Monday, May 25, 2009

Great Weekend and Note to My Friend


I had a wonderful weekend. Ryan and I headed down to Omaha. It was a very nice get-away for me and my hubby. Totally relaxing and fun. We went to the casino and I lost some and Ryan lost a bunch--and then recovered it! :) Ate at some fun place. We got some FUN shopping done. The best part-- I got to see Sarah, and meet little Jackson!!!

After meeting Jackson and buying some fun baby clothes, I am starting to feel that nesting thing coming on strong. I want to get the room ready, but I don't have a room to move Luke too yet. so it will all have to wait. But I am getting really excited.

I decided to post some pics of my specific clothes I have bought new for the baby. I still have quite a few used girl items that were given to me, and of course all of Luke's things for a boy. But I needed a few extras. Hee hee. It made me feel better. I actually have a nice selection of things.

I have quite an assortment of little girls things, and almost everything that I have ever bought was on clearance/sale. My mom bought that cute shirt and blue skort. Way too cute!

It obvious that I have a thing for fruity flavored clothes!! Hee hee

This has the cherries on the front (see above this one) and on the little bottom. Too cute!

Some big girl clothes, most of which I paid 1 dollar or less for. I Love the polka-dot shirt!!

We do have some boy clothes also, just not as many new ones. I have boxes of clothes to go through if this is a boy! Note: the cute pumpkin hat that I picked up for 25 cents. Great buy, I also got the cute girls white hat for the same price. Steal!

The bottom on this one is also adorable. I purchased a similar outfit for Jackson at toys-r-us, and then realized its a carters outfit too. So when I was at carters store the next day and saw this number I had to get it. It was on sale too. They had great Memorial Day sales; we got over 10 things and spent 40 bucks! I would really like to saw that my hubby was the one that found the pricier items that we purchased ;) I love Carters. Most of the outfits are carters whether I brought directly from there store or from department stores. I would just dress my child in Carters clothes if they had a store nearby!!!

This little number is the coming home/hospital picture outfit for my little girl. I have had this outfit since before Luke was born, in case he was a little girl. I absolutely adore it! It is two separate pieces but I had to have a sweater over it, because Luke was to be born in the early spring, and so yeah. The sweater. They are adorable pieces alone, or together. I took the liberty to show it off a little.

I love the purple in it. Way too cute!

Here is the same dress with little truck tracks on it. Big Brothers! I don't have a coming home outfit for if its a boy yet. Because I haven't found the perfect one yet. But trust me you will see it one way or another!

Daddy picked out this cute little vibrating chick for the baby. It is too adorable. It chirps too. I have been holding on my belly. The baby squirms after I play it. :)

Maybe I should include this next long bit into a post of its own, but oh well, they correlate, and you can take a break if your eyes are bugging out.

I was given the privilege to meet Jackson, one of my bestest friends ever, Sarah's new little guy. I meet him Saturday. Just slightly over 12 hours after he was born. Jackson is such a cutie pie. He was six weeks early and my is he a cutie. I was actually with Sarah when she held Jackson for the very first time. Sigh... I knew I was going to need my Kleenexes to write this all out. I can't stop crying. It was beautiful. (I know that holding Luke for the first time was beyond awesome.) I just felt this bond between Sarah and Jackson emit from them. It was magnetizing.

Being a nurse and studying about all aspects of life/medical/emotional needs. I thought I had the basics covered for what a NICU mother/baby bond would be like. I even knew what it was like to have a baby myself. However, nothing could prepare me for the whole tornado of emotions I went through just watching Sarah and Jackson. Not even brushing on the tip of the iceberg what Sarah must have been feeling.

Sarah had pre-eclampsia and needed to deliver him early. The emergency of taking Jackson to make sure he was well, would have been heart-wrenching. Seeing your baby for a few moments and not being able to see him for hours after would have been horrible. I can't imagine it. Not knowing what he is going through. Not being able to take that time to count each toe and finger, and see all the faces of your loved ones as he is shown to everyone. That would have been hard. Sarah was strong though, and knowing that your little one needs that extra care right then, would have been enough to allow him to leave your side. My heart leaps out for Sarah with that thought. I don't think I would have been that strong.

