Growing Girl

Had my appointments over the last few days.

I was having a heart spell at work, they sent me over to NHI. I had already started to calm down before I got there, but I was still flushed, sweaty and dizzy. Then did an EKG sinus tach 115. BP was a little high, mostly due to me rambling and nervous 146/104. So then I sported a heart monitor and and got labs drawn. Yesterday I returned the heart monitor and they informed me that my labs are fine. Never once did I have another episode to say while wearing it. I felt a few faster heart rates low 100s, and a few palpitations, but not the 144 I was doing the day before. I have an echo scheduled for the 1st. And a follow up appointment the 10th. They said they will most likely give be a beta blockers to lower the heart rate and calm some of those symptoms down. I am sure they are going to tell me like they have in the past. Idiopathic sinus tachycardia. Mind over matter. Sigh. We will see.

But that's not the reason I am posting. I wanted to share my OB appointment with you all. First off, I once again tell you that I love Dr. J. By far the best! So thorough. My mother in law went with me to this appointment, since I was getting an US and had taken my mom to one, I thought I'd have Holly join me this time. We went back to the US room, got my BP taken. It was just fine. Phew! Dr. J comes in. I asked if the baby was positioned right if he could peek. "Of course" I was told! Score! I know that the picture on the side bar changes every week, but right now its on 33 weeks and that was just about the position the baby was in. Dr. pointed out the femur and then stopped on on area and asked us what the certain body part was. I was thinking labia, but was afraid to have my thoughts denied and be told something else. Holly asked "scrotum?" Dr. J says "No. That's the labia. This is a little girl. The dark color is fluid and that is the fluid around the area. " It was a clear shot of my little girls parts. I have a picture actually, but I don't think I will post it. Kinda weird maybe, but I feel as if that is too personal..... She was so camera shy for so long, now I post her to the world? Haha. Silly I know.

Then he measured the head, and abdomen, the femur, and looked at her heart, and he pointed out the features of her face, and the showed us her little foot with one toe sticking up, it was adorable. He also showed us her abdomen moving and explained that she was practicing breathing with diaphragm movements!! Way neat to see. That's my girl! Then he looked at the fluid and placenta. He explained all the many reasons in which I could have been measuring large (which was a measurement of 35 weeks instead of 31), and said that everything looked great. Healthy baby. She is growing at the 50th percentile, and actually estimated that she was 4 lbs 13 ounces!!!! Way to grow! Ryan pointed out that the EDD in the pictures say August 9th, 2009, that's 4 days early. But the Dr. didn't say anything different so I am sticking with the 13th, until she tells us differently! :)

He reassured me of many other things, and told me that I just need to make myself relax with the heart thing. He also told me not to gain much more weight. I started to protest that their scale is so off. and since my appointments have been later and later in the afternoon there was food to account for. I told him on my home scale I have weighed the same for 2 months now with just a few ounces difference. I think he could tell that I was ready to attack about all of it. I feel I am doing great, and he did look into that and said to just be careful, about it. Which kinda unnerved me a little because this is when the baby is going to be the one gaining, how am I supposed to stop that! According to my scale I did jump up a teeny bit and am now up 19 lbs. I am eating healthy (for the most part) and am actually doing a low intensity work out. That I feel great about, and if I do say so myself, I can gain 5-10 lbs and not have too much trouble. I have 7 weeks left. Wow. Can you believe that?

I need to get stuff prepared for her. I feel weird changing Luke's room around, but I need to get things situated so I am not digging out of the closet for stuff for her each day.... I don't know what to do. It's still Luke's room and I want him to be able to play in but I need to set things up so they are ready for her, without his little fingers getting into everything. Ryan is allowing me to get a girl bedding set and so I am looking at some different options, I want it to be purple, and something that goes well with a yellow wall. I have two options right now.


Ryan and I also had a discussion about her name again. He really likes Sarah still. I like the name but am not in love with the name. Addalei-- I have a 75% love for. Emilee Dawn 40%. I feel that maybe I shouldn't have been open about the name, because now I feel kinda stuck with Addalei, I mean Luke says it now, and knows that there is a baby hiding in mommy's belly named Addalei and even prays for her, by name. So I feel like I have to use it. And now that makes me not like it so much. But Ryan has made it clear that Sage will not be her middle name. He doesn't like it at all. So I have been mulling over a few different names and I know at first I didn't care for it but I think I like Addalei Rose Tullis. Ryan loved it, but will give it some time. I will keep my backup names there too. Ryan still likes Adrienne also.

Well I have blabbed on and on. I am going to go finish up some laundry and straighten my house a little more. Bye for now!

Water fun

Happy time in the water!

My what big tracks those are!

Bubble fun!

Baby bump!

