Ramblings

Things are going well with work. I really enjoy my job and am learning quite a bit. And quite a bit about myself. I have doctor-phobias.... I really don't talk to them well because I let myself become intimidated by them. Well the Dr.s here are wonderful and open and friendly and that has allowed me to slowly get over this phobia, hopefully sooner than later. I am really trying to overcome my my fear of emergency too.... Hopefully one day my knees won't knock and I won't get flustered when we get emergencies. Seriously!

I will tell you that I am not adjusting to the day/night sleep thing. I am SUPER sleepy all the time, and lack any motivation to get anything done! I feel very neglectful of my home. Night 5 of the nights rotation during this month. Once, this month is over than I can go back to mostly days and only a few night shift. It will work out SO much better.

I do feel kind of isolated now. I really don't have much for friends..... Or any desire to leave my house to visit them. I rarely leave Arnold, so my N.P. friends/family that I only saw for events and work are neglected. I really want to fit in at work and have friends here, but I feel like maybe I am pushing too much. Sigh.

Oh yeah, my sis -in-law is preggers. I am beyond happy for them. Ryan told me that I am going to end up with baby fever by the time the new little one joins the Tullis clan, but I'm already there. However I get in a panic when the prospect of that actually happening is a possibility. And then once the "scare" is over, I am truly disappointed! Argh! I really want to wait until Adalei is 2 and/or potty trained. If it happens before, I will be very happy. If it doesn't.... Not concerned either. But let me clarify, we are NOT trying.

My sister is getting married next week, I am so happy! Not excited about my "heavyweight" body going into the bridesmaid dress, but exuberant for her and excited to celebrate the momentous occasion with her!!!

I am sorry this has been so long to get an update, but to tell you the truth the whole Adalei's Journey is sticking out like a sore thumb, and I really am lacking the memory on most of it. So If I finish it I do.. If I don't I'm sorry. Maybe it would just be easier to copy and paste my facebook statuses to this and them you can see all of it..... Hmmm? It would lack the emotion though.
One thing that I will say about that now, is that at my new job they have the soap we had to use before we could go back to see Adalei, every time I smell it it takes my right back there. Deep, DEEP emotions overwhelm me. I never experienced such nostalgia from smells like that before. I think of holding her for the first time after her surgery, breast pumping, remember the beeps of the machines, all the tubes. It swirls through my head in a millisecond, and I am briefly sad and then I rejoice, because my miracle baby survived all of it. Thanking God every time.

Have a wonderful day! God bless you all!

My sweet Adalei. 6 months

We are 3/4 done remodeling Lukes room. I am keeping busy getting his room done, sewing Adalei's crib bedding for her new room (Luke's old room), and just keeping up with the house chores and the kids!! In addition to these I am also starting a new job in April. It is 1/2 the distance and I am getting very excited, and also kind of nervous too. This will mean though that we picnh the pennies for a awhile. Its a pay deduction on my part, but hopefully it will be better for my family, I will be home sooner and different hours. We will see how well it all goes. my last day in N.P. is the 31st. I really don't want to talk about it too much right now, butI am going to be missing some friends. I know the 31st is going to be a hard day. Ugh.

Well I really need to stay focused if I plan to get the house clean, and finish the crib skirt by the end of today. I will at some point post more on the Adalei Journey, get that to the end of her hospital stay. My to-do list seems never ending anymore.

Adalei's journey Part 4

We landed in Denver at 1236 am on the 12th. And made about a 40 minute trek across Denver to get to Presbyterian/St. Lukes. I stood outside while they unloaded Adalei out of the ambulance, and stumbled along as they pointed things out to me on the way up to the NICU.

My contacts were beyond blurry. I couldn't see anything. They took me into the room where Adalei and about 6 other premature babies were temporarily calling home. It was a fairly large room and Adalei was in the far corner, but with all the equipment and such that where in there with her, there wasn't much room to even be near her. I felt like I was unwelcome there at first. Nobody said anything to me, barely acknowledged I was there except the glances casted toward me. I thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to be back there or something, but I was going to be whether they liked it or not! About 20 minutes later someone offered me a seat, and asked if I needed anything. I asked for a saline syringe and the bathroom. She kindly showed me the way back out the door, and to a old and, in desperate need of renovation, bathroom. I spruced up my contacts a little and headed back to the room.

When I returned I met the in house NICU doctor. I believe he introduced himself 3 times but I don't remember it now. He told me that the cardiologist would be arriving soon and that he is VERY good, and that my baby girl is in good hands. He also asked me several questions about when things started with Adalei deterioration, things I wasn't sure how to answer. They had Adalei all hooked up to the monitors there, and the numbers where not looking any better. Now that I am familiar with it all, I am sure the sats being lower had to do with the altitude, but at that time, I had a horrible feeling things were going south --fast.

