Pretty much me trying to stay awake

I don't have much to share. Adalei's birthday party was a blast, I'm not going to promise it but maybe I'll try to post some pics.

Loving work right now.

Reading a lot right now. Mostly christian historical fictions. Comfort reads. I joined into a Beth Moore Bible study over the book of Daniel. Just gone to the first meeting/study. And well as of right now I'm hooked! Its wonderful. I can't wait for the next meeting so I can delve in deeper into my knowledge.

Later today I am going to go to the park with the kids and try to take some amateur nice photos of my kids. We will see... (maybe I'll post some of those too.)

I have to get my rear in gear for the next meeting of the Rialto theater board. I have to get several coupon books ready for sale. I still have to design the concession ones. Hopefully that won't be too time consuming. I then need to start looking into plays that I want to use for the Christmas play I will be directing. This winter will be busy I believe.

I really want to focus on being more healthy and eating right. I am trying to stay more active with the kids this summer. Its working well, but I haven't lost weight like I thought. I need to get more focused. The clothes are starting to get tight again. I can't go up anymore. I already am at the point to where I once said someone please help me if I get that big. Vowing that I wouldn't let myself get to that point. Yep, so I finally admit it. I'm there. I'm hideous, and don't feel attractive anymore. I just need to duct tape my mouth shut. Argh. Okay no more of this talk. I wanted to remain positive.

Big dreams are growing. We are hoping to move to Oregon someday. It used to be when we retire, but now, we are thinking sooner than later. No definite plans, just dreams, and goals.

There that's better. *thinking of the ocean breeze hitting my face*

Have a great day!

Randomness

Well, Adalei will be 1 in less than a month! Totally astounds me. Where has this time gone? She is a mover. Crawls everywhere, walks along all the furniture, and will stand briefly on her own. If she's not walking by her birthday, it wont be long!!!! She has four top and four bottom teeth. And is a biter. That girl! She is all smiles most of the time, but when her bro makes her mad or she is tired and hungry... Watch out! She wears size 18mo. clothes, but now that she is moving more she seems to fit into 12 months a little better again. I have to get her in for a well baby check up and shots... been kinda delaying those, she has had some though. She is just my sweet Adalei.

Got to get lots of pictures taken. I always wanted to be the take your kids to the pros to get pictures done. Never have done that yet, so.... Maybe I need to threaten my Hubby again. Because you know "that's why we bought the nice camera...." I can't hold down a 1 year old and then get the camera already... she'd move by then. I see Pros that take there kids pics with such ease. But they probably have the camera glued on them. I just don't want to waste these times and not be able to look back, because I didn't have the pictures to look upon.

Adalei's Birthday-- no real theme. Just purple, and stars probably. Worked on her invite today, only to have half of it erased. Grumble. Extended family for the big 1 party. It will most likely be an evening party so Papa and Aunt Tricia can make it. I'm deciding on whether to have the week before or two weekend after. The weekend before is my sweet niece Bella 2nd birthday, and the following weekend is busy.... I want to do something cute for her cake..... Maybe I will look at star shaped cake pans and make a layered star cake. Maybe a smaller version too for her?

Luke is a ornery red headed little boy. Always looking for something. He had swimming lessons this week. Day One: Cried. Day Two: Scared but went in the big pool and kicked his legs. Day Three: Stood all by himself for 2 seconds in the shallow end of the big pool. Not that he loved it but he did it. The next two lessons are Mon. and Tues. of next week. I hope that he continues to progress. I'm thinking of seeing if the babysitter will watch Adalei for awhile next week so I can take Luke to the pool. We were swimming fools this week. My nephew was here and went swimming three days in a row with us. Luke loved it! I did too! I had forgotten how much I miss swimming. I think Luke learned just as much from our swimming fun as he did at his lessons. Bryce got him to blow bubbles, and hold his breath in the water (a little bit), and (in the baby pool) lower himself down in the water to his chin. All things he wouldn't do prior to Tuesday! Next year I may see if Ryan would go swimming and make it worthwhile to get a family pass. Otherwise I guess the kids are free still, I could get an individual pass. I feel healthier and more playful after this week. I think I really needed that! I would go swimming everyday if time allowed!