I am home sick today. Had a stomach ache all throughout the night. Cramps, contractions, back ache, no sleep, nausea. I got 2 hours in. I would have been very unproductive at work today. Still feel queasy and have heartburn. But no more scary stomach cramps with contractions. Just going watch some t.v. with Luke and pray that he is ready for a nap early today. I need some sleep! Getting me ready for my sleepless nights I suppose? Wow.

I had to share the pictures with you though. They make me smile! Well, more later.

Parade and park fun

I took Luke to the Kids parade they had for NebraskaLand Days. Him and his aunt Brentney and cousin Gage dressed up like Rockin' Cowboys/cowgirl. They were very cute. I will post a pic if I get one, or when I figure out the video camera hook up to the net thing..... We then went and ate at a yummy Chinese restaurant, and then made our way to the par. Where we saw lots of baby animals, and played until we were really hot on the playground, then got some ice cream, which was enjoyed by everyone!! So much fun!!! I loved it, I believed Luke enjoyed it more, but it was a close tie.



The Cardiologist clinic reached me today. My appointment will be next wednesday. I am relieved. I have had three more episodes since my doctors appointment. I also found a disgusting familiarity with it all. I have been a sweating queen at work last few days. It is disgusting! I soaked my scrub top, and I really hadn't been very physical. Just passing meds and assessing patients. For which I feel terrible about, I am sure I stunk ALL day long. Arg!!



I am tired now. I was hoping to get some mowing done after we got home, because after all the fun we had I just knew Luke would want to pass out. Nope. not the case. So I am hanging out with little dude while he relaxes and watches a movie.

God's Hands

I have to have it reminded to me several times. I need to pray and release my worries to God. He is in control. This isn't a major deal, I just need to give it to God and let him handle it. He know what He is doing. I need to give Him more credit at that than I often do. I always pray for others, but find myslef lacking in the department of giving my self to Him. He knows the care that is needed for myself and my children, born or unborn. So, that is my plan. Pray and rest. Thank you God for taking care of all your Children.

Cindy

Appointment and Anxiety.... not needed, I suppose?

Had another baby appointment today. I am measuring big for size, and I have a referral to the Cardiologist.

Seen Dr. W today. I waited about 30 minutes before I got to the room, and then I was in and out the door very quickly. With a few new orders and plans shoved at me as I chased him out the door. Well not quite, but he responded to my concerns and however, quickly he ordered things, he did do so.... Next appointment they are going to do another US. and it's finally going to be by my fave Dr., Dr. J. He usually is very thorough. So I plan on asking him to take a peek at my babies parts while we are there, if he will oblige me. I was nervous about Dr. W saying I was measuring big. We were discussing heart stuff and he threw this at me in the middle of it, and we were out the door to get a referral before I could really figure out what he was saying. I didn't even think to ask how much over I measured. So, although I remembered that it was not really a big ordeal to be measuring big, I am/was fretting. I looked it up on numerous pregnancy websites. Most likely I just have a big baby, or she is just positioned high this visit, or several other things that don't amount to too much. I really honestly believe that she is positioned high today. I was having trouble breathing this afternoon, and I suspect it was because she stretched higher into my ribs than usual. We'll see.

I am awaiting a call for my heart appointment. I am nervous about it. I am scared about any medication, even if I have been told and have read that most are safe this late in the pregnancy, I am scared of it hurting her heart, or other side effects it could have on her.... Or which sounds silly; they dismiss me, and tell me to get over it, and tell me I am pretending. All the tests have been negative... I want to know if there is something more I should be doing. I have found the triggering factors though. Heat, digestion, and stress. The first of these three is the most common trait I believe.. so far. I have ate and not had issues, and I have been in the heat and not had issues, but there are the times that I have had them. Unfortunately, the hardest part of my pregnancy I will be enduring more and more heat. I just hope that that doesn't result in more and more tachycardia issues.... The last few I've had, have been at home, and I just cool off, do some vagal maneuver and relaxation techniques, I can usually get it to go away in about 20-30 minutes. Dr. W. tells me that he thinks this is too long of a time frame. I will agree, I thought that before, but after my ER visit I thought maybe it isn't that big of a deal. But that day I felt 2 hours was a he** of a long time to be having it. If he is saying 20 minutes is too long, I feel better that I did go in now. I honestly felt VERY foolish going to the ER . Now I don't. I am nervous and scared about my visit today, I feel a little better now that I have gotten some of my feelings out there. Sorry if it kinda jumbled.

Baby's heart rate was 130-- isn't that kinda low???? Dr. W wasn't concerned I guess......
Arg!

Well I need to get my little guy into bed. Have a great night!

Getting things in line

I have quite a few things to get taken care of. Knowing my normal procrastination mode that I set myself in , I better make a list, so I am more apt to follow, and get things done.