Mom and Dad showed up soon after. I believe they showed up just as I was talking to the doctor, but I am not really positive. I told Mom what they said, and I think the Cardiologist showed up as I was talking to mom. The Dr. introduced himself and said that he was going to be a while, looking at all the things going on with my daughters heart. He preformed the ECHO himself. It took forever. I stood beside Mom, and then I think Mom went out and let Dad come back during that time. I think? We didn't get to close still, I think we stood about 10 feet away from her isolette. Then Adalei had a coughing spell or something, her numbers went all crazy and the nurse came over and adjusted stuff. The lights and alarms were going off, Adalei still looked like crap. The prostaglandins they gave her were taking effect and made her really splotchy red. Dad stepped out after Adalei's little fit, and I don't remember much, but Mom came back in and then it wasn't long then Ryan and Ed, and Chad were there. Soon Ryan was at my side again and Mom stepped out.

I was glad Ryan was there. I felt a relief. I was worried about him making it there safely, and then even just being there in time to hear all the answers to all the many questions we had. It seemed like minutes after everyone except Kim and Chris had shown up the Cardiologist had the diagnosis. We all stepped into a Conference room, and Dr. B drew a diagram for us. He explained the condition and the procedures that would be done to fix it and the follow up things afterward. Kim and Chris showed up sometime around now. He gave us the news we had hoped to hear. "She will come out of this and be a normal kid. She will play volleyball, and cheer lead. This is a fixable problem. " Oh thank you sweet Jesus! I was hopeful, but still scared. The plan was to do a Septostomy, the following day, and then get her to Childrens hospital the day before her open heart surgery to reverse her transposed vessels. If her conditioned warranted, they would do the septostomy in the morning/afternoon, and then 2 days later get her to Children's and that Friday do the surgery.

Open heart surgery on a 4 day old, wow, what a scary thing. I was astounded that they could do it.

After our meeting and question session was over, Everyone except the aunts and uncles took turns seeing Adalei. You see, in the P/SL NICU only parents and grandparents could visit the patients. With all the swine flu going around ,and the HIPPA restrictions, they were very cautious. Adalei was next to two very tiny babies, less than half her size. I prayed for healing for them also. I was amazed at how big they made Adalei look. The nurses stated that Adalei was one of their biggest babies to take care of.

We soon were feeling very fatigued. I think it was 3 or 4 in the morning our time? The hospital graciously found spare rooms for Ryan, myself, Chad and Ed to stay in. My folks and Kim and Chris went and found a hotel. I was completely zombied by now, the contacts were blurred over again. I was relieved to get them out. I decided then that I better go with out them for a few days. Once I changed my clothes and took some more pain medication I tried to lay down, but I couldn't stop crying, I felt horrible. Like it was my fault. I just couldn't stop. I was distraught. Ryan eventually came to my bedside and made me lay down, I don't remember trying to go to sleep, I think I cried myself to sleep. (I think I look back to this part of the day the most. The hopelessness I felt, and my strong supportive husband comforting me. His love and care for me, it really moved me when I thought back on this day. I love him so much!)

A new day for another day.... Stay Tuned.

Holiday fun!

Daddy and Luke getting ready to cut or Christmas tree (we ended up not using it though. It was only half a tree adn looked pretty sparce. We bought a live one. Which was a first for us, but it was pretty and I liked ecorating it much better, not so smelly and pokey. :)


Eating candy canes in the country on our christmas tree hunt. Singing Christmas songs and drinkng hot chocolate!! So much fun!



Adalei talking to us by the christmas tree.

Christmas cuties!

Adalei loves the bath! She's so cute! I thought maybe some of you might want to see how well her incision is healing too.

Quick Pic

Aren't these two simply adorable! I just love my Addie-bug's smile to her BIG brother!


Love you all!
Cindy

Adalei's Journey Part III

I'm sorry I haven't been to bloggy. Started back at work and it has been an adjustment to get myself in flow with the new routine. I am procrastinating on finishing my Journey posts because I don't know if I can remember all of it clearly. It's all a little foggy. But I will do my best.





We went to her isolette in the NICU. There she was with all the monitor watching over her. I looked up at the screen reading numbers, knowing where they should be and horrifically finding they were no where near that. Oxygen Sats in the 70s. Heart rate 110s. My heart plummeted. I tried to stay strong. I was confused. I tried to make myself understand it all. I felt guilty for not knowing why there was those crappy numbers and no interventions being done. She was lying there with an iv. There was a tiny oxygen mask nearby but not on her. I was puzzled. I looked to the nurses with tears in my eyes. They knew my question before I did.


"Her oxygen levels have to stay low so her natural patent ductus foramen will stay open, and won't naturally close. If she is well oxygenated it will close and there will be no oxygenated blood into her body, just her lungs."


70s-80 oxygen saturations... brain function. oxygen. The brain needs oxygen.


"Her brain function should not be affected."


Hmm. They read my thoughts. My questions must have been written on my face. Slightly relieved.


