Fruits of my Motivation

Little Seedlings!

Cosmos and Lavender

So Amazing!


My finished De-Cluttering project.
I had taken a before picture (3 months or more ago...) and now I can't find it!
I have the school stuff all in appropriate totes, and files for each days "school work" and accompanying theme related books set up too.

Luke is so super excited about school and the garden. I am "Mrs. Mommy" and today was our first day with our lesson. It lasted a whopping 35 minutes. But the kids enjoyed it. I hope they learn something too! We are learning about Cows this week. I am hoping this week I can ask Holly and Ed if the kids can see one of their new calves (if the mama agrees).

In other news, I am down 39 pounds. I have been fighting the scale all week to get to 40. I WILL get there! We dropped to 3rd on the pound plunge. Ryan made up a table of our and the top 6 teams progress and average percentage weight loss and our goals we need to try to meet to get to 1st. It is going to be TOUGH! Speaking of which, I better get off of the computer and get to exercising.

Hope you enjoyed our little flower pictures as much as Luke and I do enjoy seeing them grow daily! Soon we will be in the garden!

Happy Spring!

Cindy

Foodie.... Not Fattie!

Crunchy Granola

(not as healthy as I would like it to be)

Yummy Layered Jell-O

I Love Pintrest! I have found so many yummy foods to try. Neat hair do ideas, ideas for Luke's Mickey Mouse themed birthday party. And AWESOME craft ideas. If any of you want an invite leave your email addy and I'll invite you! And you can join me on this craze.

As you may have noticed on my little blinkie on the side I have reached my 20 lbs mark, and going strong. I am constantly looking for more inspirations and routines to try. Started to include a "Fab Ab February" Routine to my workout. I really doubt I will get FAB abs in just a month... Well I might, but it's well hidden under layers and layers of fat. So I will continue to do them and hope my pants and shirts fit a little looser. Planks really are killer. They look simple enough, but if you do them correctly.... Wow! Burn baby burn!

Adalei's finger is doing great. Still doing the bandage changes daily. Today she is a little mopey but snuggly. It is a cold snowy day, makes me extra snuggly too. So I don't mind.

Well 5-14 inches of snow expected here. Only about 2 inches maybe here so far. So I hope tomorrows drive to work goes okay. Safe travels and stay warm!

Cindy

Just a pinch will do.

This week has been very eventful. Well, maybe only Monday, but stressful at that. I worked at the Clinic on Monday. I was told I had a phone call on line one... the babysitters voice on the other end with crying in the background, told be something was array. "We have a little emergency." What??? Oh no! Well it turns out Adalei got her finger pinched in the hinge/crack of a drop down table leaf that was raised quickly. However, it wasn't just a pinch. It pinched the tip of her left index finger right off. Yup. You read right. Off. The babysitter was taking her to the Arnold clinic, and I take off to go meet up with them. Well several calls and minutes later, they decided she needs an x-ray and is en route to Callaway. I meet up with them on the road. At first I can't see Adalei in he car and the babysitter holds up a bio hazard/specimen bag with a wad of gauze inside... part of her finger. Talk about freak out mode. A few shuddering breaths, and the babysitters consoling of it not being as serious as it appears, and I compose myself. I walk to the babysitters car and there sits my baby, tear stained cheeks but calm and quiet. Her little hand bandaged all up. She says to me, "I got an owwie." I pick her up and get her all settled in my car and off we go to Callaway. Called Daddy to meet up with us when we got there. Once there they take her right back to x-ray. We removed the bandage and I about lost it. My baby's finger is all cut up! As soon as Adalei noticed I was upset she became upset, so I played it cool. Adalei hated to see it all "blah-bloody" too. But she listened well and held her arm still. Then we coveredit back up and the the whimpers quieted again.

The X-ray.

Thank the Heavenly Father the bone was not broken. However, the tissue that got pinched off could not be reattached and she probably will have a deformity in that finger, but it didn't get all of her nail, so that should grow back too. The team at the Hospital was great. I appreciate all they do! So now, she is on antibiotics and daily dressing changes. Ugh.. Which I hate. I hate being a nurse on my baby. But she does really good. She has a purple band-aid on that finger and gets lots of TLC.