1. Call food places in N.P.
2. Figure out a invitation list for event A
3. Figure out a invitation list for event B
4. Laundry
5. Wash bedding in both rooms
6. Play the game"where's that smell coming from" in my car? (and clean it up!)
7. Make a great supper.
8. Dishes
9. Snuggle both of my boys.

That's about it. Wondering about "event A and B," I am not sure if the person it involves reads this anymore and do not want to give it away. But you all will see and hear about it. Man I wish I could share. I am really excited about it. I am very nervous too. I just have a odd feeling that it will be a dud! If I get the plans together, maybe I'd feel better.

I had a terrible stomach early this morning. I was in the bathroom several times during the night. I feel better now, just trying to figure out the cause of my troubles being how It happened Saturday morning too.

I have determined that the heat plays a HUGE factor to my tachycardia. It was sweltering warm on the floor yesterday, and felt my heart start to race, I went a cooled off outside, and it went away pretty quickly. This makes me a little nervous being how I am going to be more so pregnant, in the HOT months of summer. So far it has been mild. I am nervous I will start to have these episodes more and more when the weather is warmer. Grumble...Grumble....

Well I suppose I have a long list of things to do. I would like to start on number 9 however. Lukey is so snuggly today! :)

Silly Sadness

I feel like a big loser today. I am just bumming at home, Ryan's golfing with friends. I am happy that he is enjoying that, I would never take that away from him. I am just lonely right now. I want some heart to heart conversations with my friends. Most of my former friends are a long ways away. I don't hang out with anyone from work, outside of work, and I have one friend here in town I seldom hang out with. I do enjoy hanging out with her. She has 3 1/2 kids and my 1 1/2 kids--it's never deep convo. So what do I do. Pour my heart out to random people over the Internet. Nice compromise huh? I know that I do have great friends and family that read this, its just I am a little sad today. I was so hoping for a good day today. I woke up feeling horrible, thankfully I am better. I did go to some garage sales.... Actually, I got an armful of baby girl clothes for 8 bucks, so that was good. Also got some adorable little shoes for Addalei. I just am sad. missing old friends, missing the close visits that hubbies sometimes don't have patience for.

Oh poor pitiful me.... arg!

I suppose I will put my moping to good use and make some sourdough bread-- being how I am in a sour mood.

Thanks for listening.

Baby Update and a little extra

Theses are pics we took of Luke last night; the Schwan's man always gives Luke a page of stickers and it's quite obvious what he proceeds to do with them. He is always precisely putting them on and then taking them back off and placing nicely on the paper they came from. Such a neat little guy I have!! ha ha.

We went the North Platte yesterday to see my sisters and nephew. We did some crafts and the boys got paint on them and their projects. I should have snapped a pic of Luke's puppy he painted. He was very detailed with everything.

I suppose its that time of the week again I better update you all on little Addi!

How far along: 30 weeks today! I am officially 3/4 the way done! Woohoo!

Mommy's weight gain: 17 pounds as of yesterday. Trying to be good. Once again, am loving fruit right now so it make it much easier.

Baby's size: The still say 3 pounds however, she is 15.5 inches long now. The reason for that is that they say the energy is being used to form the brain better right now. I have been feeling so much more movement this last week, its awesome!

Cravings: Fruit and red meat. Steaks and hamburgers sound so good!

Labor signs: Well I won't go into detail, but something feels different down under and when I go see the doc next week I am going to discuss it. I have been feeling pretty good for the most part. A little dizzy today, but over all no recurrent BH or anything.

Maternity clothes: Wearing sleepy clothes most of the time and Ryan's T-shirts. I need to get out and buy a few more nursing bras, but I will have to wait until i know if that road will be a traveled one or not...

Sleep: My arms are starting to fall asleep at night. Its aggravating. However, the bathroom frequency has lightened a smidgen.

Milestone: I guess feeling the baby move so much. Other people are starting to be able to see the movements now too. Which is fun.

Luke and I are on the heavy bathroom patrol. He has gone twice really well. I hope he keeps it up. He had a meltdown once though. I hate those, it makes me feel like I am pushing him to do this before he is ready. Well I really need to get some things done around here. Have a great day everyone!

Nothing new or great

I have decided that I really really really love the name Addalei Sage. Unique. Weird (maybe). I knew a girl in school named Sage. She was so smart. I was always semi-jealous of her intelligence. She left the school early to go to a higher academic school. Not really sure where or for what. She was smart though.

I thought the two names went well together, and I keep saying it out loud. I think I am totally loving it. I get weird looks from the people at work though, well some of them. Not everyone. Oh well, if I named her Emily Lorraine I probably wouldn't get any weird looks, because its plain, used, old fashioned. That is why that name is still an option too. I just need to keep repeating the name to Ryan, because he is not convinced yet. I'll get it! ha ha. Probably not. He will make up another name and I will be swept away by it. Like I have been all the other times he has given me names.

