mom stepped out.

I was glad Ryan was there. I felt a relief. I was worried about him making it there safely, and then even just being there in time to hear all the answers to all the many questions we had. It seemed like minutes after everyone except Kim and Chris had shown up the Cardiologist had the diagnosis. We all stepped into a Conference room, and Dr. B drew a diagram for us. He explained the condition and the procedures that would be done to fix it and the follow up things afterward. Kim and Chris showed up sometime around now. He gave us the news we had hoped to hear. "She will come out of this and be a normal kid. She will play volleyball, and cheer lead. This is a fixable problem. " Oh thank you sweet Jesus! I was hopeful, but still scared. The plan was to do a Septostomy, the following day, and then get her to Childrens hospital the day before her open heart surgery to reverse her transposed vessels. If her conditioned warranted, they would do the septostomy in the morning/afternoon, and then 2 days later get her to Children's and that Friday do the surgery.

Open heart surgery on a 4 day old, wow, what a scary thing. I was astounded that they could do it.

After our meeting and question session was over, Everyone except the aunts and uncles took turns seeing Adalei. You see, in the P/SL NICU only parents and grandparents could visit the patients. With all the swine flu going around ,and the HIPPA restrictions, they were very cautious. Adalei was next to two very tiny babies, less than half her size. I prayed for healing for them also. I was amazed at how big they made Adalei look. The nurses stated that Adalei was one of their biggest babies to take care of.

We soon were feeling very fatigued. I think it was 3 or 4 in the morning our time? The hospital graciously found spare rooms for Ryan, myself, Chad and Ed to stay in. My folks and Kim and Chris went and found a hotel. I was completely zombied by now, the contacts were blurred over again. I was relieved to get them out. I decided then that I better go with out them for a few days. Once I changed my clothes and took some more pain medication I tried to lay down, but I couldn't stop crying, I felt horrible. Like it was my fault. I just couldn't stop. I was distraught. Ryan eventually came to my bedside and made me lay down, I don't remember trying to go to sleep, I think I cried myself to sleep. (I think I look back to this part of the day the most. The hopelessness I felt, and my strong supportive husband comforting me. His love and care for me, it really moved me when I thought back on this day. I love him so much!)

A new day for another day.... Stay Tuned.

Holiday fun!

Daddy and Luke getting ready to cut or Christmas tree (we ended up not using it though. It was only half a tree adn looked pretty sparce. We bought a live one. Which was a first for us, but it was pretty and I liked ecorating it much better, not so smelly and pokey. :)


Eating candy canes in the country on our christmas tree hunt. Singing Christmas songs and drinkng hot chocolate!! So much fun!



Adalei talking to us by the christmas tree.

Christmas cuties!

Adalei loves the bath! She's so cute! I thought maybe some of you might want to see how well her incision is healing too.

Quick Pic

Aren't these two simply adorable! I just love my Addie-bug's smile to her BIG brother!


Love you all!
Cindy

Adalei's Journey Part III

I'm sorry I haven't been to bloggy. Started back at work and it has been an adjustment to get myself in flow with the new routine. I am procrastinating on finishing my Journey posts because I don't know if I can remember all of it clearly. It's all a little foggy. But I will do my best.





We went to her isolette in the NICU. There she was with all the monitor watching over her. I looked up at the screen reading numbers, knowing where they should be and horrifically finding they were no where near that. Oxygen Sats in the 70s. Heart rate 110s. My heart plummeted. I tried to stay strong. I was confused. I tried to make myself understand it all. I felt guilty for not knowing why there was those crappy numbers and no interventions being done. She was lying there with an iv. There was a tiny oxygen mask nearby but not on her. I was puzzled. I looked to the nurses with tears in my eyes. They knew my question before I did.


"Her oxygen levels have to stay low so her natural patent ductus foramen will stay open, and won't naturally close. If she is well oxygenated it will close and there will be no oxygenated blood into her body, just her lungs."


70s-80 oxygen saturations... brain function. oxygen. The brain needs oxygen.