Her color, her little feet are dusky, I want to so bad comfort and hold her. I touch her and make her mad, and she startles. The nurse politely instructed me to not stroke but hold constant touch to her skin. I want to pick her up. I want to put her back in my belly and keep her healthy inside of me. I want to take back every minute of time that I spoke of wanting her to be born. Just make her better, what is wrong with her, will she live, will she die? God please let her live. Please heal my sweet sweet Adalei.


I go back to my room to find some sweet friends that had come to welcome little Adalei, and meet her 4 day old baby as well. I give little Anna a caress on the top of her head, thinking man I wish it was my baby, I wish I could be holding my healthy little girl. i head into my room and start to gather my belongings, I have a few short hours until the Air flight team would arrive. I had to compose myself. I stared at the wall, at my bed, became irritated with everything int eh room and came back to my worried stupor. I Packed and repacked. Stuff for me to go on the fligh,t stuff to be sent with Ryan to brig in the vehicle to come to Denver, and things that could be sent home.


My new night nurse comes in and gives me my dismissal papers, I take some Ibuprofen, and decided to breast pump for Adalei. It was the only thing I felt I had control of. I didn't get much and the nurse decided it was not enough to save and pitched it. I bawled. Even that was taken from me.


I felt so numb, Ryan felt so far away, I felt empty like I wasn't there. Numb. 8:30 came the flight was supposed to arrive around 900pm. I'm getting anxious and went into see my daughter again. I really don't remember much during this time, just watching her, then returning to my room and staring at all the faces in the room. Luke was getting tired and crabby, and I was frustrated with him, but I wanted him close. My healthy little boy. We discussed family plans, who was coming , and who was staying. Mom and Dad would go to Denver. Ryan Chad and ED would go together to Denver. Kim and Chris would go together to Denver. Holly, Tricia, Bryce, Bella, and Luke would come later.


900pm came and went. We went and talked to the nursing staff. The flight team couldn't leave Denver yet because of the weather. wait.wait. wait.


1000pm the flight team just arrived, now we had to wait and see if they thought I could ride along with Adalei or not. Again wait. Wait. Wait. I believe Mom left for Denver about this time, and was going to pick up Dad on the way there.


Signed the ambulance tranfer papers, signed air flight papers. Got the "okay" that I could ride along they believed and Ryan left, with his brother and dad to go to Denver and meet us at P/SL.


I thought we would be leaving very soon after, 1030 came then 1100. I went to see what was going on. They had to intubate Adalei, because she needed prostiglandins (which would help keep the patent ductus foramen open ) in which made her red all over, and more importantly could make her become apneic (stop breathing), thus, the breathing tube. The Air flight team did this, however my little fighter didn't tolerate the procedure and fought them through it. So it took longer.

They had her all ready to go, the family members that were staying behind peeked at Adalei as she was wheeled by.

We finally left the hospital at 1122 pm, on a very slow moving ambulance to a airport where this tiny jet was. They loaded my baby up and I climbed in. It was the fastest trip to Denver I've ever had or ever will have, but it felt like it took forever. I was ready to have answers, and a plan, and my baby.

The jet we rode in. Stay tuned..... Adalei wants me to stop blogging and feed her right now! :)

Tired

Sorry, I haven't updated lately. My visit to the greats was, well great! Didn't get to snap as many photos as I wanted. My little girl was a little fussy. I'm not sure why. I'm noticing at night she has needed an extra couple ounces or so before she will nod off. At times she has ate 8 ounces! She's not even 2 months!!! And has been having 2 hour awake stretches at night. That is getting to me. I'm trying to get so I make a lunch for Ryan and get up with him in the morning, but Adalei keeps me awake from 4-6 and I'm zonked and sleep hard until Ryan gives me my "goodbye" kiss before he leaves. I think it would be better if we tried to get to bed a little sooner too. These midnight bedtimes for us has got to stop! I wish there was more hours in the day so I can get everything done! WE will need to adjust bedtime ritual before I go back to work (in less than a month!!!) Ugh I'm giving myself heartburn just thinking about it! Okay on to other stuff than.

Luke has been starting to act better around Adalei. Not that anybody believes that he is naughty to me and his sister; he saves all of that just for me! (so sweet of him). Hopefully its done with for the most part, Soon enough she can defend herself.
Adalei's baby shower is this Sunday. At the Arnold Baptist Church.

Sorry so random and brief but I'm tired and the time here is 1132 pm. Ryan was able to get Miss Adalei to bed finally!!! I'm going too... my bed is calling me. Sigh.

Good night,
Cindy

Seeing double!

These two are two different ages, Luke is about 7 months old and Adalei is only one month old, but their expressions are similar so I thought I'd compare.