Addalei Sage Tullis

Emily Lorraine Tullis

Sunday at work Addi was kicking up a storm!!! Man she was going wild in there!! Non-stop action. I loved it! It warms my heart so much feeling her kick.

Monday was a crazy day. We have had low census for almost 2 weeks and it picked up with a vengeance yesterday. Six admits, and a few issues on the floor. It was a mess from 3pm on. Glad I have a few days off!

Today, I have been doing random cleaning; laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom. And enjoying some time with Luke. I didn't want to put him down for a nap because I was having such a great time with him today. My sweet little guy!

Side note: see the widget asking you to vote for my nephew, please do!!! He wrote a cute essay about his step dad and and entered it into the newspaper. Chad is trying to adopt him. Its a cute essay, and I hope they win, it would be so fun for their family!!! Thanks.

Cindy

Baby update

Well, being how I am trying to take it easy today, I have planted my rear here for a longer duration than normal. So I thought while reading my Weekly pregnancy update, I would update you all about how my pregnancy is going.

How far along? 29 weeks today! :) They say 9/10 chances baby would live outside of me now. Phew... Let's keep her baking a little longer though!

Mommy's weight gain: 16 pounds and holding. Thank God for the fresh fruit cravings!

Baby's size: They books say approx. 3 pounds. Addi is 15 inches long too. :)

Cravings: The fresh fruit is the main thing. I was wanting some corn dogs this afternoon, I settled for Chicken nuggets instead!

Labor Signs: Still having BH, infrequently. No big deal to me right now. No other signs.

Maternity clothes: never did get new pants while in Omaha. :( the shirts I have been wearing to work are wearing out on me. There is holes in the underarms now. Arg.. I might just have to go buy another scrub top or two to get me by for 2 more months.

Sleep: Hips are feeling better, just my shoulders and ears hurt laying on my side. In addition to already having bad snoring issues, now I have a cold. Poor Ryan.

Milestone: Well finding out that we have a little girl is probably the biggest milestone. However, I am a little skeptical and hope that I don't feel disappointed if she really is actually a he. That would be the biggest milestone.

The worst part of the week: My tachycardia yesterday. So far, I feel great today. Lets pray it remains that way!!!

ER visit, and a cold

Whine and complain! Please let me....

Went to the ER yesterday for a rapid heart rate. I had just finished eating lunch and went back to work down to OBV and it hit me. I had one of the girls check my BP. 126/76, but my heartrate was 136. I was feeling diaphoretic, and lightheaded, and my chest was pounding. It lasted over an hour. Then I decided I can't get it to go down, and called to leave work, and then went to the ER. Got a bolus, lots of tests done and after my bolus I felt much better, heart rate went down to 96-100 resting and 110's with activity. I felt much better. Test came back fine--a little hyponatremic (low sodium), but not bad. I had been very well hydrated that day in my own opinion, I had drank almost 1 liter of water (Maybe too hydrated? Doesn't seem possible). No caffeine either..... I am just getting tired of hearing the same old thing. Why does this keep happening? I guess I should just be thankful that I didn't need a BP medication to bring it down. So I am going to try again to eat smaller meals more frequently to hopefully curb this response that my body keeps doing once I eat.

Today, I feel tired and my ear hurts. I can barely hear anything out of it. Once Luke is down for a nap I believe I will do the same. I am happy that I got to be on call today!!! I feel yucky, and would rather not have this yucky feeling at work.

Ryan is liking Addalei again. However I am not liking the middle names again, so if any of you have an idea, please share it!! I would love to hear your ideas. I am thinking more and more out there with the middle name, but I do think it should be shorter? Not definite.
I like:

Sage
Elle
Aven
Jean

Open too many ideas.

Oh I forgot if I mentioned on the last post I made that when I got home from from my appointment that Ryan was unable to go to, he had a little present fro me and Addalei? He had bought a sweet little pink sleeper with a bunny and flowers on it. The feet and arms have little ruffles on them too. It is cute. Such a sweet daddy. He also keeps saying to my when I leave to go somewhere, take care of Daddy's Little Girl. Aww... Melts my heart!
Well have a great day!
Cindy

Sugar and Spice

And Everything nice, thats what MY little girl is made of!!!

It's a girl!!!

Not absolute. But he is fairly certain. I went and bought 4 more outfits and a package of purple onesies and some adorable hair clippies to celebrate my news!! I am so excited! I will say though, that I feel vaguely guilty about finding out.