"Her brain function should not be affected."


Hmm. They read my thoughts. My questions must have been written on my face. Slightly relieved.


Her color, her little feet are dusky, I want to so bad comfort and hold her. I touch her and make her mad, and she startles. The nurse politely instructed me to not stroke but hold constant touch to her skin. I want to pick her up. I want to put her back in my belly and keep her healthy inside of me. I want to take back every minute of time that I spoke of wanting her to be born. Just make her better, what is wrong with her, will she live, will she die? God please let her live. Please heal my sweet sweet Adalei.


I go back to my room to find some sweet friends that had come to welcome little Adalei, and meet her 4 day old baby as well. I give little Anna a caress on the top of her head, thinking man I wish it was my baby, I wish I could be holding my healthy little girl. i head into my room and start to gather my belongings, I have a few short hours until the Air flight team would arrive. I had to compose myself. I stared at the wall, at my bed, became irritated with everything int eh room and came back to my worried stupor. I Packed and repacked. Stuff for me to go on the fligh,t stuff to be sent with Ryan to brig in the vehicle to come to Denver, and things that could be sent home.


My new night nurse comes in and gives me my dismissal papers, I take some Ibuprofen, and decided to breast pump for Adalei. It was the only thing I felt I had control of. I didn't get much and the nurse decided it was not enough to save and pitched it. I bawled. Even that was taken from me.


I felt so numb, Ryan felt so far away, I felt empty like I wasn't there. Numb. 8:30 came the flight was supposed to arrive around 900pm. I'm getting anxious and went into see my daughter again. I really don't remember much during this time, just watching her, then returning to my room and staring at all the faces in the room. Luke was getting tired and crabby, and I was frustrated with him, but I wanted him close. My healthy little boy. We discussed family plans, who was coming , and who was staying. Mom and Dad would go to Denver. Ryan Chad and ED would go together to Denver. Kim and Chris would go together to Denver. Holly, Tricia, Bryce, Bella, and Luke would come later.


900pm came and went. We went and talked to the nursing staff. The flight team couldn't leave Denver yet because of the weather. wait.wait. wait.


1000pm the flight team just arrived, now we had to wait and see if they thought I could ride along with Adalei or not. Again wait. Wait. Wait. I believe Mom left for Denver about this time, and was going to pick up Dad on the way there.


Signed the ambulance tranfer papers, signed air flight papers. Got the "okay" that I could ride along they believed and Ryan left, with his brother and dad to go to Denver and meet us at P/SL.


I thought we would be leaving very soon after, 1030 came then 1100. I went to see what was going on. They had to intubate Adalei, because she needed prostiglandins (which would help keep the patent ductus foramen open ) in which made her red all over, and more importantly could make her become apneic (stop breathing), thus, the breathing tube. The Air flight team did this, however my little fighter didn't tolerate the procedure and fought them through it. So it took longer.

They had her all ready to go, the family members that were staying behind peeked at Adalei as she was wheeled by.

We finally left the hospital at 1122 pm, on a very slow moving ambulance to a airport where this tiny jet was. They loaded my baby up and I climbed in. It was the fastest trip to Denver I've ever had or ever will have, but it felt like it took forever. I was ready to have answers, and a plan, and my baby.

The jet we rode in. Stay tuned..... Adalei wants me to stop blogging and feed her right now! :)

Adalei's Journey Part II

Grandparents holding Adalei. My father hasn't gotten the chance to hold her yet!!!

Soon very soon he will! :)

Our first complete family photo! We are so thrilled!

The morning after she was born. Medical student examining Adalei.

We enjoyed having people come a visit us that night and almost all the next day.

The night she was born Aunt Tricia and cousin Bryce visited.

Granma and Papa and Luke came to visit. And of course my sister and mother were there also. My sister took most of the photos and I now realize that I didn't get a picture of her holding Adalei snapped that night. Bummer! Hopefully my mom did though.