They are both 6 weeks old in this photo. Luke definitely has Mommy's eyes (color and shape) and Adalei takes after her Daddy. Both have adorable noses and sweet cheeks, but being about 3 pounds heavier than I'm sure Luke was, Adalei is bound to have chubbier cheeks. She is 12 pounds already! Both are my little sweethearts and I love them to pieces. I had to share these. I will continue with my Adalei's Journey story later. Today we are going to see the Greats!

What?

The Greats. Luke and Adalei's Great Grandma, Great Aunt, Great Granny, and maybe Great Great Grandma. It will be a GREAT day!

Love,

Cindy

Adalei's Journey Part II

Grandparents holding Adalei. My father hasn't gotten the chance to hold her yet!!!

Soon very soon he will! :)

Our first complete family photo! We are so thrilled!

The morning after she was born. Medical student examining Adalei.

We enjoyed having people come a visit us that night and almost all the next day.

The night she was born Aunt Tricia and cousin Bryce visited.

Granma and Papa and Luke came to visit. And of course my sister and mother were there also. My sister took most of the photos and I now realize that I didn't get a picture of her holding Adalei snapped that night. Bummer! Hopefully my mom did though.

August 11th, 2009

In the morning, Adalei is continuing to do well. Eating great and acting completely normal. Due to her being over 9 pounds they had to check her sugars frequently, and at times she did drop, and I had to feed her formula to bring her glucose back to were it needed to be. I had fun dressing her up and putting her bow in her hair.

Aunt Brentney, cousin Gage, Aunt Kimmy and Chris came for a visit. Aunt Brentney loved holding her niece and they brought her a cute outifit and stuffed bunny.

We had lots of visitors from around the hospital. Tonda, Lisa, Sharon, Lisa K. Ruby. That's all I remember right now. I feel bad if I've forgotten, but the whirlwind that happened shortly after has left my brain void of all the memory. We had been taking a long nap. Adalei really wasn't terribly hungry that afternoon and was a sleepy girl (now I know that was lethargy from the lack of oxygen) . They came and took Adalei for her hearing test around 3:00. Ryan left to go to the lumber yard in Ogallala. Adalei's future babysitter came up for a visit as well as Granma Holly and Luke. Around 4:30, In what a seemed like an eternity, the nurse came in with her overseeing nurse (she was orienting) and they informed me that Adalei is having some oxygen problems, and that they were doing an ECHO and ABG's and other test on her to see what was wrong and that Dr. S would be in soon to tell us what was going on.

My heart stopped. I remained mostly calm, called Ryan and my voice cracked and he could tell that although I was calm he needed to turn around. Luckily he had only made it to the Hershey exit, so he could turn back around quickly.

Ryan came back and we called the family. We prayed that all would be okay, and that the answers would come quickly. A few people came in to visit during this time and I don't really remember who all was there, but I was nervous and scared. My mom and sisters arrived and my brother and sister in law and Bryce arrived too. Ryan was getting very anxious, still no update or answers and it had been an hour.

Around 7:00 pm Dr. S came in and hugged me. I knew it was bad. He asked how I was doing?

I replied, "well, that depends on what you have to tell me."

He sighs. (this is not good at all.)

The summarized version. Your baby was not oxygenating well. We did ABG'S and put her on oxygen and that didn't help. We did a chest x-ray and a ECHO and we see that something is wrong with her heart. I can't be sure what it is and so that's why we are going to fly your baby out.

I know he explained everything well,better than I have here. He also went into detail of the plans of what the night entailed. Asking if I was dismissed, (thank God, Dr. J let me go) and explaining where Adalei would be sent but not to leave to go there yet, until we knew I would be able to ride with her or not. He then informed us that we could go back into the NICU and see Adalei now too.

When he left the room and Started sobbing, and pleading to God out loud. Arms surrounded me. I felt so lost and confused. I wanted answers and I wanted my baby.

This is going on long enough for today. More another day. Stay tuned.

Adalei's Journey Part 1

Happy Mommy!

It is taking forever for the photos to upload and be positioned correctly so I am going to play the story out a little bit.

Monday August 10th 2009.

I had made a post this day. Wishing that "today would be the day." I had previously guessed it to be the day I would deliver Adalei. Throughout the day I had irregular contractions. Nothing majorly painful or consistent. I Bounced away on my birthing ball not really knowing what would happen. I talked to my mom and my mother -in-law informing them of the contractions, but not to expect anything. I definitely had a surge of energy that day. Looking back it was nesting. I talked to Ryan and my mothers throughout the day, still feeling about the same nothing to get excited about (Shucks!). All day I was consistently trying to get the lawn mower to run and get the lawn mowed. I was always unlucky and it never stayed running. My 4th and final attempt was about 430. I went inside and messed around on the computer and then straightened more things up around the house. I called Ryan to inform him of the mowers issues and he planned on fixing it after work. Throughout this time I was having stronger contractions while I was walking and such, but nothing that took my breath away. It slowed me down but never stopped me. Ryan got home around 600 and Luke woke up from his nap around then. Ryan changed clothes, visited to me a little about different plans for the night and off he went to to try to restart the mower. Around 630 I was changing Luke's diaper, and was reaching to grab him from "escaping" Mommy while I was putting his pants back on him and I felt a weird pop inside. It kind of sounded like a joint popping but not really and then a gush. "Oh my..."
"hurry Luke get your pants on." I was sitting on the living floor which is carpet. I fought with the pants to get them on the right way, and ran to the bathroom, more gushing with each movement.