I want to post more, but I have to work a crazy schedule this week: three on, one day off and then 2 on. I am far from thrilled about it, so I need to spend more time with my guys and soaking the news of my little girl in. Woo hoo!!

Later!!

OB appt.

I will update later just thought I would buzz by and let you all know that my 28 week appt. is today at 230. I will see a nurse practitioner, although they were very sweet at my 12 week appointment, I don't know if I can sweet talk them into sneaking me back for another ultrasound. I am even going to brave the storm and suggest a 4-D US.... Hmm. I hope I will be wearing my lucky pants today. I will need it! Hopefully I will have some pics and news, and not a tearful selfish post about not getting what I want. Wait and see...

Oh and Ryan informed me last night that he doesn't really care for the names we have picked out.... So back to the drawing board.

Great Weekend and Note to My Friend

Hello,

I had a wonderful weekend. Ryan and I headed down to Omaha. It was a very nice get-away for me and my hubby. Totally relaxing and fun. We went to the casino and I lost some and Ryan lost a bunch--and then recovered it! :) Ate at some fun place. We got some FUN shopping done. The best part-- I got to see Sarah, and meet little Jackson!!!

After meeting Jackson and buying some fun baby clothes, I am starting to feel that nesting thing coming on strong. I want to get the room ready, but I don't have a room to move Luke too yet. so it will all have to wait. But I am getting really excited.

I decided to post some pics of my specific clothes I have bought new for the baby. I still have quite a few used girl items that were given to me, and of course all of Luke's things for a boy. But I needed a few extras. Hee hee. It made me feel better. I actually have a nice selection of things.

I have quite an assortment of little girls things, and almost everything that I have ever bought was on clearance/sale. My mom bought that cute shirt and blue skort. Way too cute!





It obvious that I have a thing for fruity flavored clothes!! Hee hee

This has the cherries on the front (see above this one) and on the little bottom. Too cute!



Some big girl clothes, most of which I paid 1 dollar or less for. I Love the polka-dot shirt!!

We do have some boy clothes also, just not as many new ones. I have boxes of clothes to go through if this is a boy! Note: the cute pumpkin hat that I picked up for 25 cents. Great buy, I also got the cute girls white hat for the same price. Steal!



The bottom on this one is also adorable. I purchased a similar outfit for Jackson at toys-r-us, and then realized its a carters outfit too. So when I was at carters store the next day and saw this number I had to get it. It was on sale too. They had great Memorial Day sales; we got over 10 things and spent 40 bucks! I would really like to saw that my hubby was the one that found the pricier items that we purchased ;) I love Carters. Most of the outfits are carters whether I brought directly from there store or from department stores. I would just dress my child in Carters clothes if they had a store nearby!!!

This little number is the coming home/hospital picture outfit for my little girl. I have had this outfit since before Luke was born, in case he was a little girl. I absolutely adore it! It is two separate pieces but I had to have a sweater over it, because Luke was to be born in the early spring, and so yeah. The sweater. They are adorable pieces alone, or together. I took the liberty to show it off a little.


I love the purple in it. Way too cute!



Here is the same dress with little truck tracks on it. Big Brothers! I don't have a coming home outfit for if its a boy yet. Because I haven't found the perfect one yet. But trust me you will see it one way or another!


Daddy picked out this cute little vibrating chick for the baby. It is too adorable. It chirps too. I have been holding on my belly. The baby squirms after I play it. :)

Maybe I should include this next long bit into a post of its own, but oh well, they correlate, and you can take a break if your eyes are bugging out.

I was given the privilege to meet Jackson, one of my bestest friends ever, Sarah's new little guy. I meet him Saturday. Just slightly over 12 hours after he was born. Jackson is such a cutie pie. He was six weeks early and my is he a cutie. I was actually with Sarah when she held Jackson for the very first time. Sigh... I knew I was going to need my Kleenexes to write this all out. I can't stop crying. It was beautiful. (I know that holding Luke for the first time was beyond awesome.) I just felt this bond between Sarah and Jackson emit from them. It was magnetizing.

Being a nurse and studying about all aspects of life/medical/emotional needs. I thought I had the basics covered for what a NICU mother/baby bond would be like. I even knew what it was like to have a baby myself. However, nothing could prepare me for the whole tornado of emotions I went through just watching Sarah and Jackson. Not even brushing on the tip of the iceberg what Sarah must have been feeling.

Sarah had pre-eclampsia and needed to deliver him early. The emergency of taking Jackson to make sure he was well, would have been heart-wrenching. Seeing your baby for a few moments and not being able to see him for hours after would have been horrible. I can't imagine it. Not knowing what he is going through. Not being able to take that time to count each toe and finger, and see all the faces of your loved ones as he is shown to everyone. That would have been hard. Sarah was strong though, and knowing that your little one needs that extra care right then, would have been enough to allow him to leave your side. My heart leaps out for Sarah with that thought. I don't think I would have been that strong.