August 11th, 2009

In the morning, Adalei is continuing to do well. Eating great and acting completely normal. Due to her being over 9 pounds they had to check her sugars frequently, and at times she did drop, and I had to feed her formula to bring her glucose back to were it needed to be. I had fun dressing her up and putting her bow in her hair.

Aunt Brentney, cousin Gage, Aunt Kimmy and Chris came for a visit. Aunt Brentney loved holding her niece and they brought her a cute outifit and stuffed bunny.

We had lots of visitors from around the hospital. Tonda, Lisa, Sharon, Lisa K. Ruby. That's all I remember right now. I feel bad if I've forgotten, but the whirlwind that happened shortly after has left my brain void of all the memory. We had been taking a long nap. Adalei really wasn't terribly hungry that afternoon and was a sleepy girl (now I know that was lethargy from the lack of oxygen) . They came and took Adalei for her hearing test around 3:00. Ryan left to go to the lumber yard in Ogallala. Adalei's future babysitter came up for a visit as well as Granma Holly and Luke. Around 4:30, In what a seemed like an eternity, the nurse came in with her overseeing nurse (she was orienting) and they informed me that Adalei is having some oxygen problems, and that they were doing an ECHO and ABG's and other test on her to see what was wrong and that Dr. S would be in soon to tell us what was going on.

My heart stopped. I remained mostly calm, called Ryan and my voice cracked and he could tell that although I was calm he needed to turn around. Luckily he had only made it to the Hershey exit, so he could turn back around quickly.

Ryan came back and we called the family. We prayed that all would be okay, and that the answers would come quickly. A few people came in to visit during this time and I don't really remember who all was there, but I was nervous and scared. My mom and sisters arrived and my brother and sister in law and Bryce arrived too. Ryan was getting very anxious, still no update or answers and it had been an hour.

Around 7:00 pm Dr. S came in and hugged me. I knew it was bad. He asked how I was doing?

I replied, "well, that depends on what you have to tell me."

He sighs. (this is not good at all.)

The summarized version. Your baby was not oxygenating well. We did ABG'S and put her on oxygen and that didn't help. We did a chest x-ray and a ECHO and we see that something is wrong with her heart. I can't be sure what it is and so that's why we are going to fly your baby out.

I know he explained everything well,better than I have here. He also went into detail of the plans of what the night entailed. Asking if I was dismissed, (thank God, Dr. J let me go) and explaining where Adalei would be sent but not to leave to go there yet, until we knew I would be able to ride with her or not. He then informed us that we could go back into the NICU and see Adalei now too.

When he left the room and Started sobbing, and pleading to God out loud. Arms surrounded me. I felt so lost and confused. I wanted answers and I wanted my baby.

This is going on long enough for today. More another day. Stay tuned.

Adalei's Journey Part 1

Happy Mommy!

It is taking forever for the photos to upload and be positioned correctly so I am going to play the story out a little bit.

Monday August 10th 2009.

I had made a post this day. Wishing that "today would be the day." I had previously guessed it to be the day I would deliver Adalei. Throughout the day I had irregular contractions. Nothing majorly painful or consistent. I Bounced away on my birthing ball not really knowing what would happen. I talked to my mom and my mother -in-law informing them of the contractions, but not to expect anything. I definitely had a surge of energy that day. Looking back it was nesting. I talked to Ryan and my mothers throughout the day, still feeling about the same nothing to get excited about (Shucks!). All day I was consistently trying to get the lawn mower to run and get the lawn mowed. I was always unlucky and it never stayed running. My 4th and final attempt was about 430. I went inside and messed around on the computer and then straightened more things up around the house. I called Ryan to inform him of the mowers issues and he planned on fixing it after work. Throughout this time I was having stronger contractions while I was walking and such, but nothing that took my breath away. It slowed me down but never stopped me. Ryan got home around 600 and Luke woke up from his nap around then. Ryan changed clothes, visited to me a little about different plans for the night and off he went to to try to restart the mower. Around 630 I was changing Luke's diaper, and was reaching to grab him from "escaping" Mommy while I was putting his pants back on him and I felt a weird pop inside. It kind of sounded like a joint popping but not really and then a gush. "Oh my..."
"hurry Luke get your pants on." I was sitting on the living floor which is carpet. I fought with the pants to get them on the right way, and ran to the bathroom, more gushing with each movement.