Snuggling with Mommie.

Her band-aid finger peeking out of the blankie.

On to other news:
Just got her heart check up final results, everything is fine. Follow up in a year. Good!



Weight loss is slllllloooooowwwwing down. WAY down. But as long as it is going down I can live with it!! 18 lbs so far. I know I am getting more muscle too. I am able to do more push-ups and crunches. Starting to see more definition in my arms and maybe, maybe a slight line to show me where my abs are supposed to be.


I am hoping to have a fun day at my sisters and mom and dads tonight. So I hope you all have a great day!




Cindy

No pain, no Gain.... Or Loss

Luke working on a puzzle!

Its a 100 piece puzzle he got for Christmas. He was SO happy to get it all put together. It entertained him for hours.

I hurt yesterday, so I didn't give it my all yesterday.... Which also meant only 3 ounces lost yesterday... Sigh. So I must work harder today. Counting calories SUCK. I have read so many different calorie limits I should try to stay under, and I am positively lost. So I'm going to try one for this week. If it doesn't work, I'll shoot for the other one. It that one doesn't work I will go somewhere in between.

Ryan and I both are doing the pound plunge. We have a lot to lose to win but we are working hard... Both of us have lost.



In other news Adalei is potty trained except nap/bedtime. I'm so proud of my big girl!

Have a great day.

Cindy

Oregon Pics

Just some pics of our trip to Oregon a few months ago. Enjoy. The view from outside our suite. Breathtaking isn't it? Our favorite spot to go when we visit. Cape Perpetua. One of the first spots we could see the ocean. So we stopped for a photo op and then a few miles later a nature walk. It was great! Ryan took this photo. Such amazing beauty God created for us to enjoy. Have a great day! :) Cindy

My sweet Adalei. 6 months

We are 3/4 done remodeling Lukes room. I am keeping busy getting his room done, sewing Adalei's crib bedding for her new room (Luke's old room), and just keeping up with the house chores and the kids!! In addition to these I am also starting a new job in April. It is 1/2 the distance and I am getting very excited, and also kind of nervous too. This will mean though that we picnh the pennies for a awhile. Its a pay deduction on my part, but hopefully it will be better for my family, I will be home sooner and different hours. We will see how well it all goes. my last day in N.P. is the 31st. I really don't want to talk about it too much right now, butI am going to be missing some friends. I know the 31st is going to be a hard day. Ugh.

Well I really need to stay focused if I plan to get the house clean, and finish the crib skirt by the end of today. I will at some point post more on the Adalei Journey, get that to the end of her hospital stay. My to-do list seems never ending anymore.

Holiday fun!

Daddy and Luke getting ready to cut or Christmas tree (we ended up not using it though. It was only half a tree adn looked pretty sparce. We bought a live one. Which was a first for us, but it was pretty and I liked ecorating it much better, not so smelly and pokey. :)


Eating candy canes in the country on our christmas tree hunt. Singing Christmas songs and drinkng hot chocolate!! So much fun!



Adalei talking to us by the christmas tree.

Christmas cuties!

Adalei loves the bath! She's so cute! I thought maybe some of you might want to see how well her incision is healing too.

Quick Pic

Aren't these two simply adorable! I just love my Addie-bug's smile to her BIG brother!


Love you all!
Cindy

Adalei's Journey Part II

Grandparents holding Adalei. My father hasn't gotten the chance to hold her yet!!!

Soon very soon he will! :)

Our first complete family photo! We are so thrilled!

The morning after she was born. Medical student examining Adalei.

We enjoyed having people come a visit us that night and almost all the next day.

The night she was born Aunt Tricia and cousin Bryce visited.

Granma and Papa and Luke came to visit. And of course my sister and mother were there also. My sister took most of the photos and I now realize that I didn't get a picture of her holding Adalei snapped that night. Bummer! Hopefully my mom did though.