It was great to see Sarah, she was a glowing Mama. However, she was very tired too. I remember the day of and after Luke was born, not wanting to sleep for fear of missing something, and desperately needing rest. Then I was able to go with her and her Mama and sister to see Jackson.

I stood quietly outside Jackson's room, as the nurse and Sarah discussed the care and needs of little Jackson prior to Sarah finally holding him. I thought to myself, If I was in Sarah's shoes I would be blanking out by now. Wanting to have the nurse be done so I could hold my baby, but coming back to realize that this is necessary information on how I can help my little one the best.

Just knowing the all too fragile state Jackson was in/could potentially be in, scared me. I was afraid he would bust if we whispered too loud. But, you could obviously see how strong and healthy he was. This little dude did not require any oxygen needs. That rocks! He was still closely monitored by numerous cords and electrodes, and was receiving IV fluids. All the cords are so cumbersome. I deal with cords and tubes on the babes I care for on my floor, but this seemed so much more vital too me on Jackson. I stared in awe at the numbers and the little heart rhythm scrolling across the screen. I thought so many questions to myself. I can't even imagine all the questions Sarah would have had.

Sarah, had magnesium still infusing, and although I have never experienced it, I do know that many of its side effects are not fun at all. Sarah must have been feeling all this exhaustion from labor and lack of sleep, and overwhelming excitement that all mothers have. However, on top of that too-- weariness, pain and excessive heat brought on by the mag. She sat holding Jackson, in that wonderful soothing bliss all mothers know. Taking all of her little one in, as if she were breathing his spirit in. Familiarizing herself with every grasp, wiggle, and grunt he made. Seeing her soothe him when he was fussing was endearing. When Sarah leaned forward to kiss her little one, it was very surreal. She barely brushed him with her lips. I think that is when it really hit me the most. He is so little, and fragile. I couldn't know what Sarah was thinking then, but I know when Luke was born, it took me 2 weeks before I really felt comfortable to kiss him.

Was it the whole theory that nurses don't kiss babies/patients? I think that was part of it. There was part of me that also felt that he wasn't truly mine, I did not have the right to kiss him. He would be taken away from me, so I better not do too much or get too close. This also plays into the part of, what if I lose him? What if he were to die/or get really sick? I don't want to hurt him, or be too attached. Really odd thoughts, but that's how I felt with Luke, so maybe this is how Sarah felt kind of.

When I left that night, Sarah was back to her room and Jackson was in his own room all snuggly warm and ever so handsome. I thought to myself, I have been a witness to such a momentous thing here, and have thought about hardly anything else since then. I feel truly blessed to be a part of that moment.

Sarah, thank you. I hope this post means as much to you as the experience you gave me. I just wanted to give you a glimpse in to how thankful for that moment I was. I feel totally undeserving to have been a part of it. I will cherish it with all of my heart! I am so proud of you for dealing with all you did in your pregnancy, and doing all you could to allow Jackson more time to grow. You are an amazing Mama! Jackson is a lucky little Graham cracker! I can't wait to see him when he is a big strong boy, in which, I will be showering him with kisses!! Sorry Jackson, Auntie Cindy will be after you!

I will say that though Jackson is the cutest little bug around, and I am getting ants in my pants for my little bug to show up. I think I will be okay if he/she bakes for a few more months first!!

Oh and I think you all deserve a pic of my little man too... Thanks for joining me with this LONG post. :)

Happy Memorial Day!

Lazy Days

I had yesterday and today off. It is so nice. This weekend was crazy. I am hoping Wed. and Thu. are nicer days.
Yesterday we planted some berry plants: service berry, gooseberry, raspberry, blueberry and grapes. I don't think most of them will bear any fruit this year, but I think that would be so neat if they did a little. I mowed the lawn and just bummed around the house mostly yesterday. It is 1000 am and Luke is still sleeping. I am shocked! Of course my other child decided to wake Mommy up at 730. Drat. I would have loved to sleep in. Oh well got some laundry started and and a few things tidied up before Luke gets up.

I thought I would post a few things about the baby and such.

How far along? 27 weeks and 6 days

Mommy's weight? Man I wish it were less. I think as punishment for kinda gloating about my low progress (in that area) so far, I got kicked in the gut and food forced down my mouth.... I gained another 7 pounds in 2 weeks. 17 pounds total. Eeck! So I am going to blame 1 pound on the baby, and the other 6 pounds I am going to keep them tucked back and try not to exceed 25 lbs now. I have been choosing fruits of empty sweets. However the brownies that I ate, they don't count right? Cutting back of indulging on the cravings, and making healthier choices. I have stayed the same weight the last 3 days, so that's alright. I am not going to restrict my baby from growing. Don't worry. Knowing me, I will probably gain 40 pounds this pregnancy... Sigh.