Ryan came inside to get something, and I hollered from the bathroom "Ryan..."
He didn't hear. So I decided to get up and tell him and then get ready to go the the hospital. He was about to walk out the door and I told him. " You aren't going to be mowing the lawn..... we are going to be having the baby. My water just broke."

"oh, okay." he replies and then says, "well what do we need to be doing?" It was like boom he was making plans and getting things ready instantly. His folks were on their way back from Kearney and after the call was made they were planning on stopping in to get Luke. I Showered and got ready. Really not having any contractions in the shower, I was feeling so excited and happy. Once I got dressed, then wham they started. Strong and heavy. I called my mom and told her we were on our way to the hospital. She told me I should have just came to North Platte this morning, when I started the contractions. (Had I'd known I might have.) It was around 700 pm when we left the house, I started timing them and they were coming every 3 minutes on the dot. Ryan drove 10-15 mph over the speed limit and with the hazards on. I think he was glad to have an excuse to speed! :) I tried to call the doctor to let him know we were on our way. We were happy to hear that is was Dr. J again that was on call (he delivered Luke). They paged him to call me but we arrived at the hospital without ever hearing from him.

740 pm We sat in the ER for about 10-15 minutes waiting for the busy OB floor staff to come get me. All the while the ER secretary getting more fidgety and nervous, with each contraction, which were coming about every 2 minutes and more painful. I am still releasing the amniotic fluid, the whole time apologizing profusely for the wet chair I was leaving behind.

We got to the floor.

I got out of my clothes and into the gown. Hooked up to the monitor and checked. 5cm dilated. 100% effaced and still high -1. My mother and sister arrive on the scene and help through the journey.

Iv started and labs drawn. The OB floor is super busy and I am thankful to have a wonderful nurse getting me all situated while they were awaiting more help. The nurse informs me that she would go ahead and have the anesthesiologist come and see me after he was done with the patient he is currently with. I tell my nurse thanks and that I plan on holding off as much as I can. The labor pains were tolerable. As the nurse is finishing everything up and getting all necessary questions asked and items ready the CRNA shows up and by now (which was probably an hour but I am not definite.) I was ready to see him. The pains were getting bad and I requests everyone to not talk during contractions. The CRNA asked his slew of questions and I managed to not rip his head off while he talked and joked during my contractions. My mother kindly asked him to be quiet after I gave her one of those looks-- "will you kill this guy for me" looks. He laughed and continued on his merry way.

Then I was sitting up high on the side bed, being told to lean over my belly, and feeling like I was going to fall off the bed. My mother and sister supported more for comfort than actually holding me up, and the epidural was placed during a break from the contractions. I hate this time right here, it's awful feeling!

I had my epidural in place and had some weird back pain at first but it stopped soon after and then I was allowed to lay back down.

As soon as I laid down I had this incredible urge to go the bathroom. The nurse was shocked and I was not feeling any relief from the epidural. The nurse checked me I was complete and Adalei was coming down. She got more help in the room and got the Dr paged. I was having a lot of pain so the CRNA gave me more medicine and said that had he known I was going to go this fast he would have just done a spinal. The medicine was starting to work a little, I could feel everything, but it was muted. I was starting to feel urges to push. I was fighting off the urge by "blowing across the room" as instructed by the nurse. I am not sure how much time passed, but it felt like the Dr. J couldn't get there fast enough, they helped me to stay calm and assured me they would be there if Dr. J. didn't get there in time. The second he did get there I was finally allowed to push and this time it took more pushing, more and more. I thought to myself I can't feel where I'm pushing. So I spoke up and we adjusted the bed and me and then I felt much more in control of my pushing. So after (maybe 15 minutes of pushing) I could see her little head. Look at all that hair! We were surprised! 5 minutes later I had Adalei Rose on my tummy. Ryan got to cut the cord and my mother and sister were both there to share the joy.

I helped dry her off, and noticed her color wasn't to great, they decided to move her to the isolette for the cleaning and checks. Her apgar was 6/9. She was a big girl 9 pounds 1.7 ounces. 22 inches long. I can't believe how big she was either, but it also explained some of why it took a little longer to deliver her.

Over all I was super impressed at the way my labor and delivery went. Most of it at home, and fast at the hospital. I am happy with my pain tolerance too. The first go around I wasn't able to get past 4 cm w/o the epidural. I imagine I was 7 or better during this one.

Things were great that night as we welcomed our little bundle to the world. We loved introducing her to her family. More of those pictures later! Stay tuned!