August 11th, 2009

In the morning, Adalei is continuing to do well. Eating great and acting completely normal. Due to her being over 9 pounds they had to check her sugars frequently, and at times she did drop, and I had to feed her formula to bring her glucose back to were it needed to be. I had fun dressing her up and putting her bow in her hair.

Aunt Brentney, cousin Gage, Aunt Kimmy and Chris came for a visit. Aunt Brentney loved holding her niece and they brought her a cute outifit and stuffed bunny.

We had lots of visitors from around the hospital. Tonda, Lisa, Sharon, Lisa K. Ruby. That's all I remember right now. I feel bad if I've forgotten, but the whirlwind that happened shortly after has left my brain void of all the memory. We had been taking a long nap. Adalei really wasn't terribly hungry that afternoon and was a sleepy girl (now I know that was lethargy from the lack of oxygen) . They came and took Adalei for her hearing test around 3:00. Ryan left to go to the lumber yard in Ogallala. Adalei's future babysitter came up for a visit as well as Granma Holly and Luke. Around 4:30, In what a seemed like an eternity, the nurse came in with her overseeing nurse (she was orienting) and they informed me that Adalei is having some oxygen problems, and that they were doing an ECHO and ABG's and other test on her to see what was wrong and that Dr. S would be in soon to tell us what was going on.

My heart stopped. I remained mostly calm, called Ryan and my voice cracked and he could tell that although I was calm he needed to turn around. Luckily he had only made it to the Hershey exit, so he could turn back around quickly.

Ryan came back and we called the family. We prayed that all would be okay, and that the answers would come quickly. A few people came in to visit during this time and I don't really remember who all was there, but I was nervous and scared. My mom and sisters arrived and my brother and sister in law and Bryce arrived too. Ryan was getting very anxious, still no update or answers and it had been an hour.

Around 7:00 pm Dr. S came in and hugged me. I knew it was bad. He asked how I was doing?

I replied, "well, that depends on what you have to tell me."

He sighs. (this is not good at all.)

The summarized version. Your baby was not oxygenating well. We did ABG'S and put her on oxygen and that didn't help. We did a chest x-ray and a ECHO and we see that something is wrong with her heart. I can't be sure what it is and so that's why we are going to fly your baby out.

I know he explained everything well,better than I have here. He also went into detail of the plans of what the night entailed. Asking if I was dismissed, (thank God, Dr. J let me go) and explaining where Adalei would be sent but not to leave to go there yet, until we knew I would be able to ride with her or not. He then informed us that we could go back into the NICU and see Adalei now too.

When he left the room and Started sobbing, and pleading to God out loud. Arms surrounded me. I felt so lost and confused. I wanted answers and I wanted my baby.

This is going on long enough for today. More another day. Stay tuned.

Adalei's Journey Part 1

Happy Mommy!

It is taking forever for the photos to upload and be positioned correctly so I am going to play the story out a little bit.

Monday August 10th 2009.

I had made a post this day. Wishing that "today would be the day." I had previously guessed it to be the day I would deliver Adalei. Throughout the day I had irregular contractions. Nothing majorly painful or consistent. I Bounced away on my birthing ball not really knowing what would happen. I talked to my mom and my mother -in-law informing them of the contractions, but not to expect anything. I definitely had a surge of energy that day. Looking back it was nesting. I talked to Ryan and my mothers throughout the day, still feeling about the same nothing to get excited about (Shucks!). All day I was consistently trying to get the lawn mower to run and get the lawn mowed. I was always unlucky and it never stayed running. My 4th and final attempt was about 430. I went inside and messed around on the computer and then straightened more things up around the house. I called Ryan to inform him of the mowers issues and he planned on fixing it after work. Throughout this time I was having stronger contractions while I was walking and such, but nothing that took my breath away. It slowed me down but never stopped me. Ryan got home around 600 and Luke woke up from his nap around then. Ryan changed clothes, visited to me a little about different plans for the night and off he went to to try to restart the mower. Around 630 I was changing Luke's diaper, and was reaching to grab him from "escaping" Mommy while I was putting his pants back on him and I felt a weird pop inside. It kind of sounded like a joint popping but not really and then a gush. "Oh my..."
"hurry Luke get your pants on." I was sitting on the living floor which is carpet. I fought with the pants to get them on the right way, and ran to the bathroom, more gushing with each movement.