Ryan came inside to get something, and I hollered from the bathroom "Ryan..."
He didn't hear. So I decided to get up and tell him and then get ready to go the the hospital. He was about to walk out the door and I told him. " You aren't going to be mowing the lawn..... we are going to be having the baby. My water just broke."

"oh, okay." he replies and then says, "well what do we need to be doing?" It was like boom he was making plans and getting things ready instantly. His folks were on their way back from Kearney and after the call was made they were planning on stopping in to get Luke. I Showered and got ready. Really not having any contractions in the shower, I was feeling so excited and happy. Once I got dressed, then wham they started. Strong and heavy. I called my mom and told her we were on our way to the hospital. She told me I should have just came to North Platte this morning, when I started the contractions. (Had I'd known I might have.) It was around 700 pm when we left the house, I started timing them and they were coming every 3 minutes on the dot. Ryan drove 10-15 mph over the speed limit and with the hazards on. I think he was glad to have an excuse to speed! :) I tried to call the doctor to let him know we were on our way. We were happy to hear that is was Dr. J again that was on call (he delivered Luke). They paged him to call me but we arrived at the hospital without ever hearing from him.

740 pm We sat in the ER for about 10-15 minutes waiting for the busy OB floor staff to come get me. All the while the ER secretary getting more fidgety and nervous, with each contraction, which were coming about every 2 minutes and more painful. I am still releasing the amniotic fluid, the whole time apologizing profusely for the wet chair I was leaving behind.

We got to the floor.

I got out of my clothes and into the gown. Hooked up to the monitor and checked. 5cm dilated. 100% effaced and still high -1. My mother and sister arrive on the scene and help through the journey.

Iv started and labs drawn. The OB floor is super busy and I am thankful to have a wonderful nurse getting me all situated while they were awaiting more help. The nurse informs me that she would go ahead and have the anesthesiologist come and see me after he was done with the patient he is currently with. I tell my nurse thanks and that I plan on holding off as much as I can. The labor pains were tolerable. As the nurse is finishing everything up and getting all necessary questions asked and items ready the CRNA shows up and by now (which was probably an hour but I am not definite.) I was ready to see him. The pains were getting bad and I requests everyone to not talk during contractions. The CRNA asked his slew of questions and I managed to not rip his head off while he talked and joked during my contractions. My mother kindly asked him to be quiet after I gave her one of those looks-- "will you kill this guy for me" looks. He laughed and continued on his merry way.

Then I was sitting up high on the side bed, being told to lean over my belly, and feeling like I was going to fall off the bed. My mother and sister supported more for comfort than actually holding me up, and the epidural was placed during a break from the contractions. I hate this time right here, it's awful feeling!

I had my epidural in place and had some weird back pain at first but it stopped soon after and then I was allowed to lay back down.

As soon as I laid down I had this incredible urge to go the bathroom. The nurse was shocked and I was not feeling any relief from the epidural. The nurse checked me I was complete and Adalei was coming down. She got more help in the room and got the Dr paged. I was having a lot of pain so the CRNA gave me more medicine and said that had he known I was going to go this fast he would have just done a spinal. The medicine was starting to work a little, I could feel everything, but it was muted. I was starting to feel urges to push. I was fighting off the urge by "blowing across the room" as instructed by the nurse. I am not sure how much time passed, but it felt like the Dr. J couldn't get there fast enough, they helped me to stay calm and assured me they would be there if Dr. J. didn't get there in time. The second he did get there I was finally allowed to push and this time it took more pushing, more and more. I thought to myself I can't feel where I'm pushing. So I spoke up and we adjusted the bed and me and then I felt much more in control of my pushing. So after (maybe 15 minutes of pushing) I could see her little head. Look at all that hair! We were surprised! 5 minutes later I had Adalei Rose on my tummy. Ryan got to cut the cord and my mother and sister were both there to share the joy.