Its almost been a month?

Phew, this last month has seemed to go by quickly. In a sense. Addie shouldn't be 1 month old (tomorrow) already! But we have spent all but seven days of her life here in Denver. which has seemed to drag on and on. I am SO ready to not be in Colorado (nothing against CO, but its not home). Well, we went home for a short time, then Addie got an infection in her incision and had to return to TCH. They opened areas of her incision up and started her on some nasty antibiotics, but they are working well, and Friday she was dismissed and we are now living at the Ronald McDonald House. Which Luke has named "Rockin Donalds House". I am doing dressing changes daily, and today they plan on pulling her PICC line out. Yay! Luke, Adalei and I said goodbye to Daddy this morning as he is returning back to home to go to work. I am not thrilled by it, but thankfully Addie is done with the IV antibiotics, so I don't have the tubing and bag of fluids to keep and eye on as I move around and chase Luke down. I am hoping this transition will work well for us. For far so good. Luke is starting to get grumpy though, so I better finish this up and get him down for a nap.

Thanks again to everyone who has prayed for our family this last month, we greatly appreciate it!!

God Bless you and your family!

Quick Update!

All is well here!! Adalei is off the arterial lines and has her JP drain out and the leads that were attached to her heart are gone. Now all she has to lose is a peripheral line, oxygen and her lead monitoring her heart, oxygen, BP. We are graduating today to the 9th floor which is cardiac progressive care unit. Yay! Big girl! We have heard rumors of her possibly being dismissed Wednesday, however that is still in air, nothing settled. I don't know if I like that too much. I really don't want her to go before EVERYTHING is okay. It was also mentioned that if were were dismissed we would stay at the Ronald McDonald House with her for a week, just as a precaution. That way we are close by, just in case.

She does have a right upper collapsed lung. Healing well on its own though. Doing CPT and breathing treatments.
She is getting captopril to keep her blood pressures down, and lasix to help her excrete excess fluid out of her body. They are also giving her tylenol around the clock for pain control, because "ouch" she had her chest cracked open and is tolerating it better than most adults would tolerate a sliver in our hand! AMAZING! God is healing and comforting her I am sure about that!

I have heard many times over the amount of people that have been praying for our little angel. I just want to give you all a huge hug and thank you for spending time with Christ on our behalf!! Truly humbling and eye opening for me!!!

I never thought I would get over Ryan's cancer. Phew! It was hard. And almost as a reward for making it through that he blessed us with a pregnancy 4 short months after chemo, which was not "supposed" to happen for at least 2-4 years!
And then this miracle child came into our world and although her first 4 days of life were tough, she is showing the awesome gifts God give us. She is a true angel and blessing to her Mommy and Daddy!!!
Well, I could go on and on, but I am missing my little girl, and am heading out to go see her!
God Bless you all!!!

God's Miracles

Adalei is doing so well!! She is off her breathing tube. and is doing spectacular. The doctors are all awestruck at the progress she is making!!! She is my Rock-star. So many hearts were reaching out to God to place His hands on her, and that He did. My angel is doing so well.
Last night we got to give her a little bird bath, and feed her an ounce of breastmilk, and held her, and moved her into a "big girl bed." We were able to remove 4 out of the 12 tubes in her body yesterday, with the hopes of 3 more to come out today!!! The nurses and doctors are so impressed with how Strong she is. And so are Mommy and Daddy. It is hard to believe that less than 36 hours ago her heart wasn't beating. They had it stopped. Now its pumping great. Her color looks awesome! She is starting to be able to cry (still hoarse but its audible now), I am so relieved and overjoyed at my baby's accomplishments.

I can't help but think how special she is to me and how I want EVERYTHING to be perfect for her now. I was just planning on leaving her little room yellow, but now I am going all out and going to paint it purple and make it totally special for her. Ryan has agreed to it!

Oh Ryan. I love the way he is with his baby girl. Adalei is a Daddy's girl that is for sure. He can soothe her right down. He washed her hair last night and she was so fussy, but Ryan found a spot on the top of her head and was cleaning it and Addie just calmed instantly, and even looked like she was smiling!
Speaking of which, she has the CUTEST dimples!!!! One right next to her mouth on the right side and on her cheek on the left!! I love them!!!!!

Praise GOD!


I will update again soon hopefully!!

My baby girl

I was right. Adalei Rose Tullis arrived Monday at 927 pm. Weighing in at a whopping 9.1! 22 inches long and beautiful head of dirty blond/brown hair. Much like her Mommy had when she was born.

I write this post as a vent though. A cry out of mercy. You see my Sweet sweet Adalei has Transposition of the Great Arteries. She is to have open heart surgery today hopefully at 11-12 this am.