Ryan came inside to get something, and I hollered from the bathroom "Ryan..."
He didn't hear. So I decided to get up and tell him and then get ready to go the the hospital. He was about to walk out the door and I told him. " You aren't going to be mowing the lawn..... we are going to be having the baby. My water just broke."

"oh, okay." he replies and then says, "well what do we need to be doing?" It was like boom he was making plans and getting things ready instantly. His folks were on their way back from Kearney and after the call was made they were planning on stopping in to get Luke. I Showered and got ready. Really not having any contractions in the shower, I was feeling so excited and happy. Once I got dressed, then wham they started. Strong and heavy. I called my mom and told her we were on our way to the hospital. She told me I should have just came to North Platte this morning, when I started the contractions. (Had I'd known I might have.) It was around 700 pm when we left the house, I started timing them and they were coming every 3 minutes on the dot. Ryan drove 10-15 mph over the speed limit and with the hazards on. I think he was glad to have an excuse to speed! :) I tried to call the doctor to let him know we were on our way. We were happy to hear that is was Dr. J again that was on call (he delivered Luke). They paged him to call me but we arrived at the hospital without ever hearing from him.

740 pm We sat in the ER for about 10-15 minutes waiting for the busy OB floor staff to come get me. All the while the ER secretary getting more fidgety and nervous, with each contraction, which were coming about every 2 minutes and more painful. I am still releasing the amniotic fluid, the whole time apologizing profusely for the wet chair I was leaving behind.

We got to the floor.

I got out of my clothes and into the gown. Hooked up to the monitor and checked. 5cm dilated. 100% effaced and still high -1. My mother and sister arrive on the scene and help through the journey.

Iv started and labs drawn. The OB floor is super busy and I am thankful to have a wonderful nurse getting me all situated while they were awaiting more help. The nurse informs me that she would go ahead and have the anesthesiologist come and see me after he was done with the patient he is currently with. I tell my nurse thanks and that I plan on holding off as much as I can. The labor pains were tolerable. As the nurse is finishing everything up and getting all necessary questions asked and items ready the CRNA shows up and by now (which was probably an hour but I am not definite.) I was ready to see him. The pains were getting bad and I requests everyone to not talk during contractions. The CRNA asked his slew of questions and I managed to not rip his head off while he talked and joked during my contractions. My mother kindly asked him to be quiet after I gave her one of those looks-- "will you kill this guy for me" looks. He laughed and continued on his merry way.

Then I was sitting up high on the side bed, being told to lean over my belly, and feeling like I was going to fall off the bed. My mother and sister supported more for comfort than actually holding me up, and the epidural was placed during a break from the contractions. I hate this time right here, it's awful feeling!

I had my epidural in place and had some weird back pain at first but it stopped soon after and then I was allowed to lay back down.

As soon as I laid down I had this incredible urge to go the bathroom. The nurse was shocked and I was not feeling any relief from the epidural. The nurse checked me I was complete and Adalei was coming down. She got more help in the room and got the Dr paged. I was having a lot of pain so the CRNA gave me more medicine and said that had he known I was going to go this fast he would have just done a spinal. The medicine was starting to work a little, I could feel everything, but it was muted. I was starting to feel urges to push. I was fighting off the urge by "blowing across the room" as instructed by the nurse. I am not sure how much time passed, but it felt like the Dr. J couldn't get there fast enough, they helped me to stay calm and assured me they would be there if Dr. J. didn't get there in time. The second he did get there I was finally allowed to push and this time it took more pushing, more and more. I thought to myself I can't feel where I'm pushing. So I spoke up and we adjusted the bed and me and then I felt much more in control of my pushing. So after (maybe 15 minutes of pushing) I could see her little head. Look at all that hair! We were surprised! 5 minutes later I had Adalei Rose on my tummy. Ryan got to cut the cord and my mother and sister were both there to share the joy.