It was great to see Sarah, she was a glowing Mama. However, she was very tired too. I remember the day of and after Luke was born, not wanting to sleep for fear of missing something, and desperately needing rest. Then I was able to go with her and her Mama and sister to see Jackson.

I stood quietly outside Jackson's room, as the nurse and Sarah discussed the care and needs of little Jackson prior to Sarah finally holding him. I thought to myself, If I was in Sarah's shoes I would be blanking out by now. Wanting to have the nurse be done so I could hold my baby, but coming back to realize that this is necessary information on how I can help my little one the best.

Just knowing the all too fragile state Jackson was in/could potentially be in, scared me. I was afraid he would bust if we whispered too loud. But, you could obviously see how strong and healthy he was. This little dude did not require any oxygen needs. That rocks! He was still closely monitored by numerous cords and electrodes, and was receiving IV fluids. All the cords are so cumbersome. I deal with cords and tubes on the babes I care for on my floor, but this seemed so much more vital too me on Jackson. I stared in awe at the numbers and the little heart rhythm scrolling across the screen. I thought so many questions to myself. I can't even imagine all the questions Sarah would have had.

Sarah, had magnesium still infusing, and although I have never experienced it, I do know that many of its side effects are not fun at all. Sarah must have been feeling all this exhaustion from labor and lack of sleep, and overwhelming excitement that all mothers have. However, on top of that too-- weariness, pain and excessive heat brought on by the mag. She sat holding Jackson, in that wonderful soothing bliss all mothers know. Taking all of her little one in, as if she were breathing his spirit in. Familiarizing herself with every grasp, wiggle, and grunt he made. Seeing her soothe him when he was fussing was endearing. When Sarah leaned forward to kiss her little one, it was very surreal. She barely brushed him with her lips. I think that is when it really hit me the most. He is so little, and fragile. I couldn't know what Sarah was thinking then, but I know when Luke was born, it took me 2 weeks before I really felt comfortable to kiss him.

Was it the whole theory that nurses don't kiss babies/patients? I think that was part of it. There was part of me that also felt that he wasn't truly mine, I did not have the right to kiss him. He would be taken away from me, so I better not do too much or get too close. This also plays into the part of, what if I lose him? What if he were to die/or get really sick? I don't want to hurt him, or be too attached. Really odd thoughts, but that's how I felt with Luke, so maybe this is how Sarah felt kind of.

When I left that night, Sarah was back to her room and Jackson was in his own room all snuggly warm and ever so handsome. I thought to myself, I have been a witness to such a momentous thing here, and have thought about hardly anything else since then. I feel truly blessed to be a part of that moment.

Sarah, thank you. I hope this post means as much to you as the experience you gave me. I just wanted to give you a glimpse in to how thankful for that moment I was. I feel totally undeserving to have been a part of it. I will cherish it with all of my heart! I am so proud of you for dealing with all you did in your pregnancy, and doing all you could to allow Jackson more time to grow. You are an amazing Mama! Jackson is a lucky little Graham cracker! I can't wait to see him when he is a big strong boy, in which, I will be showering him with kisses!! Sorry Jackson, Auntie Cindy will be after you!

I will say that though Jackson is the cutest little bug around, and I am getting ants in my pants for my little bug to show up. I think I will be okay if he/she bakes for a few more months first!!

Oh and I think you all deserve a pic of my little man too... Thanks for joining me with this LONG post. :)

Happy Memorial Day!

1 comment:

Sarah Katherine said...

I can't stop crying as I read this. Some parts of that day are so fuzzy because of the mag and you have captured the wonderfully. I am printing it off and putting it in his scrapbook and keeping it forever. Thank you so much for capturing those moments for me with words that I could not. I love you Cindy!