I am scared.
I am mad.
I am grateful-- that this is the heart condition. It's an "easy" fix. If you want to call open heart surgery on my 2 1/2 day old baby easy.
I am supposed to home making an awesome supper for my hubby and I to share on our 4th anniversary. NOT praying and hoping for the best as my Adalei fights. Tonight is going to be a Bad night for her they say. Lots of ups and downs. I am not sure I can handle the downs right now. I am going to have to.

I was supposed to cuddling her at home. Not staring at her from her isolette. She was supposed to breastfeeding, she was not supposed to have a intubation tube down her mouth.
She was supposed to be staring up at me with her pretty dark blue eyes, she was not supposed to have swollen, black and blue eyes, and unable to open them.

I am supposed to be breastfeeding her, not the electrical pump in the Lactation room.

This sounds a lot like me me me, I I I. And to tell you the truth right now, I don't care. It is, how it is! I know God is present. I am very confused right now. I am questioning so many things, but I am grateful for what He is providing for my family. The medical staff at both facilities have been wonderful. I have lots of things that I AM grateful for, but I just feel so overwhelmed. It's not how thing were supposed to go. At least not in my plan.

but..

It's His plan, and although I don't understand it, nor right now do I like it. He is in control.

Lord please help my baby!!!!

Would you all please pray for her too!!!!!

I will try to update soon.

3 days

Three more due until my official due date, my appointment and my anniversary. It sounds like I have my priorities a little mixed up huh? I know. I can't think of anything else except getting Adalei here. I need to slow my roll. I do feel different today. More crampy in my lower pelvis, TMI but I did lose my MP yesterday. So maybe my baby finally decided to settle down and stay there! I have had 3 contractions in a hour. But its mild and doesn't bother me. I am going to go bounce on my "birthing ball" and see if that helps any. I keep reading all these different forums on Babycenter, about ladies and their birth stories. It's getting me all excited. However, I think it is not helping in other ways, because at the end of the day Addie is still in there. I just get more and more anxious. Today is the day I predicted her to show up. But I think I chose early this AM for my time so she has passed that hours ago. All those people that thought I was going to burst before August were way off now..... :)
I have 2 more days of work. Not looking forward to it. I just hope Addie and I can get this done today! They closed our unit Saturday. I don't know if its been opened back up yet or not. I really don't like to work on another floor, just because I have no clue where things are. In addition to the fact that if they float me I am most likely not going to be in charge. Which normally would be okay, but if you have to care for patients that are not independent (which really, most never are) that makes for a lot of pulling and lifting on a prego body. When you work on your own floor, teamwork is a little more established. Other floors, not so much, its kind of an independent game plan... Which scares me. Saturday a lady was attempting to fall while I helped her back to bed. Luckily we were close enough to her bed I was able to aim her to the bed as she lowered herself. We made it. Phew!

Make that 4 contractions in one hour..... Maybe today? *crosses fingers*

It's all in Gods hands, right? He is so good. I pray that my patience keeps it up while the clock keeps ticking by. She will come soon.

L & D visit

Grumble....

Last night I had contractions 2-3 minutes apart for about 2 1/2 hours. I called the Dr. He said living so far away, maybe I should get checked. So I did-- same story 1-2 cm, 50% effaced and she is STILL way up there. AH! I am so disappointed. We were there for 6 hours and nothing, she didn't come down or dilate more or anything! I just am drained. I was up all night with these darn contractions, got them where I thought something must be happening, and nothing! NOTHING. I am 39 weeks today. I am tired. I am ready to meet my baby. I know that she was way too high to have an effective induction (or so they tell me). But I was 1 of 2 patients on their floor. Come on-- why couldn't I be induced. Did I really want that before though. No not really, and maybe once my groggy head wakes up I will realize that, but I was so d#&* ready for it though. I bawled when they sent me home. I just want to see her. I'm so stinking impatient! I am so emotional. My Contractions have slowed way down. 20-30 minutes apart now. I don't know if I should be fighting to keep them going, or relax and let them decide. Maybe I should go for a long walk, or maybe I should take a bumpy car ride, or DTD (which started this by the way). Sorry I'm probably way too personal this post, but I feel horrible and needed a vent. I am not sure how to decide when is it time now. I was sure that I was definitely doing something last night, and nada. I guess I will wait until they are harder contractions.... even if they are 1-2 minutes apart. Sigh. I need to pray for strength, because I do not have it right now!

Final Countdown!

I opened my blog page this morning, and seen the little widget stating we were due in 9 days and my jaw dropped. All day yesterday I kept saying 10 days so you would think I would of had it figured out. It was definitely a shock. 9 days. It just looks more officially in writing! I am excited and nervous too. But I am anxious and want it to be less. I am rooting for now or at least by Friday. However, all my BH have sort of slowed down. I think I had been super stressed by the party, and wasn't drinking enough fluids lately. I feel great. In the aspect of how I feel, I could stay pregnant for a while! That must mean it's a ways away before I deliver right? Well, mentally I am super excited and want to have this happen. I do have something I want to discuss with the doctor, however its was an issue with my 1st pregnancy, and it nothing came of it. So I have been pushing it aside, but now I want to ask a few questions. If I get any news out of it I will share, otherwise, its probably TMI.