I helped dry her off, and noticed her color wasn't to great, they decided to move her to the isolette for the cleaning and checks. Her apgar was 6/9. She was a big girl 9 pounds 1.7 ounces. 22 inches long. I can't believe how big she was either, but it also explained some of why it took a little longer to deliver her.

Over all I was super impressed at the way my labor and delivery went. Most of it at home, and fast at the hospital. I am happy with my pain tolerance too. The first go around I wasn't able to get past 4 cm w/o the epidural. I imagine I was 7 or better during this one.

Things were great that night as we welcomed our little bundle to the world. We loved introducing her to her family. More of those pictures later! Stay tuned!

Busy Time

Luke at the 4th of July parade.

Dorky smile, but a happy Mommy!

New hair do.

My hair actually had more body than this yesterday, I should have had Ryan wake up to take a better picture then... J/K!

We got a new entertainment stand for our living room. I am so excited! It was a great deal, originally 200 dollars. We got it for 80!!! Ryan put it all together yesterday and now I have to figure out how I want the room rearranged and he will set it in place tonight. Yippey!

Luke and I have official business to attend to this morning then its off to N.P. for appointments. Luke is going to hang out at my sisters house with "Timmy, Gage and Bit-ney" (as Luke calls them) while I go to my heart appointment and my OB appointment.

I will let you know that I feel that maybe Addelei has dropped. (Side note we are still figuring out how to spell her name. I think I am leaning with it spelled with the e in the middle not the a, less likely to take the name literally that way.) She is no longer riding up in my ribs, I can breathe easier, and I feel her in my pelvis much more. But maybe I am incorrect. I will ask the nurse practitioner that I am seeing today if she can tell. I can feel Addie's head in my pelvic region. I am also experiencing the "menstrual ache," for me it feels like its a heavy bloated ache in my pelvic region. Also my lower back is really aching off and on. So I will run these past her too. I have my strep swab today also. Oh joy. Well I need to get off of here so I can get my "business" done!

Have a Wonderful Day!

Water fun

Happy time in the water!

My what big tracks those are!

Bubble fun!

Baby bump!

I am home sick today. Had a stomach ache all throughout the night. Cramps, contractions, back ache, no sleep, nausea. I got 2 hours in. I would have been very unproductive at work today. Still feel queasy and have heartburn. But no more scary stomach cramps with contractions. Just going watch some t.v. with Luke and pray that he is ready for a nap early today. I need some sleep! Getting me ready for my sleepless nights I suppose? Wow.

I had to share the pictures with you though. They make me smile! Well, more later.

Baby Update and a little extra

Theses are pics we took of Luke last night; the Schwan's man always gives Luke a page of stickers and it's quite obvious what he proceeds to do with them. He is always precisely putting them on and then taking them back off and placing nicely on the paper they came from. Such a neat little guy I have!! ha ha.

We went the North Platte yesterday to see my sisters and nephew. We did some crafts and the boys got paint on them and their projects. I should have snapped a pic of Luke's puppy he painted. He was very detailed with everything.

I suppose its that time of the week again I better update you all on little Addi!

How far along: 30 weeks today! I am officially 3/4 the way done! Woohoo!

Mommy's weight gain: 17 pounds as of yesterday. Trying to be good. Once again, am loving fruit right now so it make it much easier.

Baby's size: The still say 3 pounds however, she is 15.5 inches long now. The reason for that is that they say the energy is being used to form the brain better right now. I have been feeling so much more movement this last week, its awesome!

Cravings: Fruit and red meat. Steaks and hamburgers sound so good!

Labor signs: Well I won't go into detail, but something feels different down under and when I go see the doc next week I am going to discuss it. I have been feeling pretty good for the most part. A little dizzy today, but over all no recurrent BH or anything.

Maternity clothes: Wearing sleepy clothes most of the time and Ryan's T-shirts. I need to get out and buy a few more nursing bras, but I will have to wait until i know if that road will be a traveled one or not...