Well that should do it for now, more randomness later! :)

Ramblings

Things are going well with work. I really enjoy my job and am learning quite a bit. And quite a bit about myself. I have doctor-phobias.... I really don't talk to them well because I let myself become intimidated by them. Well the Dr.s here are wonderful and open and friendly and that has allowed me to slowly get over this phobia, hopefully sooner than later. I am really trying to overcome my my fear of emergency too.... Hopefully one day my knees won't knock and I won't get flustered when we get emergencies. Seriously!

I will tell you that I am not adjusting to the day/night sleep thing. I am SUPER sleepy all the time, and lack any motivation to get anything done! I feel very neglectful of my home. Night 5 of the nights rotation during this month. Once, this month is over than I can go back to mostly days and only a few night shift. It will work out SO much better.

I do feel kind of isolated now. I really don't have much for friends..... Or any desire to leave my house to visit them. I rarely leave Arnold, so my N.P. friends/family that I only saw for events and work are neglected. I really want to fit in at work and have friends here, but I feel like maybe I am pushing too much. Sigh.

Oh yeah, my sis -in-law is preggers. I am beyond happy for them. Ryan told me that I am going to end up with baby fever by the time the new little one joins the Tullis clan, but I'm already there. However I get in a panic when the prospect of that actually happening is a possibility. And then once the "scare" is over, I am truly disappointed! Argh! I really want to wait until Adalei is 2 and/or potty trained. If it happens before, I will be very happy. If it doesn't.... Not concerned either. But let me clarify, we are NOT trying.

My sister is getting married next week, I am so happy! Not excited about my "heavyweight" body going into the bridesmaid dress, but exuberant for her and excited to celebrate the momentous occasion with her!!!

I am sorry this has been so long to get an update, but to tell you the truth the whole Adalei's Journey is sticking out like a sore thumb, and I really am lacking the memory on most of it. So If I finish it I do.. If I don't I'm sorry. Maybe it would just be easier to copy and paste my facebook statuses to this and them you can see all of it..... Hmmm? It would lack the emotion though.
One thing that I will say about that now, is that at my new job they have the soap we had to use before we could go back to see Adalei, every time I smell it it takes my right back there. Deep, DEEP emotions overwhelm me. I never experienced such nostalgia from smells like that before. I think of holding her for the first time after her surgery, breast pumping, remember the beeps of the machines, all the tubes. It swirls through my head in a millisecond, and I am briefly sad and then I rejoice, because my miracle baby survived all of it. Thanking God every time.

Have a wonderful day! God bless you all!

My sweet Adalei. 6 months

We are 3/4 done remodeling Lukes room. I am keeping busy getting his room done, sewing Adalei's crib bedding for her new room (Luke's old room), and just keeping up with the house chores and the kids!! In addition to these I am also starting a new job in April. It is 1/2 the distance and I am getting very excited, and also kind of nervous too. This will mean though that we picnh the pennies for a awhile. Its a pay deduction on my part, but hopefully it will be better for my family, I will be home sooner and different hours. We will see how well it all goes. my last day in N.P. is the 31st. I really don't want to talk about it too much right now, butI am going to be missing some friends. I know the 31st is going to be a hard day. Ugh.

Well I really need to stay focused if I plan to get the house clean, and finish the crib skirt by the end of today. I will at some point post more on the Adalei Journey, get that to the end of her hospital stay. My to-do list seems never ending anymore.

Adalei's journey Part 4

We landed in Denver at 1236 am on the 12th. And made about a 40 minute trek across Denver to get to Presbyterian/St. Lukes. I stood outside while they unloaded Adalei out of the ambulance, and stumbled along as they pointed things out to me on the way up to the NICU.

My contacts were beyond blurry. I couldn't see anything. They took me into the room where Adalei and about 6 other premature babies were temporarily calling home. It was a fairly large room and Adalei was in the far corner, but with all the equipment and such that where in there with her, there wasn't much room to even be near her. I felt like I was unwelcome there at first. Nobody said anything to me, barely acknowledged I was there except the glances casted toward me. I thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to be back there or something, but I was going to be whether they liked it or not! About 20 minutes later someone offered me a seat, and asked if I needed anything. I asked for a saline syringe and the bathroom. She kindly showed me the way back out the door, and to a old and, in desperate need of renovation, bathroom. I spruced up my contacts a little and headed back to the room.