My house is in desperate need of attention today, so I plan on tackling that. I would also love to go get my baby niece's 1st birthday gift today. They are wanting to reschedule my OB appointment so I might possibly be going today or tomorrow? Not that anything big will come of it though.. "Yep. Baby's in there. See ya next week!" So if my appointment is today then the house cleaning will have to wait! Or at least some of it. :)

Well I suppose I should try to get something done around here, before a North Platte trip is in my schedule.

Party-pants

Well Ryan didn't know why he was having a party honoring him. He was suprised a little. We had a great turn out. A little over 50 people is what I was told. It was so much fun. I loved visiting with everyone, seeing all the little kiddos playing and having a blast. The food turned out really great too. I just loved it. It was better than I had planned. I did expect it to be a late night event, but everyone helped me clean up and we were out of there before 1030. I was suprised! It was such a blessing to see so many people there and to have a chance to thank each of them. It was wonderful. Holly snapped some pictures, If I get ahold of any I will try to post them on here!

Well, many people teased me about popping before the night was up. You know what, I haven't felt this good in about 2 weeks. I am a little puffy, but I have not had hardly any contractions and barely any back pain today. My Grandma and my Mom had me planned for today. Unless its the calm before the storm, I don't think today is the day. I was hoping I would just have her before Monday that way I would be done with work, but I suppose my chances of that are slimming down.. (Maybe I'll take that drive through the corn field..... Nah, the corn is tall right now I couldn't drive over it! Tubing would be bumpy enough..... Hmmmm? :) I'll just wait it out!) Oh yeah, at my appointment they told me I was only 1-2cm dialated-- same lady checked too, so I am sure that she was trying to be hopeful for me and say "to 2cm".... Hahaha. I am still long she says also, so Adalei is still not engaged. I was really disappointed that day, but I am okay with it today. I think thats because the pain isn't there like it has been. I was getting so restless/anxious with the prospect that maybe we were getting close only to find I would stop and it was all just false labor.

I have had a few dreams about the labor. All went well, water broke and everything went nice and quick. I haven't been sleeping well, I keep on hoping that I will wake up to find that my water broke. So I been waking up to check and see, if there was any development. Dry. Sleep. Awake. Get up and pee. Sleep. Awake. Check. Dry. Sleep. And so on and so forth.

It will happen when God and Adalei decide its time, there is nothing that I can do to change that. Plus, I still have 12 days until she is due. Why am I getting in such a hurry!? Because I want to smell my baby girl, caress her sweet cheeks, pat her bottom, have her hold my finger. Sigh.....

PLEASE PRAY FOR STELLAN!

Please Pray for Stellan. His heart and body are giving up on him. He has been in SVT for 3 days, and his little body is giving up. Things sound very discouraging for him. And his family is on his way to join him in the hospital.

Oh Lord, please heal little Stellans heart, and hold his family in your hands right now Lord.

Please visit MckMama's website for more info.

Cindy

Secret party exposed....

Ryan's secret surprise 1 year cancer free party was revealed. By me. Well, on accident. I forgot to look through the mail that I had picked up while I was delivering some invitation. An invite got wedged in between a couple of bills and Ryan found it. I guess that takes some stress off me as to trying to keep it a secret, and figuring out how to get Ryan to the party. So now I have to get all the food preparations made, I actually need to finish mailing out a few invites.
Its this Friday. Any of you blog reader want to join us its at the Arnold Community Center at 700 pm. We will have a simple supper and visiting, and I think I will bring some games, like cards and poker chips, and maybe some board games. Everyone can come. Come join the fun!

Unless, things get hairy around here.... Yesterday at work I terrible back pain and contractions that ranged to about every 20-30minutes apart, I still had my positional contractions too. Those don't count. If they did it would have been more like every 10-15 minutes. I had some during the night also. Today. only a few and far between. I bet if I where to go for a walk that would stir things up. Luke's still asleep and it pouring down rain right now. So that won't happen yet.

We went swimming last night. It was SO much fun!!!! I was so happy to finally go swimming. Ryan held Luke most of the time so I was free to float around and feel virtually weightless. So great!

Oh at my doctors appointment on Thursday, he said the baby's great, come back in a week. He didn't check me or anything. I wonder if I will get checked this week? I have officially seen all the OB Dr's. now, and all of them know about my heart stuff, so I feel better about that. Now when Addie chooses to show up, everyone is in the know. Oh and my heart Dr. stopped me and talked to me at work yesterday. Just checking up on me. I thought that was very kind. My family doctor doesn't even recognize me, let alone ask how I am doing. Well that's about it. Have great day! I will let you all know when the "Splashdown" occurs. (someone asked me that, when the splashdown was going to happen. I thought that was funny term, so I am throwing it out there.)