Sleep: My arms are starting to fall asleep at night. Its aggravating. However, the bathroom frequency has lightened a smidgen.

Milestone: I guess feeling the baby move so much. Other people are starting to be able to see the movements now too. Which is fun.

Luke and I are on the heavy bathroom patrol. He has gone twice really well. I hope he keeps it up. He had a meltdown once though. I hate those, it makes me feel like I am pushing him to do this before he is ready. Well I really need to get some things done around here. Have a great day everyone!

Great Weekend and Note to My Friend

Hello,

I had a wonderful weekend. Ryan and I headed down to Omaha. It was a very nice get-away for me and my hubby. Totally relaxing and fun. We went to the casino and I lost some and Ryan lost a bunch--and then recovered it! :) Ate at some fun place. We got some FUN shopping done. The best part-- I got to see Sarah, and meet little Jackson!!!

After meeting Jackson and buying some fun baby clothes, I am starting to feel that nesting thing coming on strong. I want to get the room ready, but I don't have a room to move Luke too yet. so it will all have to wait. But I am getting really excited.

I decided to post some pics of my specific clothes I have bought new for the baby. I still have quite a few used girl items that were given to me, and of course all of Luke's things for a boy. But I needed a few extras. Hee hee. It made me feel better. I actually have a nice selection of things.

I have quite an assortment of little girls things, and almost everything that I have ever bought was on clearance/sale. My mom bought that cute shirt and blue skort. Way too cute!





It obvious that I have a thing for fruity flavored clothes!! Hee hee

This has the cherries on the front (see above this one) and on the little bottom. Too cute!



Some big girl clothes, most of which I paid 1 dollar or less for. I Love the polka-dot shirt!!

We do have some boy clothes also, just not as many new ones. I have boxes of clothes to go through if this is a boy! Note: the cute pumpkin hat that I picked up for 25 cents. Great buy, I also got the cute girls white hat for the same price. Steal!



The bottom on this one is also adorable. I purchased a similar outfit for Jackson at toys-r-us, and then realized its a carters outfit too. So when I was at carters store the next day and saw this number I had to get it. It was on sale too. They had great Memorial Day sales; we got over 10 things and spent 40 bucks! I would really like to saw that my hubby was the one that found the pricier items that we purchased ;) I love Carters. Most of the outfits are carters whether I brought directly from there store or from department stores. I would just dress my child in Carters clothes if they had a store nearby!!!

This little number is the coming home/hospital picture outfit for my little girl. I have had this outfit since before Luke was born, in case he was a little girl. I absolutely adore it! It is two separate pieces but I had to have a sweater over it, because Luke was to be born in the early spring, and so yeah. The sweater. They are adorable pieces alone, or together. I took the liberty to show it off a little.


I love the purple in it. Way too cute!



Here is the same dress with little truck tracks on it. Big Brothers! I don't have a coming home outfit for if its a boy yet. Because I haven't found the perfect one yet. But trust me you will see it one way or another!


Daddy picked out this cute little vibrating chick for the baby. It is too adorable. It chirps too. I have been holding on my belly. The baby squirms after I play it. :)

Maybe I should include this next long bit into a post of its own, but oh well, they correlate, and you can take a break if your eyes are bugging out.

I was given the privilege to meet Jackson, one of my bestest friends ever, Sarah's new little guy. I meet him Saturday. Just slightly over 12 hours after he was born. Jackson is such a cutie pie. He was six weeks early and my is he a cutie. I was actually with Sarah when she held Jackson for the very first time. Sigh... I knew I was going to need my Kleenexes to write this all out. I can't stop crying. It was beautiful. (I know that holding Luke for the first time was beyond awesome.) I just felt this bond between Sarah and Jackson emit from them. It was magnetizing.

Being a nurse and studying about all aspects of life/medical/emotional needs. I thought I had the basics covered for what a NICU mother/baby bond would be like. I even knew what it was like to have a baby myself. However, nothing could prepare me for the whole tornado of emotions I went through just watching Sarah and Jackson. Not even brushing on the tip of the iceberg what Sarah must have been feeling.