When I returned I met the in house NICU doctor. I believe he introduced himself 3 times but I don't remember it now. He told me that the cardiologist would be arriving soon and that he is VERY good, and that my baby girl is in good hands. He also asked me several questions about when things started with Adalei deterioration, things I wasn't sure how to answer. They had Adalei all hooked up to the monitors there, and the numbers where not looking any better. Now that I am familiar with it all, I am sure the sats being lower had to do with the altitude, but at that time, I had a horrible feeling things were going south --fast.

Mom and Dad showed up soon after. I believe they showed up just as I was talking to the doctor, but I am not really positive. I told Mom what they said, and I think the Cardiologist showed up as I was talking to mom. The Dr. introduced himself and said that he was going to be a while, looking at all the things going on with my daughters heart. He preformed the ECHO himself. It took forever. I stood beside Mom, and then I think Mom went out and let Dad come back during that time. I think? We didn't get to close still, I think we stood about 10 feet away from her isolette. Then Adalei had a coughing spell or something, her numbers went all crazy and the nurse came over and adjusted stuff. The lights and alarms were going off, Adalei still looked like crap. The prostaglandins they gave her were taking effect and made her really splotchy red. Dad stepped out after Adalei's little fit, and I don't remember much, but Mom came back in and then it wasn't long then Ryan and Ed, and Chad were there. Soon Ryan was at my side again and Mom stepped out.

I was glad Ryan was there. I felt a relief. I was worried about him making it there safely, and then even just being there in time to hear all the answers to all the many questions we had. It seemed like minutes after everyone except Kim and Chris had shown up the Cardiologist had the diagnosis. We all stepped into a Conference room, and Dr. B drew a diagram for us. He explained the condition and the procedures that would be done to fix it and the follow up things afterward. Kim and Chris showed up sometime around now. He gave us the news we had hoped to hear. "She will come out of this and be a normal kid. She will play volleyball, and cheer lead. This is a fixable problem. " Oh thank you sweet Jesus! I was hopeful, but still scared. The plan was to do a Septostomy, the following day, and then get her to Childrens hospital the day before her open heart surgery to reverse her transposed vessels. If her conditioned warranted, they would do the septostomy in the morning/afternoon, and then 2 days later get her to Children's and that Friday do the surgery.

Open heart surgery on a 4 day old, wow, what a scary thing. I was astounded that they could do it.

After our meeting and question session was over, Everyone except the aunts and uncles took turns seeing Adalei. You see, in the P/SL NICU only parents and grandparents could visit the patients. With all the swine flu going around ,and the HIPPA restrictions, they were very cautious. Adalei was next to two very tiny babies, less than half her size. I prayed for healing for them also. I was amazed at how big they made Adalei look. The nurses stated that Adalei was one of their biggest babies to take care of.

We soon were feeling very fatigued. I think it was 3 or 4 in the morning our time? The hospital graciously found spare rooms for Ryan, myself, Chad and Ed to stay in. My folks and Kim and Chris went and found a hotel. I was completely zombied by now, the contacts were blurred over again. I was relieved to get them out. I decided then that I better go with out them for a few days. Once I changed my clothes and took some more pain medication I tried to lay down, but I couldn't stop crying, I felt horrible. Like it was my fault. I just couldn't stop. I was distraught. Ryan eventually came to my bedside and made me lay down, I don't remember trying to go to sleep, I think I cried myself to sleep. (I think I look back to this part of the day the most. The hopelessness I felt, and my strong supportive husband comforting me. His love and care for me, it really moved me when I thought back on this day. I love him so much!)

A new day for another day.... Stay Tuned.

Holiday fun!

Daddy and Luke getting ready to cut or Christmas tree (we ended up not using it though. It was only half a tree adn looked pretty sparce. We bought a live one. Which was a first for us, but it was pretty and I liked ecorating it much better, not so smelly and pokey. :)


Eating candy canes in the country on our christmas tree hunt. Singing Christmas songs and drinkng hot chocolate!! So much fun!



Adalei talking to us by the christmas tree.

Christmas cuties!

Adalei loves the bath! She's so cute! I thought maybe some of you might want to see how well her incision is healing too.