Baby is how big? 14 1/2 inches long and about 2 pounds, according to parents connect.

Cravings? Fruit. Its better anyway, and Fruit flavored teas. Yummy.

Labor signs? Remember I said work was crazy, well I did not sit down for about 6 hours on Saturday and was starting to get a contraction about every 5-7 minutes. The last of them were fairly hard ones, and I decided no more, I am taking a break I don't care who has to go pee, or needs another cup of coffee. They stopped almost immediately, once I ate lunch and drank a bunch of water, I felt much better.

Maternity clothes? Pants are awful, All of them are tight after about an hour. Tops I got a few more color variations of the striped shirts I am really liking right now.Hopefully I will find a few new pants/shorts when I am in Omaha.

Sleep? Still the same, sore on my hips, shoulders, and ears from sleeping on my sides. Tossing and turning and not sleeping. Preparation for sleepless nights with my baby.

Milestone? Another appointment next week sometime. The last of the monthly and on to the twice a month visits. That seems so strange to me. Possibly another US also. I am very much okay with not finding out now though. I was just hoping for a few baby pics for the baby book.

I have kind of relaxed about the whole breastfeeding thing. I was getting so paranoid, and I realize that all that stress was not going to help. So I am just going to wait it out.

I am getting super excited about Ryan and my trip to Omaha!!

Stay cool in the Heat today!!!

Daddy's Little Baby

Well Ryan felt the baby move a week or so ago, but last night was fun too. I have been seeing my belly jump with the baby's movement and have been trying to get Ryan to notice them. He is way too impatient to watch for long. Luckily the baby gave him a big kick/move right before he gave up. He looked at me and said "that was you hiccuping wasn't it?" Um, no honey that was the baby. "Really, that was huge! I swore that was you!" He then proceeded to get really close to my belly so he could see me and and talking to my belly. It was cute.

I am stealing my dear friend Sarah's idea about thing to post about the baby and such.


How Far Along: 26 weeks and 1 day.

How much weight have you gained: About 10 pounds. More than I should be. I have 3 months of rapid baby growth, so most of the weight is just me. Argh. I am trying to limit it to 15 pounds. I did decent with Luke, I ended up gaining 22 all together. We'll see how this one goes.

How big is Baby: The baby sites say about 1.6 pounds, and is 14 inches long.

Cravings: Anything ice cream related, cheese, pickles, fresh fruit ( glad about that one, because I have not been eating too healthy lately), peanut butter. None of this all together mind you. I did however try a peanut butter cheese sandwich, which was disgusting.

Labor signs: Not as frequent lately. Thank goodness. I am starting to have more inner thigh aches??? I still get a few contractions here and there, no biggie though. :)

Maternity Clothes: I got this really cute pink and white striped hooded shirt from Shopko that I adore. It hugs the good and smooths out the bad. I look REALLY pregnant, but it's a good thing!

Sleep: Now that's a topic I could rant on and on about. My hips and shoulder hurt so much anymore, I turn on one side and once that side hurts, I switch. The problem is my opposite side hasn't recovered yet by the time I turn back on it. Frequent trips to the bathroom, and the muscle/ligaments in the lower pelvic region just give me the sharpest pain ever when I go to get out of bed. Which makes a bathroom trips more aggravating than just the fact of doing so multiple times. I have to do this ugly awkward roll out of bed. Not a pretty sight I am sure! :)

Milestone: Ryan seeing and feeling the baby move. Too precious.


I am still fretting the Breastfeeding issue. I know there is nothing I can do about it, yet. I have been looking up multiple breast pumps, The Medela is my choice even if it is $$$, we got to have a good one. the great thing is, at the home care equipment here in town I get a discount for being an employee. Awesome, and first I probably will just rent, to make sure this all goes well, and then, if I get a new one, they deduct the amount that that I paid for renting one price off the new one from the amount. Awesome huh!?

I am not sure who all reads my blog but I have something fun planned and am not allowed to share all the details here, due to that fact. However, I would really like to share with you whats up my sleeve. I will be happy to inform most of you, if you ask. But please refrain from asking other members of my family, because they might be the person I am trying to keep it secret from. * Wink wink*

Anyways.... Have a great day!!!!

Love
Cindy

The girls.

I'm obsessed. With breastfeeding. I have it constantly on my brain. I want so bad to try harder/have better luck this time. I want to help the situation out now.... but there is nothing I can do. I just keep reading things over and over. I am going to get myself all stressed out about it, and not have any luck. Argh. I must calm down, I just wish I could be given the green light or red light signal to tell me one way or another. I hated doing 1 1/2 hour breast feedings with a following pumping session only to be feeding my son mostly formula and less than an ounce of breastmilk. I am definitely focused to do more, and more educated on things to try to help. I will post more on all my thoughts and much more exciting topics than the girls later.