I helped dry her off, and noticed her color wasn't to great, they decided to move her to the isolette for the cleaning and checks. Her apgar was 6/9. She was a big girl 9 pounds 1.7 ounces. 22 inches long. I can't believe how big she was either, but it also explained some of why it took a little longer to deliver her.

Over all I was super impressed at the way my labor and delivery went. Most of it at home, and fast at the hospital. I am happy with my pain tolerance too. The first go around I wasn't able to get past 4 cm w/o the epidural. I imagine I was 7 or better during this one.

Things were great that night as we welcomed our little bundle to the world. We loved introducing her to her family. More of those pictures later! Stay tuned!

Quick Update!

All is well here!! Adalei is off the arterial lines and has her JP drain out and the leads that were attached to her heart are gone. Now all she has to lose is a peripheral line, oxygen and her lead monitoring her heart, oxygen, BP. We are graduating today to the 9th floor which is cardiac progressive care unit. Yay! Big girl! We have heard rumors of her possibly being dismissed Wednesday, however that is still in air, nothing settled. I don't know if I like that too much. I really don't want her to go before EVERYTHING is okay. It was also mentioned that if were were dismissed we would stay at the Ronald McDonald House with her for a week, just as a precaution. That way we are close by, just in case.

She does have a right upper collapsed lung. Healing well on its own though. Doing CPT and breathing treatments.
She is getting captopril to keep her blood pressures down, and lasix to help her excrete excess fluid out of her body. They are also giving her tylenol around the clock for pain control, because "ouch" she had her chest cracked open and is tolerating it better than most adults would tolerate a sliver in our hand! AMAZING! God is healing and comforting her I am sure about that!

I have heard many times over the amount of people that have been praying for our little angel. I just want to give you all a huge hug and thank you for spending time with Christ on our behalf!! Truly humbling and eye opening for me!!!

I never thought I would get over Ryan's cancer. Phew! It was hard. And almost as a reward for making it through that he blessed us with a pregnancy 4 short months after chemo, which was not "supposed" to happen for at least 2-4 years!
And then this miracle child came into our world and although her first 4 days of life were tough, she is showing the awesome gifts God give us. She is a true angel and blessing to her Mommy and Daddy!!!
Well, I could go on and on, but I am missing my little girl, and am heading out to go see her!
God Bless you all!!!

God's Miracles

Adalei is doing so well!! She is off her breathing tube. and is doing spectacular. The doctors are all awestruck at the progress she is making!!! She is my Rock-star. So many hearts were reaching out to God to place His hands on her, and that He did. My angel is doing so well.
Last night we got to give her a little bird bath, and feed her an ounce of breastmilk, and held her, and moved her into a "big girl bed." We were able to remove 4 out of the 12 tubes in her body yesterday, with the hopes of 3 more to come out today!!! The nurses and doctors are so impressed with how Strong she is. And so are Mommy and Daddy. It is hard to believe that less than 36 hours ago her heart wasn't beating. They had it stopped. Now its pumping great. Her color looks awesome! She is starting to be able to cry (still hoarse but its audible now), I am so relieved and overjoyed at my baby's accomplishments.

I can't help but think how special she is to me and how I want EVERYTHING to be perfect for her now. I was just planning on leaving her little room yellow, but now I am going all out and going to paint it purple and make it totally special for her. Ryan has agreed to it!

Oh Ryan. I love the way he is with his baby girl. Adalei is a Daddy's girl that is for sure. He can soothe her right down. He washed her hair last night and she was so fussy, but Ryan found a spot on the top of her head and was cleaning it and Addie just calmed instantly, and even looked like she was smiling!
Speaking of which, she has the CUTEST dimples!!!! One right next to her mouth on the right side and on her cheek on the left!! I love them!!!!!

Praise GOD!


I will update again soon hopefully!!