Sarah had pre-eclampsia and needed to deliver him early. The emergency of taking Jackson to make sure he was well, would have been heart-wrenching. Seeing your baby for a few moments and not being able to see him for hours after would have been horrible. I can't imagine it. Not knowing what he is going through. Not being able to take that time to count each toe and finger, and see all the faces of your loved ones as he is shown to everyone. That would have been hard. Sarah was strong though, and knowing that your little one needs that extra care right then, would have been enough to allow him to leave your side. My heart leaps out for Sarah with that thought. I don't think I would have been that strong.

It was great to see Sarah, she was a glowing Mama. However, she was very tired too. I remember the day of and after Luke was born, not wanting to sleep for fear of missing something, and desperately needing rest. Then I was able to go with her and her Mama and sister to see Jackson.

I stood quietly outside Jackson's room, as the nurse and Sarah discussed the care and needs of little Jackson prior to Sarah finally holding him. I thought to myself, If I was in Sarah's shoes I would be blanking out by now. Wanting to have the nurse be done so I could hold my baby, but coming back to realize that this is necessary information on how I can help my little one the best.

Just knowing the all too fragile state Jackson was in/could potentially be in, scared me. I was afraid he would bust if we whispered too loud. But, you could obviously see how strong and healthy he was. This little dude did not require any oxygen needs. That rocks! He was still closely monitored by numerous cords and electrodes, and was receiving IV fluids. All the cords are so cumbersome. I deal with cords and tubes on the babes I care for on my floor, but this seemed so much more vital too me on Jackson. I stared in awe at the numbers and the little heart rhythm scrolling across the screen. I thought so many questions to myself. I can't even imagine all the questions Sarah would have had.

Sarah, had magnesium still infusing, and although I have never experienced it, I do know that many of its side effects are not fun at all. Sarah must have been feeling all this exhaustion from labor and lack of sleep, and overwhelming excitement that all mothers have. However, on top of that too-- weariness, pain and excessive heat brought on by the mag. She sat holding Jackson, in that wonderful soothing bliss all mothers know. Taking all of her little one in, as if she were breathing his spirit in. Familiarizing herself with every grasp, wiggle, and grunt he made. Seeing her soothe him when he was fussing was endearing. When Sarah leaned forward to kiss her little one, it was very surreal. She barely brushed him with her lips. I think that is when it really hit me the most. He is so little, and fragile. I couldn't know what Sarah was thinking then, but I know when Luke was born, it took me 2 weeks before I really felt comfortable to kiss him.

Was it the whole theory that nurses don't kiss babies/patients? I think that was part of it. There was part of me that also felt that he wasn't truly mine, I did not have the right to kiss him. He would be taken away from me, so I better not do too much or get too close. This also plays into the part of, what if I lose him? What if he were to die/or get really sick? I don't want to hurt him, or be too attached. Really odd thoughts, but that's how I felt with Luke, so maybe this is how Sarah felt kind of.

When I left that night, Sarah was back to her room and Jackson was in his own room all snuggly warm and ever so handsome. I thought to myself, I have been a witness to such a momentous thing here, and have thought about hardly anything else since then. I feel truly blessed to be a part of that moment.

Sarah, thank you. I hope this post means as much to you as the experience you gave me. I just wanted to give you a glimpse in to how thankful for that moment I was. I feel totally undeserving to have been a part of it. I will cherish it with all of my heart! I am so proud of you for dealing with all you did in your pregnancy, and doing all you could to allow Jackson more time to grow. You are an amazing Mama! Jackson is a lucky little Graham cracker! I can't wait to see him when he is a big strong boy, in which, I will be showering him with kisses!! Sorry Jackson, Auntie Cindy will be after you!

I will say that though Jackson is the cutest little bug around, and I am getting ants in my pants for my little bug to show up. I think I will be okay if he/she bakes for a few more months first!!

Oh and I think you all deserve a pic of my little man too... Thanks for joining me with this LONG post. :)

Happy Memorial Day!