Save it for another day.

Baby was in the wrong position. We were unable to see anything, and once again no pictures. I am bummed that he didn't take any for us. But, I suppose I should just be happy he agreed to do another ultrasound. He also told me that we might sneak in at my next appointment for another peek. Good. I wonder if I ask him about it if he would take a 4-D pic like he told me at my 20 week appt???
I mentioned the contractions, and of course, he said the tried and true response, "rest and drink lots of fluids, if it doesn't go away in 1 hour than call." I already knew that. He was nice and explained other possible pre-term labor symptoms and assured me me that if necessary, he would write a Dr. note for me to rest more at work when/if needed. I am happy to here that. So I suppose I have a new favorite OB Dr. However, Dr. J will remain awesome in my book. I just have to squeeze in the other 3 doctors now, because I am supposed to see all in the group in case one of them delivers me, they would have all interacted with the care of my pregnancy. However, with Dr. T "bribing" me with all these ultrasounds, I keep on setting up apportionment's with him. I can honestly say though, I am almost at peace with not knowing. It makes me even more excited for the delivery... many many weeks from now! At least we are at the milestone date, Woo Hoo!

Luke is growing good. Tall for his age, and growing just right. Made the doctor (and all of us)laugh, so that was fun to see. Dr said that she would babysit him anytime if we needed one! Hee hee. My big boy also got 3 shots today. Tolerating them well also.


Ryan will need surgery. He has 2 torn ligaments in his ankle, and a badly bruised bone. The PA there said that Ryan can wait to have surgery. So he is on physical therapy and has a brace in the meantime. Ryan will plan to have surgery when work slows down. In November (after deer season of course).

Loved my new eye doc. Very nice and thorough. New contacts in 2 weeks! Speaking of which, my eyes are very tired and I think I will take out my contacts and get some sleep!

Night all.

Tommorow

I am getting so excited for the big US tomorrow! I had a dream last night that is was a little girl. That would be so great. Either way. I just hope I make it out of there with "better" pics than last time. Last time was not very exciting. Baby has been kicking me way low. Ouch. I don't remember Luke doing that. The contractions have only happened minimally after my 2 LONG days at work. In which I kinda forgot to drink anything except during my lunch break. They were not very good days. I am glad I am off until Saturday. Well, I plan to post you all with more news tomorrow. I hope you are enjoying these nice days we are having!

Cindy

Sunday daze

We went to Kearney for a day trip that turned into a overnight trip. I knew I should have packed a overnight bag!! We bought Luke a mattress for a toddler bed we haven't purchased yet. Got all three of us swimming outfits so we could go swimming at the pool at the hotel. I am glad to have a better fitting swimsuit, but I am not so pleased at how I looked in it. Mind you, that most of me was before baby. Actually, I am growing ever so affectionately for my baby bump. It looks right now! Yippey! I will have to snap a few pics, now that I am feeling better about it. But, not with the swimsuit.... something with much more coverage! :)

I have been having a few contractions lately. They are mildly painful, they make my tummy really hard and achy from the top of the uterus to the lowest part possible; mostly painful in the the lower part, but they go away after a few minutes and are infrequent. Friday, at work, they were a little more consistent. I had a back ache to go along with it. I had been doing quite a bit of walking, and after I relaxed for longer than an hour, then went away completely. I will be sure to mention it to the Dr's this Thursday, just in case.

Sigh.... Thursday, what a busy, hopefully good, milestoned day it will be! 24 weeks on Thursday. We have made it to the clearing point. Not out of danger zone, but the baby is viable. and that means a lot to me. They will fight harder to keep my baby alive, if something were to happen. God I pray that nothing does happen. Thursday is when we have our next US!!! Show us what you got baby! Luke has his 2 year check up. Ryan is following up on his MRI of his ankle, to find out if he has ligament damage or what is causing him pain to his right ankle. And what is needed to fix it. Surgery or just PT. I am praying for the best outcome. I also have an eye appointment. Every person in the family will be checked-up on!!

Oh man, the hormones are hitting me hard lately. Mood swings and hot flashes like crazy! I am sweating while everyone else in bundled up!!! I also have been having this weird taste of pocket lint in my mouth lately, I believe it is just a weird variation of heartburn. (How do I know what pocket lint tastes like, you ask? As a kid didn't you ever place a candy in your pocket for later, and once you popped the candy in your mouth you tasted the lint from your pocket also....? No..... Well okay, I am just really weird then.)

Well that's enough musing for one day. Later everyone!!!
Cindy